Coming of Age

Something In the Water?

2010-05-19T08:18:00.003-05:00

I've been sick as a dog since Sunday and I've just returned to work this morning. The symptoms I had ranged from extreme light sensitivity, leaving me unable to drive much less go out the house to nausea to dizziness whenever I stood for longer than 5 seconds. This was weird.

Yesterday, reluctant to call off work another day, I tried getting dressed for work. I showered and began to lotion. Got up to reach for my body spray and....damn near fell over from dizziness because the time I had to stand to grab it and sit back down to finish my routine was apparently too long. What in the Hell was wrong with me?!

Because I hate going to the doctor, I began to self-diagnose and listen to other opinions. Anything to keep me from issuing my health insurance card, waiting in a waiting room for a million hours, getting picked and prodded at, and sent unnecessary "necessary" tests "just to make sure all the boxes are checked" which in turn run my pockets to ground even after insurance pays their part, right? I got opinons ranging from having "vertigo" to being pregnant (this I did not find amusing one bit). I even reasoned with myself on Monday night that I had endured a mental breakdown of some sort. I've been so stressed that this sounded like a probable reason for my sudden illness. Plus, aside from becoming hoarse twice a year and the occasional issues I have with my hypoglycemia, I've never really been sick. Something was wrong with me indeed.

My stubborness began to fade and my guy finally took me to the Urgent Care to get the official diagnosis. After waiting for what seemed like IONS (literally) and being issued a CT scan because my massive headache and other symptoms had gone on continuously for three days, it was founded that I had an extreme migraine coupled with a sinus infection. I've never in my life had a sinus issue but my guy smokes so I gather this is where its root formed. I received my meds and went home. Boy I hate the doc though. That wait was ridiculous.

Later on in the day, my guy got sick. And by sick, I mean "head banging suddenly during the Celts game and curling in my lap in the fetal position in front of his boys" type sick. His sinuses started acting up as well. Plus he had oddly sudden flu symptoms. All of this happened in about 30 minutes time.

And now, while at work, one of my coworkers just called off. His sinuses have him begging for mercy. My manager's kids are both sick with the same issues...and they don't live in the same house at all.

I'm inclined to believe that there's something in the water. Though I understand it's "Spring Season" which is an easy translation for "Sick Season" due to the changing and variant temperatures between winter and summer (especially in Chicago; our weather here is definitely Manic Depressive, no jokes), the fact that everyone is getting sick doesnt shock me as much as it alarms me a bit more than it has in past years and times. I just want to stress the importance of taking simple health measures to ensure your health and prevent sickness that seems to be spreading like wildfire.

1. Wash your hands repeatedly - When I was younger I used to be a little OCD with this practice, always washing my hands repeatedly. I dont even recall why I was this way or even when it began to fade to a normal level, but Im sure this helped to contribute to my being relatively healthy for majority of my life too. Anyway, washing before using the bathroom as well as after helps to prevent germs from spreading both to yourself as well as your own germs spreading onto others. And if youre like me and deal with customers all day, you'll see how this very practice is just as important as any other.

2. Water - Now this is something I have to work on myself but....water really is the best medicine this season. I mean hydration is important and not only does water hydrate you but it replenishes and helps to restore a weakened system infected with things like sinus issues and the like. Ive been drinking bottle after bottle of water lately and I am not used to this. I know I said Ive been healthy my whole life but....water has never been a big thing for me. While in high school I HAD to drink it as I was a member of cross country, track and dance, but as a general rule? Nope. As Ive gotten older though, Ive learned that without it, my system is going.to.crumble. Period.

3. Sleep - I talk about my own issues I've had with sleep, which have, as recently as January of this year, just started to normalize and stablize. Sleep is so important.

4. Raw Fruits and Veggies - Since I hate docs and meds with a PASSION!!!, Ive always gotten into the practice of eating raw fruits and vegetables. And not even just because I hate doctors and medications, but also because they are freaking delicious! Ive never been a huge junk food snacker, but Ive always been a snacker! Ive been conditioned since I was little to eat "healthy food", and not even really realize it. I'd eat carrot and celery sticks, apple slices (with no PB), fruit bowls and veggie trays. Mommy made these ALL the time. And now? I only eat chips, cakes and the like when I am absolutely STARVING with no other options. I tell no tales. This is truth. Raw fruits and veggies are medications for the future which means, this is probably why Ive never been sick as well.

That's all I have time to share though. I just felt I needed to tell this tale of illness and the precautions that are easily missed but deemed necessary. We cant take advantage of this body and though its the Season of Sick, that doesnt mean we have to flow with THAT tide.

Ms_Slim

Feelings Schmeelings - May

2010-05-10T18:14:00.002-05:00

I saw this post over on one more the blogs I secretly read. And by "secretly", I don't mean "stalking", but rather...I read and go on, rarely comment, if ever. Anyway, I read the blog and thought it was simple enough for me to knock out as a post of my own. So here goes a list of things that for the month of May (so far), I'm "feeling/not feeling". Just a way to sort through the clusterfuck that has become my Life. Enjoy.

FEELING:
-All chocolate everything! I have a serious obsession with chocolate at certain times. This is a constant, but needed to be added.
- The prospects of my immediate future. All circumstances aside, the $ I need will be accessible to me.
-poetry sets and readings. Grab a margarita and sit back and enjoy the show while real poets spit
-a guilty pleasure (we all have them; I just happen to have too many, maybe)
-The weather we're currently having in Chi the past couple of days. We've finally got it right! Let's keep it that way.
-Spring polish. Summer polish. Nail art pens.
-Kisses from and on the lips I adore. Kissing is such a wonderful exercise! Muah!

NOT FEELING:
-My current job. This is not a secret to anyone that knows me. Hate is not (the good enough) word. At all.
-The lingering depression Ive been feeling lately. It's left me uncomfy and insecure at times where I'd otherwise be my normal self. This? Not cool.
-The usual: annoyingly loud females, liars, nosey people....etc
-This current identity crisis. I know who I am and where I wanna be. Just the "right now" portion of the process has left me stuck because I've sort of lost myself in the hustle and bustle of trying to satisfy what society has deemed "most important" (bills and the American Dream that's associated with having a piece of mind, rather than exploring without a care and just centering in on my happiness. Trust that that will change)
-The mouse (who I've named Chuck E) in my house that's made its way DEEP into my psyche. Im currently at the library typing this right now in a desperate attempt to NOT be at home. iCant with rodents. But alas....I'll continue those tales of the rodent tail in another blog. Maybe.

Revelation: Forgiveness

2010-05-05T17:13:00.004-05:00

"Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea" -Micah 7:18-19

Forgiveness? I don't really do that. In fact, I've been known to cut a person out of my life completely before ever thinking about forgiving them for a wrong. In my mind, it is easier to completely remove myself from caring about said person (because the "situation" or "wrongdoing" is connected to them), than to use all of my physical and mental (and sometimes spiritual) energy getting angry and actually emoting. I'd just get angry briefly and decide that it's easier to have them not in my life anymore especially if the drama/situation/wrongdoing is, in fact, extremely stressful in one way or another.

But as I get older, I find...the method of me solving an issue by not solving it at all just doesnt work as effectively. You can't cut everyone out who does you wrong. Not only does that make for more complications in the long haul (what irony, right?), but it also doesnt promote any kind of growth or maturity within my person.

So I'm consciously working on my forgiving.

Now don't get me wrong. This is not to say that whenever anyone mistreats me, I never speak to them again. That is completely unrealistic. I'm just saying that because I consciously work to eliminate any stressors from my life that I can control, if a situation/person/etc is doing THAT much "damage" to my cipher, I quickly decide that I dont need them anymore. At all. And quiet as kept, they are removed. Permanently. I don't really forgive.

Now don't get me wrong (again). This is also not to say that EVERYTHING is eligible for the "you're forgiven and all is well" treatment. It is not and baby steps are definitely what I am on. At the end of the day, sometimes it really IS better to just leave a situation or a person completely and have nothing to do with them anymore because said "damage" is just too grave. I understand this. Maybe some others dont. Maybe more do. But for ME...this is what works.

I recognize that I need to work on this. And that is the first step.

"Forgiveness. I will work on this."

Even saying it rings a little strange. It's all a part of the "bigger picture" for me though. My growth, mentally and spiritually, is the driving force behind my wanting to change things up a bit. It isn't going to be easy, but I've gotta learn to think..."what if the tables were turned, would I want to be forgiven?" Im nowhere near perfection and at times it feels as though my flaws capitalize on everything that's "right" with me. With all that said, I'm getting a better understanding of the perspective of others and this...is what is helping me in everything that I do in regards to this revelation. It is what is essential for growth.

-Ms_Slim

ps; I promise a "less blue"-esque post next! Getting kinda tired of the gray myself!

Return with a Review!!!

2010-05-04T14:19:00.015-05:00

*opens door slowly and peeks around corner* Yall there? I wouldnt be too surprised if anyone left. Afterall, I have been flaky on my postings (both here and there) for quite a while. For now though and in this moment, Im here! Yay!

Anyway...

So while I was on hiatus, I received a sudden and extremely unexpected email from Jewelry Art Designs [dot] com asking me to try a complimentary item off of their website and review it on my blog. I remember reading it to myself and thinking, "where did this come from? Is this a joke?!" I figured it HAD to be because well....though I do display a few bits of beauty here and there on my blog (as well as having been featured on a few beauty and nail blogs a few times)along with other stuff like ya know...politics, love, music, and things like that, my blog is typically NOT a fashion one. Not in the least. But then I thought..."Free jewelry annnd I get to blog about it with links and exposure for both the blog and their site as well?" I almost jumped at the chance. I say "almost" because I figured if I accepted their gracious offer (go look at the website to see what I mean; the jewelry is pretty nice), one: there's a chance I'd be doing them a disservice because I knew it would take me a while to post on the jewelry (Life is really kicking up for me, not like that's anything new, but still...) and two....what if I didnt like their products and they were counting on me to shoot up a review? I'm definitely a "tell it like it is" type of person but honestly, how can I post a review if I didnt like their product AND I got it for the free? #ImJustSaying....these are the things I consider when someone asks me their HONEST opinion. I am too honest at times....

I admit that Im a bit overanalytical but I finally decided, 'why not?'....And so I did and......

I was pleasantly surprised! I absolutely LOVE pearls, so from the site, I decided to order the Pearl Drop Dangle Earrings. After placing my order and having them shipped to my company, I was happy to receive my product when promised (within 3-5 days). +5 cool points for being prompt from me!

When I opened the initial shipping box, here's what lay before me:

(a small velvet box that holds my earrings. Really nice!)

Close-up:

(Cute, yes?)

About the Company: The online jewelry store is called, "Jewelry by LuShae" nd is an up and coming jewelry store. They've actually asked a lot of bloggers for their opinions on an item of their choice for them to review. The site hosts a wide range of earrings, necklaces, penants and rings (including promise rings) of multiple facets, types, shapes and sizes from the dangling earrings you see on this blog to more subtle types like studs and hoops of various sizes.

Good For: Mother's Day is in just a few days. Why not make an impromptu order from the site to get her a Purple Brilliance silver penant or some Gold Hoop Earrings coupled with a Modern Mesh Cuff?

The Service: Everything I did with my transaction with this company was interacted via email. I conversed with the "associate" (not really sure if she wants her name exposed on my site), and told her when I'd be ordering, went onto the site and placed my complimentary order and emailed her when said order was placed detailing her what my order entailed just in case she wasnt sure exactly WHICH order was mine. The exchanges were and are always pleasant. And even when I had been "dragging my feet" on a review because of my hiatus, she understood and knew that I wouldnt let her or the company down. Not to mention, my order was very prompt and on-time just as promised! The Service? A-plus!

To Order: Just go to their website, browse, and order. It's that simple. The pricing is affordable and realistic for modern jewelry and you won't be disappointed. Trust me. I am the most critical person I know. Mark my word--you'll be satisfied!

I'm Alive, but still on...Hiatus...

2010-04-06T10:25:00.003-05:00

"My Soul's been moved and danced upon and picked and prodded and questioned and evaluated and hypothesized and experimentized....." (c) Me

So...

I'll be back here in May.

Til then......this is where I am: HERE!

Enjoy!

Ms_Slim

Recess...

2010-02-17T09:24:00.000-06:00

In the recesses of my mind, I sit and think. Think and sit. Then act. And reflect. Then make changes if needed. This is the order of my processes---of my stream of recessed consciousness.

I think about where I am, where my current path is headed where I wanna be and what routes in my path need to be diverted changed or altered to get me to my desired destination. I reflect on the accomplishments I have, the credentials on my resume, and my collective hard work I've put in over a period of years and do a mental cross analysis of where that work and effort has landed me in present-day. I must admit that in the recesses of my mind I can get a bit discouraged and outright frustrated at times. I must remember that no one said the road on Life Blvd was a smooth one. Rather, its bumpt and filled with mass construction at certain intersections which causes some pretty heavy bumper-to-bumper traffic. Sometimes traffic is light and sometimes you'll come upon random pedestrians trying to divert you off your path by selling goods while you're at a stop light or even walking directly w/in your line of sight. And with that, sometimes there's an accident of the detrimental variety and other times the accident is a blessing in disguise. Whatever the case, the path is unpredictable and uninhibited entirely. What doesn't change is the fact that you're behind the wheel and at the end of the day, its you that's in charge of your destination, no one else.

I've digressed completely. Well....sorta.

I'm in charge of my path and in times of frustration, sitting, thinking, acting, and reflecting all in the recesses of my mind, I realize that its up to no one but my own person to change my path (or alter it in some way) to get to my desired destination....

Revelation: Faith

2010-01-25T11:25:00.003-06:00

*I know I've been gone for months on end. A ton of stuff has happenedleaving me with much more responsibilities and priorities under mybelt than I ever bargained for within the last 4 months. Life....*

But let's talk about Faith. And me.

Faith....

I've got it. But I question it very often. I believe it. But for me,I've always struggled with the concept of "complete blind faith". It didn't make sense to me (but I guess that's the point--the "testing of faith"), and I'm at an age and mental state where things have to make relative "sense" otherwise.....I just don't deal with it. I admit Ihave low patience.

But its different with Faith....

I look at my tat and realize its representation. From the symbol (an obviously foreign Japanese symbol of "Faith"), to the color (deepblack on my marginally caramel skintone) to the size (rather small butvery visible) to its location (top right corner of my chestbone) and even the fact that its a permanently sewn emblem to begin with, "Faith" is a thing I am constantly trying to understand. At the same token, thru the depths of my own questions and outright misunderstanding also lies a very real truth that Faith is in me permanently. I've got it. I do believe. I recognize it, but I have to practice it in order to have it even a little bit "perfect"...whateverthat means.

Growing up, while church was a "big deal", having a faith and believing was an even "bigger" and more important topic of discussion. Depending on which member of my family you are talking to, the concepts of faith tend to vary (going to church every Sunday and dressing up meant your faith was huge to some, while for others faith was rooted wholely in a belief, not relying on church attendance as a determinant of faith strength). As I got older,I made my own path. Deep down inside, I always felt that my brain was too advanced to follow anything blindly. Not that I'm "too smart for God" or anything even close to that, but rather that...I've got too many"unanswerable" questions. And the set up of church often irritates me. Its in my nature to question what doesn't add up to me and w/religion, I often feel I can't ask those questions without a ridiculous and unsettling debate, so for me its..."l'm a Believer. Of God and Christ". And leave it at that. I'm content with that. I believe in going to church and worshipping but I don't go every Sunday nor do I feel I have to. The bigger picture for me is doing right by others and making sure that I keep to the "Higher Power" that I know exists, even though I question Him (and myself) silently at times. I pray, but I admit that I could do it more often...but so far I haven't and I dont.

The extent of my Faith has been tested repeatedly as of late--most especially within the last 4 months. I realize I never lost it because when in doubt, it was God I called on to help me thru whatever trial and tribulation I was faced with at the time. Faith has humbled me greatly while still keeping me at an above-average level of confidence. And thru all of this, I'm proud to say I'm currently the happiest I've been in a very long time...

All due to Faith....

Good Hair: The Individual and the Lifestyle

2009-10-22T15:51:00.004-05:00

This is the third and last installment of the "Good Hair" series. If you've missed it, the first two parts are found here and here. Go back, read, comment, then come back here. I'll wait.

Okay now that we've got that out the way....

Good Hair: The Individual and the Lifestyle

In today's age, our hair is a representation of both our individuality as well as our lifestyle in the present. The style changes, the treatments, the methods of care chosen, be those methods self-care all the way to weekly visits and personal stylists are all a matter of choice....but also partially (and in some cases, wholly) influenced by our rather complex psyche over the years, as stated in the last installment.

While the history and the psyche play such large roles on our personal choices for hairdress, the surface of such is depicted upon by the individual and their comfort and suitability with a certain style, method of hairdress or frequency and type of hair care (ie: style = braids, method of hairdress = relaxed, frequency and type of hair care = sole care, biweekly treatments)

As stated in the last installment, in our culture, there's a subliminal message engraved for Black women (and men alike) when it comes to our hair and the consenses over the years has always been "straight is great" and "nappy is unhappy". Depending on the person, those beliefs tend to vary in the true context.

But the Reality of the Situation is.......

Nappy doesn't always equal 'Unhappy'. To some, the "nappy" context is a representation of the black struggles and should be glorified proudly as a reminder of how far we as a collective has come, no matter the texture. However, to others, the "nappy" context is but a thorn in their side to show just how different we are, how many MORE struggles we have to get through, going all the way down to our hair, and thus, the attempt to assimilate to be better contestants in the game of Life against our White counterparts is a part of our system that is so engrained we (collectively) don't realize it.

Either way...as I said in the first installment, our hair is bigger than......our hair.

And either way, it all boils down to choice (when dealing with the surface of it all).
And speaking of our "competitors"...

I've talked with several White/European coworkers and friends with respect to this topic and just like Chris Rock briefly said on Oprah (no, I still have not seen the movie), in the eyes of Whites, for them, "straight isnt ALWAYS great". Like us, Whites also have a "secret life" when it comes to hair care and just like us, their methodology and reasoning behind their choices of hairdress rests within the aspects of: vanity, individuality, and lifestyle.

I've talked with White women who have complained about the state of their hair and how and why they use the artificial methods of bleaching, coloring and even relaxers (to make their hair curly in opposed to when we use relaxers to make our hair straight--an averse effect, indeed) and while their reasons rests LARGELY in vanity and lifestyle preferences where ours is LARGELY based on history and subliminal psychological complexes and contexts, as one White person said to me, "we all want to change something in ourselves that we don't have; we are always happy, but never satisfied". I agreed.

Lifestyle shapes an individual, not the other way around...

In this day and age, women are busy, with many holding full time jobs, homes to upkeep and children to keep in line at all times. The least of many women's worries is our hair as the stress and strains of every day Life tend to take the reins leaving our hair to be of extreme importance but also something that is moreso waning to the side of "what's more convenient for me" rather than, "what do I REALLY want to do with my hair".

On the flip side of it all though, hair, especially Black hair is also very diverse. With so many advancements and means of "looking right at the right [usually expensive] price", many women would opt to go for what's more suitable (and convenient) to their lifestyle rather than the dynamics of "what's more 'Black'" and whathaveyou. And while everyone does what is at a better convenience to them as to allieviate whatever unnecessary stress and strain that they can, the true dynamics of what is "convenient" just so happens to be in direct opposition to what is "socially accepted/liked" in the first place.

So what's MY story?
I am currently going Natural. As I've mentioned several times throughout this series, my Natural state is wavy and not coarse and even when I was getting relaxers, I did not get them but 3 times a year. My reason for the "change" though? Merely preference. For me, it's mainly about versatality than anything else. As a general rule, it takes a lot to keep me stimulated with a lot of the "same" things (and I just can not wait to wrap up this series so I can talk about something else lol), so in regards to my hair, I tend to switch up a lot. In the same vein, I also have complexes with weaves and artificial anything...so I don't engage and have opted to change my actual hair in opposed to wearing wigs or weaves for changes. Because of that, I've worn my hair long (my hair has been characteristically "long" my entire life up until 2008) to a bob to really short (as you see in the right hand corner pic here) to how it is now--growing back and just touching my shoulders (I was going to post pics of myself but got lazy, smh)

Though I have changed my hair over the years and have complexes with wigs and weaves and certainly don't bash anyone that uses them, I am also VERY finicky about what I use and do to my hair. I use NO "new" products--all age-old remedies and even create my own conditioners and treatments. I also do my own hair 98% of the time with trips to the salon only for when I need a trim.

(Most recent photo)

So how am I going Natural?

I went short in 2008 and loved it. After 6 months, though, I got bored and have allowed it to grow back ever since. Long hair is truly what I am accustomed to and I don't see myself cutting my hair really short again, so how am I going Natural?

As stated in the last installment, there are many methods to use other than simply cutting all of your hair off if you decide to go Natural. For me, while I am not relaxing my hair (its been about 6 months already), I am letting whatever relaxer I have left in my hair to grow out and after a stretch of time, I'll cut it off, but by then the relaxer will only be on the ends, so my hair would not be "bald short" when I cut it. Wish me luck.

That's just my story. And it fits my lifestyle which influences me as an individual.

Good Hair: The Psyche

2009-10-14T13:25:00.008-05:00

(Note: This is Part 2 of a 3 part series. If you haven't caught the first installment, click here.)

Good Hair: The Psyche

The psyche is maybe the strongest factor in human decision making and perception. It's so strong that it has the tendency/ability to control a person's actions, thoughts and personal theories without notice. Unfortunately, society has the strong ability to do this as well.

As stated in the first part of this series, the psyche behind black hair in conjunction with "Good Hair" is something that has been a big factor and "issue" for MANY years. Before Chris Rock's movie, before the hippie/black power days of the 60s-70s, before the days of the "cunk", later termed the relaxer, before the start of the 1900s even. The history is what has given birth to the definition, which has definitely influened the theory and the theory is, for all intents and purpose, the product of the psyche.

Enter, the Psyche behind Good Hair.

The Psyche that stands amongs many African-Americans in regards to "good hair" and "natural hair" is that "straight is great" and "nappy is unhappy". Before writing this post today, I spoke on this issue with two fellow bloggers, one that has been natural for as long as I've known her (I've known her for three years) and another who is a faithful member of the Relaxed Club. Both shared with me their views on both natural hair as well as relaxed hair, while at the same time not discriminating against the opposing "side" for their choice of hair dress.

"Natural will never be an option for me. Not everyone is meant to be natural" - the relaxed sister stated.

I profusely disagreed. We are all born natural and whether that natural state is wavy like mine or coarse as a brillo pad, everyone is essentially "meant" to be natural. Natural is...well...natural.

However.................just like with relaxed hair and any hair style a person chosen, there is upkeep to be enforced. The very idea that "not everyone is meant to be natural" , in my opinion, is the product of that psyche that has been produced by society throughout the ages that say "you must have straight or relaxed hair, otherwise, you just don't look professional/pulled together/like you belong"

As my relaxed friend continued, however, she expressed her concerns with going natural to be moreso along the lines of the process in itself, rather than the finished look therein. When a person who has had a relaxer for a while opts to go Natural, it is customary that they cut their hair off to very short (cut all the relaxer out as a perm is.....well....permanent) and allow it to grow in that way. I can agree that not everyone has the head for a "near bald" look. At the same time though, there are a TON of options in regards to going Natural. One does not HAVE to cut all the hair off outright. They can allow their hair to grow in and not get a relaxer for a substantial period of time and then after a while and the hair has grown to the point where the relaxed portion of hair is but on the tips or ends, then they can cut it off and TRULY be a Natural. Another option is cutting all the hair off and opting for wigs, weaves, braids, etc while the hair grows underneath. That way the person isn't "outright bald" while trying to rock the Natural.

It's all understood that there is a vanity that comes with hair, especially Black hair in general. However, what is further missed or overlooked is the understanding that that vanity is nine times out of ten based on the views of society and what is generally accepted as "good hair" has done to the individual's psyche in the first place. It all plays a role.

"I try not to judge either way. I just know that relaxed isn't for me anymore" - the natural sister stated.

This opinion is of the "least-accepted" in our country and is also a prime example of how society can affect a person's thoughts and perceptions when it comes to self-worth and self-acceptance. In the directly above quote, she tries not to judge. She isn't condemning anyone that decides to continue with relaxed hair. On the flip, she knows it "isnt for HER". It is by her sole decision that she finds being Natural a better fit for HER. Who cares what society thinks, right? Not everyone carries this belief though and I wish they did.

If society were better accepting to the natural state of African or African-American hair, there wouldn't be any issues of what 'good hair' is, a description to "bad hair" or even weaves, chemical treatments. I'm quite sure that with our technological advancements, these things will still reign our society, BUT they wouldnt be such a means of discussion and there wouldn't be such a "hidden depth" behind such either. They also wouldn't be so important that women would find spending a thousand dollars on "the right kinda hair" something they just "had to do to keep their hair looking right" (aka: keeping up with the standards of society under the unknown guise of "just needing her hair done"). And why? Because if society were more accepting and if society didn't paint such a foul picture of African and African American hair and if "nappy wasnt unhappy" and "straight wasnt the only thing great", then she wouldnt HAVE to go through such lengths to "look good", she'd find that her natural hair is good enough and she'd embrace it and rock on with her bad self and smile while doing it.

But alas, this isn't a perfect society and our society is instead primarily driven on the "visual" versus any other aspects of humanity and our society has provided the invisible "okay" on the Theory of Good Hair for SO long that SO many people can't tell the differene anymore.

And thus, our Psyche is collectively transformed.

The last installment: "Good Hair: The Individual and the Lifestyle" next. Stay tuned.

Good Hair: An Examination and first part--Good Hair: The History, the Definition, and the Theory

2009-10-12T14:41:00.005-05:00

(Note: I originally wrote this blog before the movie came out last Friday)

For anyone who's in tune with what's going on in theaters soon, Chris Rock has a "comedic documentary" coming out which he titled, "Good Hair". This documentary is supposed to be an "inside look" on what goes on behind the scenes with Black women when it comes to our hair.....with a comedic flair. (rhyming non-intended).

Last week, Chris Rock was featured on Oprah and spoke about his documentary. Throughout the show, he spoke about weaves, relaxers, hair length, theories and "rules" amongst Black women when it comes to our hair and our relationships with our men, and most importantly.......the texture of Black hair in conjunction with our European and Indian counterparts. Personally, I thought the Oprah special was pretty good, yet disheartening on a few levels (which I plan to get into as this series continues). However, I couldn't help but notice how he, Chris Rock, didn't really DELVE into the psyche behind why so many black women opt for weaves, relaxers and the like to begin with. He only discussed the surface (at least that's all he touched on the show; who knows what the actual documentary will discuss or how far it will go into the topic).

In case you missed it on Oprah though, here is a clip of Chris Rock's appearance on Oprah last week.

This discussion is a lot broader than people may come to realize. In picking apart the entire dynamic of Black Women and "Good Hair", I've decided to create a "Good Hair": An Examination series broken into the following:

1. The History, the Definition, and the Theory

2. The Psyche

3. The Individual and the Lifestyle

Let's start with the first point.........

*********************************************************************************************

Good Hair: The History, the Definition, and the Theory:

The History:

Black people have the coarsest and most difficult texture of hair of any other race of people. Historically speaking, our hair is also the least likely to grow to magnificent and glorious lengths. However, over the span of time, our hair has been a defining factor into our culture as a Black people. The braids, the afros, the locs, and other "natural" styles are signature and "representative" styles that separate us from other races and bound us as a culture. In short, our hair is bigger than.....our hair (I hope that made sense).

Most Blacks here in America are not completely African. Stemming from slavery, our black blood has been mixed with other races which would and could have a direct effect on our black hair, making it seemingly "less" black and otherwise "good hair".

Since the beginning of time, African-Americans have been defined by the characteristics of their (our) hair. Rewinding back into the days of even slavery where there were "house slaves" and "field slaves" determined by skin pigmentation, hair texture also played a role in this as well. Because many "house slaves" (lighter toned blacks), were of mixed race, their hair was less coarse, less "nappy" and better accepted overall. However, at the end of the day, they were black nonetheless, which didn't exempt them from being a slave in the least. However, it did restrict them from having to work the long and excruciating hours on plantations. Instead, they worked in house, tended to the needs inside and were better treated. Their hair, like their skin pigmentation, played a very real role in the deciding factor of "who does what".

Over many many years and countless renovations within society--from socioeconomic issues between the races to perceptions carried from African-American to African-American, the strength our hair has had has always been a huge determinant in anything we have done as a collective race from job placements to even who we will date and through the ages, one thing has remained a very real and exceedingly strong constant--the talk of what "good hair" is. And even through all of this, the definition has always been about texture and length versus health and strand strength as it should be. It's always been "Straight is Great/Nappy is Unhappy". Always. There's always been a real psychology behind our hair when it comes to social standards and acceptance. And what's worse? Many blacks are so inept to this realization that they either don't bother to realize it or hear of the realization and get up in arms. Well this is truth. There's a psychology behind our hair. Period. (and that will be discussed in part 2).

The Definition:

The term, "good hair" has been made very common "slang-speak" amongst Black males and females across the board location-wise. The description of "good hair" is usually long, usually not the stereotypical "coarse" or "nappy" hair and is by many standards "better" hair. In short, it's everything the "standard" "Black hair" is not. In my opinion, it's actually a backhanded compliment when someone clamors over my hair and say, "you've got that GOOD HAIR" based on the texture of my hair (my hair is not coarse but rather wavy and I have no real need for relaxers. Until the Big Snip of '08, my hair used to be "long"). In my opinion, "good hair" is that which is healthy, regardless of its texture and visible length, but rather in its density and strand strength. However, this definition is not what "good hair" is defined as, only the former has carried.

The Theory:

The theory of "good hair" is that "good hair" is better, preferred by most, easier to manage and better accepted throughout society. Since that is the "theory" (and in many cases, truth), many black women have opted to conform to this theory and have taken it as a means of "being accepted in White America" without really knowing it. Enter the weaves, the different types of sew-ins and wigs, the costly transformations from "Black girl" to "oh she must be mixed with..........." phenom.......

Next blog: Good Hair: The Psyche. Stay tuned!

Green Eyes

2009-10-07T15:51:00.006-05:00

I know our love will never be the same
But I can't stand the growing pains

"Emotions run rampant as I sit in reflection, mentally reenacting the times and places in which caused me to become so engulfed in love with you......It's gonna be a while before I'm once again complacent" -Me

Today I don't feel this way.
This October 7th, 2009, I don't hold this emotion.
In this present moment, I am happy.
Not hurt. I'm okay.

But once upon a time, I felt like this
I was this woman before
Eyes so green I become another, less likeable version of myself
A woman scorned

...By Love (capital necessary)

.......and this song sang a familiar tune to my soul.

*le sigh*

MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Before I heal, it's gonna be a while
I know it's gonna be a while, chile

I Love My City, But.....

2009-09-29T12:11:00.008-05:00

.......this violence has GOT TO STOP!!!!

Yesterday morning I woke up feeling GRAND! This almost NEVER happens as I am the anti-morning person. Mornings don't really work well with me. No speaking. No conversing. Nothing. Not til at least 11am (it used to be noon; I've made progress). But yesterday, I woke up feeling like it was 3pm on a bright summer day. Last weekend was awesome, my birthday party was a huge success and I spent the rest of the weekend with friends and family. I really enjoyed myself. So, on Monday morning, I put some pep in my step, rocked on to my Pandora on my SlimBerry*, and headed to work with all smiles. I felt great!

As the day wore on though, I learned of the killing of 16 year old Derrion Albert that happened on my birthday last Thursday (I did not watch the video) and as I kept being informed of his truly horrific death, my mind took a flashback to 2008, where I lost two friends I'd known since before my high school years, one of which I was really close with. (I blogged on it here)

The more information I received, the more depressed I became. This is so much bigger than the single death of this young and innocent teen in Chicago. This, at least for me, was the straw that broke this camel's back.

I really can't take it anymore!

I woke up this morning feeling incredibly blah....a complete 180-turn from yesterday morning. No more pep. Pandora was on but...I wasn't feeling it really. I was just....blah. My heart was heavy and I felt weary. The crime here is getting worse and something MUST be done in my city!

On the whole, Chicago needs improvements across the board. The education system is lacking, there's money in the city, but it doesn't go to where it needs to go to help properly educate our youth...and pay those educators a more reasonable salary to aid in motivating said educators to...educate in the first. I know funds aren't as available given the size of the city and the amount of kids and teens that are in dire need of a proper education, but something has to give.

If education (what should be a child's primary focus in their 'growing years') were where it should be, I firmly believe that the violence in the city wouldn't be as high as it is right now. It's STAGGERING right now. In 2008, Chicago reached a whopping 538 senseless killings of persons under the age of 25 in ONE YEAR! (Sidenote: My friend Kermit being the 500th- Rev. Jesse Jackson Sr was at the funeral; I spoke with him briefly). Now that total is worse than that and it isn't even October yet?! There's a problem in the Chi water. A huge problem.

It goes without saying that Chicago is one of the most important, most talked about, most admired cities in the entire world. And because of that, we even have a bid for the Olympics in 2016 to be held here. This is an event that will literally cost millions on top of millions (if not billions) of dollars. Funds and donations have been put in play for the bid to be placed in Chicago for a LONG time. It's a truly exciting event but.....

....my mind just says, "what about the violence toll? What about these kids?"

Mayer Daly's mind is primarily on the Olympics. "We'll deal with the kids and the education system later. That issue will always be there" he says with his actions.

......Okay...but the kids may not always be here.

It's just a sad situation overall in my eyes. Priorities are once again shifted onto what can be "covered up" whilst maintaining the "image" that Chicago is of "Elite-status"--one of the best of the best-the creme de la crop. Top dog. Whatever.

It's all smoke and mirrors.

The reality of the situation is.....yes, Chicago is awesome, but underneath that awesomeness--underneath the ravishness of Navy Pier, Lake Shore Drive, Michigan Ave, Hyde Park, Bronzeville, the beaches, the museums, the art and the culture--lies a terrible underbelly of a different kinda "culture"--a rawness that reeks of hate and pisses ignorance which breeds fear within our kids who are afraid to go to school for fear of being killed en route due to the senseless killings taking the lives of their peers right before their eyes.

I'm moved to start a non-profit organization of some sort--an Afterschool Program for our youth here in the city. I was a mentor in grade school and college. I'm moved not solely by Derrion Albert's death, but by the consistency of the deaths here in my city as a whole.

Something really needs to change. I just hope that change can be sought before it's too late...

*SlimBerry is my BlackBerry Tour

24

2009-09-23T15:05:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow is the date. 24 years on this Earth. It's my Golden Year....

And how do I feel about it?

*shrugs* I've got no feelings really.

Fact is...as I get older, I tend to look at Life through a different lens, expanding my perspective by pulling through the perception of others and their experiences and lives and also...by simply learning Life's lessons as I go.

If I could sum "me" up in just one word and expand on its meaning for me, well.......I couldn't. There are far too many adjectives that can be used to describe my person. I guess that's why I'm a Libra. I'm the most indecisive person I know. (I'm also a Virgo personality-wise, but that's neither here nor there)...

I'm constantly working on myself, trying to improve, elevate myself in all aspects of my life (intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, etc), and just try and become a better person all around. It's definitely a process that seems to never end and while I'll always be a "work in progress", I've taken note of a few things that I've noticed about myself on the way.

1. I'm Impatient - This is in reference to myself as well as things and people around me. At times I feel like my impatient nature is waning and I'm getting "better" but then something will happen (or not happen) and I'll get impatient with myself...or others around me for that something happening or not happening. I contribute this to two factors...

2. ...I'm Spoiled (still) - Blame P3 for this, but before him, I was unreasonably spoiled. He just curbed it. smh. No I am not the only child. I'm the middle child and I definitely had a case of Middle Child Syndrome, but I've always found a way to get my way and if I don't...I dont "throw a fit" but....I get impatient. Second factor would be...

3. ...I've got a bucketload of Pride - I've joked many a time that when I leave this great Earth, my cause of death would be none other than me partaking in one of the Seven Deadly Sins far too often. That deadly sin.......is Pride. I've got a very high self-esteem and I'm pretty independent and very used to having to deal with everything on my own. With that being said, I dont find comfort in asking for help. I see that as a weakness. Yes I am aware I need to work on this....but it, just like the other things listed, is a process, nothing to be achieved overnight.

4. I'm very indecisive. In everything - It's a mess. I flip flop my mind so much, I oftentimes get a headache. I weigh out the pros and cons of Life far too often, preventing me from simply "living" and giving trust a try. This brings me to my next point....

5. I (still) have unbelievable trust issues - I swear I'm going to try VERY hard to work on this. I say this very often. I'm serious this time lol. Me taking on the weight of myself plus the weight of others can only go so far. I'm actively taking the baby steps into becoming a more "open" person by opening up when necessary (see: giving advice, as a means to help someone else, but not just run of the mill chatter). Gotta learn to crawl before you walk and walk before you run.

6. I really do love but I'm not easy to love - It's all guard and my inability to pull said guard down at times. I realize it's all up to me. I've just got to learn patience with myself in easing the guard as well as patience with those around me as they muster the patience towards me while I very slowly let down said guard. (Did that confuse you?)

7. I'm growing out of my Fear factor I've held onto for so long but...it's still relatively there - Life experiences has me at a more "optimistic realist" approach in Life while at the same time fearing advancement because everyone knows that advancement comes with falls first. I'm just afraid of the falls. I don't heal easily. Again, still a process I have to get through. I'm learning.

Stop.

2009-09-03T17:35:00.003-05:00

I don't usually do dual posts. Okay, sometimes, I do...but most of the time, they are intentional. Today though, it is not.

About an hour after I posted my last post, I discovered that Maia Campbell was on the Trending Topics list on Twitter. (For those non-Twitterers, a Trending Topic is a theme of discussion on the popular social networking site, Twitter.com). Anyway, it appears as though a YouTube (and HoodTube) video was released on the internet, which showed Maia Campbell visibly angry, disoriented, and lashing out at the "cameraman" who was clearly picking fun of her for nearly 7 minutes.

Stop. Let's rewind a bit, shall we?

Who is Maia Campbell, you ask?

Remember the sitcom, "In the House" with LLCoolJ and Debbie Allen? She was the long-haired pretty and popular high school teenager on that show. Some years later, it is rumored and "confirmed" that Campbell does drugs.
Here is the issue that most people don't/didn't know:

While it is true that Campbell does drugs, this is what people don't understand. Maia has an illness. A mental illness. She is Manic Depressive. That, in so many words, is the equivalent of her being Bipolar. What this means is....unlike the run-of-the-mill strung out person on drugs, she CAN NOT just "stop herself and get herself out of the trouble she caused" and other hoopla I've seen spread and dispersed like wildfire over the Twittersphere. Because she has a mental illness, she LITERALLY can't control her own life and "make her life change for the better" and blah blah. No. She is mentally ill. She needs help. Professional help.

"But what about her taking medication?"

That is the other thing, folks. While I am not at all a psychologist, I do know a bit about psychotic disorders and I am very well-versed on the effects of Manic Depression. With Manic Depression, the mind goes through extreme mood swings that literally go from a "manic" (extremely happy, gallant state) to extreme depression (so down, suicide is considered state). Medication, though is triggered to help the person with this issue usually has some TERRIBLE side effects. Side effects so terrible, the Manic Depressive person can literally opt out all together from taking their meds because the side effects are just too much for them to bear (some side effects are actually periods of EXTREME Manic Depression until the body adjusts to the medication and there is no telling just how long that transitional period lasts).

Enter Maia's Introduction to Drugs

Maia knows she isnt feeling "like herself" and she is well aware that she is "out of mind" or however you want to term it. But those meds? You can [almost] forget it. To a person with Manic Depression, those medications may feel like you're going "crazier". But drugs? Drugs, just like alcohol, allieviate you of your mindstate and make you feel "better" about yourself and your surroundings. This is why drugs (and alcohol) are so addictive. The "feel good" factor is something EVERYONE who has ever been tipsy, drunk, high, etc can relate to. Maia knows she needs help but the help that is offered to her makes her feel worse. The "natural" reaction is to turn to drugs--a stimulant that makes a person feel better temporarily. Once it wears off though and reality kicks in? She's back to feeling manic or extremely depressed...and she can't get out of it. Thus an addiction so that that "feel good" factor doesn't wear off so easily is birthed. She needs help. Professional help.

So stop.

Just stop with the the jokes and making her a hit on the Trending Topics list. It isn't funny. Stop with the assumptions on what you think you know about her situation. She may have "done this to herself" as far as doing drugs goes, but if you REALLY think about/educate yourself on/take a minute to let it all sink in.......she literally can't help herself. She needs help.

When you are out of mind, you are literally not responsible for your actions. Period.

I advise people to read a very good book by my favorite author, her mother, Bebe Moore-Campbell. Her mother died in 2006, a day after Maia's 30th birthday of a brain tumor/cancer. Before she died, however, she penned many a novel and is a GREAT author. The book I advise yall to pick up and read is: "72 Hour Hold". It's a fictional tale about a mother and her relationship with her daughter that has Bipolar Disorder (later termed "Manic Depression"). This book is also closely related to her relationship with her daughter. I read somewhere that it is that relationship that gave her the inspiration needed to write the book.

To learn more about Manic Depression, click here...

CB on the TV

2009-09-03T10:14:00.006-05:00

(I couldn't think of a more "catchy" title at the moment. Deal with it.)

I haven't really blogged in what feels like months. Busy as a bumble bee. Nah...busier. But now that I've got some time, some thoughts to share with the world, and a little soapbox to stand on, I figure I'll give it a go. Ride with me:

So last night, I was watching Larry King feature Chris Brown's first interview since the fight him and Rihanna had in February. Twitter went crazy over the talk of Brown's ridiculous bow tie as well as his very apparent juvenile-esque demeanor while being interviewed.

Here's my take on the interview:

I think that Chris Brown held his own during the interview. In such a greatly media publicized debacle, I believe that given the circumstances, Chris Brown acted as any guilty, young celebrity who is bombarded by Larry King with the same question asked 527 different ways should act. He was respectable to both himself as well as Rihanna, well-mannered and to my surprise, didn't lose his temper one time. Personally, if it were me, since I hate being asked intrusive questions, much less asked the SAME question over a hundred different ways, I'd have exploded. But of course, I'm no celebrity.

Many times, Larry King asked intrusive and rather "illegal" questions trying to pick into the private conversations Chris Brown had with Rihanna and each time, Brown responded with, "I'd rather not get into those details out of respect for Rihanna as well as myself". I'll have to admit that I was impressed with the boy, not to mention.....he looked fine as wine. Damn. But that's completely besides the point (I just never really noticed it much until last night, but still....). And of course, Chris Brown stumbled a little on his wording and appeared "inexperienced" in his interview. I'm not making excuses but I majored in journalism in college. At the end of the day, Chris Brown is a very young young man in a very grown-up type situation. I understand that Chris was/is nervous and spent the ENTIRE segment making sure his words were articulated correctly. It was obvious that he did not want to say something that could be twisted around in a way he did not intend. And if he came close to saying something questionably incorrect (wording-wise), he had his lawyer present to step in. I can't fault this interview at all.

Many times during the interview, Chris Brown apologized, citing how sorry he was, that he still loved and is still in love with Rih Rih, how his actions were "not like him" and how he wished he would have "handled the situation differently and better". He even stated multiple times that he had no recollection of the night's events. He blacked out. I believe it fully. Why? Well because it's happened to me before. There have been (very VERY rare occasions) where I've gotten so angry my face turns red and I can't see clearly. When this happens, I usually just fall asleep but if I don't? I won't remember anything that happens immediately after I get in the "mode". One of my friends even called me "Hulk Mal" last time I was in the "mode". The point is...black outs happen. And they can happen while angry.

Personally, I think everyone should give him a chance to redeem himself. Just like any other human, people make mistakes. We should only criticize those that make the same mistakes over and over with no lesson learned in sight.

It goes without saying that no one can tell Rihanna what to do as far as reconciling with him on a relationship level. I can only say what I would do. In such a situation, I strongly believe in "forgive but don't forget". While I am probably the worst person to say this since I have grudge issues myself, if it were me, I would probably forgive Chris and accept his apology...........but I would not reconcile to be his girlfriend again. Again, this is just me, my personal views. At the end of the day though, everyone makes mistakes and everyone deserves a "second chance at life". He just won't be getting a second chance as my man.

I think that some people truly tend to forget that these celebs are humans first before they are celebrities. It goes without saying that Chris Brown did something HORRIBLE. He SHOULD be reprimanded, fined, and punished. However, I also don't believe that his one infraction should cause a permanently tatted Scarlet Letter to be drawn on his chest forever labeling him a "horrible person". If the tables were turned and you were Chris Brown, wouldnt you think you deserved a second chance?

I've never been a purchaser of any of his albums but I do enjoy his music. I do hope that he receives the help that he needs (I hope that BOTH of them receive the help that they need because for both of them, things are far more than what we see on the surface, psychologically) and somehow puts this behind him.

While watching the interview, in between laughing at his bow tie (really though--a BOW TIE?! smh), the compassion in me kicked into high gear and I couldn't help but really hope for the best for him. I can't and won't write him off yet. I just hope that when he does come back, he is a better person both inside and out.

Here is the clip of the show in case you missed it:

Ms_Slim

One In A Million...

2009-08-25T13:11:00.004-05:00

It feels like it's been a lifetime since I've been on any of my blogspots (the other one is here - clickie). I've just been SO busy, it's quite ridiculously and really obnoxiously unreal. I'm never sleep. Always awake. Always out and about. Always always. Always.

So now I'm on my lunchbreak at work. Figured I get a blog up and it dawns on me....today is Aaliyah's 8th year anniversary of her death. I know yall see her to the right of this blog. She was one of my favorite artists of the 90s in whole because I related to EACH song in her "One In a Million" album and also because she was one of the best dancers this side of Debbie Allen. Her style was also pretty unmatched and of course I copied (hence the Wrap I rocked non-stop for YEARS, side-swooped over the (right) eye included) I definitely learned a lot from her (dance-wise, style wise).

So without further adieu, I present all of my favorite videos from Aaliyah. Enjoy. Here we go:

Are You That Somebody

My cousin and I learned this dance fast as it came out. I STILL remember it. Anytime I'm bumping this song in the speakers of my car, I act out the hand parts of the dance moves lol

One In A Million

I LOVE this song. To this day. It's just got a really serene feel to it....and doesnt everyone have that "one in a million"? Maybe that'll be a blog for me...hmmm.....

4 Page Letter

This is one of my favorite songs of all time. Has anyone written their crush or the person they are dating a letter to tell them they want "more"? *whispers* I have lol (I told yall I relate to the ENTIRE "One In A Million" album) lol. Oh yea...I know this entire dance too :)

Hot Like Fire

Back when Missy, Timbaland, and (Magoo) was putting music on the map! (Okay, 86 Magoo,lol...but you get the point)

Rock The Boat

The video that Aaliyah was doing just before she was killed. I swear I lost my ever-lovin' mind when she passed. I made it a point to learn this dance. And I did. Of course.

Back and Forth

I think this was the first video I saw from Aaliyah. I LOVED it! And the "Back and Forth" became what was Ciara's "1,2 Step". She was the first....for Ciara and others. #fact - I had a (very minor and short-lived) tomboy era going on with me a little after this video. Wearing "boy clothes" was the style back then though. My sister was THEE tomboy. Ask her to recall though and she'd act like she didnt know what you were talking about lol

At Your Best (You Are Lov) Remix w/RKelly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3twe0D3o5P4

I'm pretty upset that the coding is embedded for this video on YouTube. When I get some time, I'll look to another video site for it. But this link will have to do til then.

Anyway...I LOVE this song! And the video was hot too, no? RKelly's presence nonwithstanding, this song goes hard. Much like One in a Million, you can just relax and reminisce with this song. Loves it!

If Your Girl Only Knew

One of my favorite parts of this video was the eye color changes. It's no surprise that I can relate to the song either. (Remember what I said about the album itself? Yes this is on One In A Million for those that are unsure) lol

The One I Gave My Heart To

Love this song. Somehow the video version is a little different from the album version but I love both just the same. For me, the symbolism behind the video is...she's looking in the mirror singing the lyrics as if to say, "how could he hurt me like this? Is it ME--something wrong with ME?!" I feel like that's a natural reaction with a really deep heartbreak.

Try Again

Another video I learned from beginning to end. I also loved her hair color. Just never duplicated. At the time,I was scared of coloring my hair. In 2005, I was no longer "scared" and put highlighted streaks in...and from that experience, I learned...no more color! lol

Those are my favorite Aaliyah videos. Feel free to add yours, plus a little story as to why it's yours :)

Revelation: Pride

2009-08-11T18:52:00.005-05:00

My name is "Ms_Slim" and I am very prideful.

Sure I know that this is one of the "Seven Deadly Sins", but there are times where I can not help this aspect of my being. Heck, there are times I am so wrapped in what I am doing that I do not realize the grand toll my pride has taken on a particular situation or environment that I am in.

But over the last few weeks, I have noticed the magnitude of which my pride tends to reign supreme....and subsequently come crashing down as a result.

And when it crashed, by golly it crashes. Hard.

Now? I'm kinda humbled. And it's only because I had to humble myself for the "greater good". At the end of the day though, I am still pretty prideful. I'm still too proud to ask for help when I really REALLY need it. I'm still too proud to admit my shortcoming to the world. I am still too proud to admit that in a particular situation, I was wrong....(but I wasn't the only one wrong). I'm still too proud to utter my true feelings out of fear (yes, I am still in a certain amount of fear; not the degree as before but in fear nonetheless)

However, half of the battle in all of this is the recognition, right? The acknowledgment of such obstacles, no? Though I'm "still too proud", the fact that I've admitted these things is a step in the right direction, right? I'm recognizing that I need to work on asking for help because no one is perfect. I'm admitting that I have a shortcoming, though I am not comfy or rather---"too proud"--to share it with the world. I admit that in that particular situation, I was (partly) wrong, even though I never admitted it to the person involved. I admit that I still have work to do. As does anyone else.

Some time ago, I'd never admit these things, in my head or aloud. I think I've made some progress.

I miss my granddad. Today would be his 84th birthday. Today is a reflective day for me.

fin.

sidenote: When I tried looking for a pic to accompany this blog via Google Images, how come all that came up was Gay Pride pics? smh. I am not the one. No pic for this blog I suppose.

AHNS: Counter-Opinion

2009-07-28T17:58:00.005-05:00

The SLH is at it again. I had him read the John Mayer post and he profusely disagreed with his stance. Here is the discussion between him and I. Enjoy.

SLH: Interesting quote
But you're not gonna like my response

me: LOL You’re usually on a different plane as far as everything goes anyway, so I’m not surprised

SLH: I think he's complicating life. Why use 64 colors when you can make whatever color blend necessary with 8. If you go out and buy a small fast sports car for speed, a minivan for size, a 2 ton truck for power and a motorcycle for quick maneuverability, you're (in my opinion) overstocking yourself when all you needed was a Kia Sophia to get you to and from A to B. Searching for that perfect magenta is like looking at a single tree in a forest and wondering why it's not to your liking

me: of course I disagree. John Mayer is talkin bout personal growth. Why limit your growth when u know there’s more growing to do? Why just be satisfied with where u are when u know u can ALWAYS improve

SLH: cause some people can get things done with what they're born with (8 crayons with no sharpener) and rather create than build their arsenal of colors

me: even now youre doing more, with everything you do in your life and the risks you’ve taken to advance yourself. There’s always room to grow. Yes there are those that do well with the 8. They can use the blue and green and white and create cerulean. But there are others that only seee blue and are stuck in that one color

SLH: right but i'm not sitting back saving up all of my money and saying 'one day i'll be ready to buy a house and a camera and find a job' I'm doing things along the way…some I succeed at, some I fail at, but sitting back complaining 'this doesn't feel right' would never get me anywhere

me: THATS what im talkin about. The immobile, not the ones making out what they can with what they have and sitting back and complaining is stupid. ACTION is what im on lol

SLH: but that's what mayer does in the quote. He’s complaining and letting a fine purple walk away cuz she's not on the same level as what he expects. Searching for a 64 pack is a good way to end up unsatisfied and friendless

me: I think you’re reading too much into the quote. You’re talking about accepting people for who they are. I’m not talking about that at all. I’m talking about people limiting themselves from their potential

SLH: but who are you (or john) to say someone's purple should be a magenta

me: not looking "beyond their life's lens" and only seeing one side to their life but not making any progress

SLH: if they work wonders with their purple lifestyle rock on

me: sigh
if they work wonders in purple, then they arent purple. They are magenta

SLH: hahaha. That makes no sense

SLH: This is similar to a talk I had with my dad about teaching. He considers it a waste of my life to want to teach because I have so much potential. He said with my degree and creativity it would be a waste to be in a classroom with some kids who don't give a damn. To me... that's john mayer telling me my purple sucks and I should want to be a Renaissance man about town wowwing the masses. But if I want to teach and I'm good at it in my own opinion... then rock on I shall

me: LOL!!! Well I'm clearly looking at it w/in the realm of limited thinking whereas you’re on some "but if I’m purple, why cant I just take the purple and add a lil black and make magenta?" If you read the whole thing you’ll see I said, "How is purple all you see when sitting next to you there's blue and red and next to them orange and green? And on the ends there's black and white? And when you meet new people and do new things, there's a wide array of ciruleans and mahogoney's abounds? How are you comfy with "just being purple"?" Meaning people that ONLY see one lane of sight.

SLH: key words in your last line 'you' and 'comfy'. If someone's comfortable with themselves... rock on

me: I just feel like everyone should go for their potential and u do too

SLH: That's a different argument. I agree with that too but if their potential is the way they're going and you see them and say 'hey, you should be going that direction!' that's odd to me. They can shine their brightest with their boring purple, why ask them to be something different

me: no I'd never tell a person where they should be going, but if they are say.....good at drawing right? And then they go to an art school--excel and blah blah, then get offered a job like Michaelangelou and they don’t take it, that’s odd. That’s not reaching your potential, that’s wasting time. Like-- why go to school and be an art major only to turn down a top job you seemed to have always wanted?

SLH: ok, hold that thought and think back. Has anyone ever told you 'you should be a professional writer/actress/athlete/model/wrestler! you're so good at it!' and you knew they were speaking out of kindness but you just knew it wasn't where you were headed?

Me: Yes

SLH: Now put yourself into the purple position and imagine that person who suggested that considered you a waste of potential for not agreeing

me: I mean....I’ve had people tell me to do this and that but it wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life; modeling is a hobby for me and nothing I see myself doing for my LIFE but yes I’ve had people tell me "you should do THIS with your life". But if I were to act like that’s what I wanted to do with myself and then get offered a spot on ANTM, turn around and win get a contract and when I’m supposed to sign it I go, “I don’t wanna do this for my life", that doesn’t make sense.

SLH: So that artist might not wish to be the Mchaelangelo of her/his time. Nothing wrong with that.

me: I’m saying....people that aim for a goal shouldn’t stop at a certain point when they put all their effort or energy into it

SLH: He doesn't mention anything about a goal

me: Like...why go out for American Idol if you don’t wanna be on the show and win?

SLH: He just mentions someone on a different path than himself

me: Well im talkin bout goals

SLH: He says 'they're doing their purple thing'

me: I took it somewhere else

SLH: they're not idle--sitting back doing nothing

me: You’re right. I took it up a notch. I mean do u still disagree with where I'm coming from though?

SLH: I disagree with the quote in general, not so much your take on goals

**I wish I could color-code my blog so you could get a better distinction of who says what; I have no clue what happened to that feature. Does anyone know? :-/

Always Happy, Never Satisfied

2009-07-28T11:53:00.017-05:00

I saw a quote by John Mayer that I stumbled upon from another blog and HAD to post it. Take a look for yourself. And yes, John Mayer is fine as wine, but...read the quote he spits below his picture.

I'll wait....

Doper words on life and social interaction have never been spoken. I feel like with the more people progress as individuals, the more other individuals within a group or a relationship, that are in direct relation to said individual, have a tendency to either 1. stay where they are or B. fall off completely due to "comfort level" within the relationship. It's like a chain reaction of sorts.

Of course this doesn't happen in EVERY interaction/relationship/friendship....but it happens. And when it does, someone is left feeling inadequate or as Mayer eloquently puts it, "...and I'm like, "no--I want magenta!" Someone (if not all parties involved) is bound to feel some kinda way when the individual is "progressin' in the Recession".

As we grow older, we as individuals shouldn't aspire to reach a "peak" (or "desired color") and live in comfort atop our own personal mountaintop. There's always another mountain to climb and a higher peak to reach. Of course there are those that vie for a simple life--middle class and happiness. Nothing major. This blog isn't about the materialistic. It's about personal growth. We should ALWAYS be growing. No excuses. Humans evolve and with human evolution also comes evolution of the mind. We are constantly changing, constantly having to adjust to said changes, and constantly molding into new beings, new positions, better humans. After all, if there was a limit to life (and I obviously don't mean the fundamentals of life and death either), why is the sky limitless? There's no end to it for a reason.

How is purple all you see when sitting next to you there's blue and red and next to them orange and green? And on the ends there's black and white? And when you meet new people and do new things, there's a wide array of ciruleans and mahogoneys abounds? How are you comfy with "just being purple"? How does that work? You don't even want to try out for Magenta? Weird. Very weird. But then again...maybe the 64-count isn't your thing. Or even an 8-count for that matter. And if that's the case.......that sucks. Who wants to just be with "their kind" only day in and day out? No one moves. Everyone remains the same. And all the while, minds deteriorate. As Jay put it...."[that] can't be life".

This reminds me of a book I read when I was in college in a class I was taking over the summer in 2007. In my Children's Literature class, I chose to do my Final Project on "The Giver" by Lois Lowry. The book is about a structured "world" where people are birthed and from then on are handed their "assignments" or roles in life. There are those that have kids, those that do labor work, etc etc. They are "programmed" from birth not to "look beyond the scope" of their Life's lens and for that reason, they are ALL very limited and extremely boring beings. One child was given the "assignment" of "The Giver", the person that knows the secrets to the world and beyond. Only--he can't really question what's out there, though unlike everyone else, he KNOWS there is more out there. The amazing part? He goes above and beyond his duties and UTILIZES his role and goes for more, leaves the world and goes beyond.

Though it's a child's book, the schematics and the mindset is definitely adult. I had to keep looking at it and even went as far as too research this book to make sure that it is indeed for kids. "Children should not be reading this book", I thought. Then again...they should. So they know ahead of time....evolution is necessary for growth. Without it, our souls are dead.

So as Mayer said (I'm just gonna summarize what he meant), since we (should) all change and evolve as humans are prone to do, "purple" shouldn't be as far as the eye can see. Magenta should be what we're aiming for. And after that? Well there'll always be a better, more inventive color after "Magenta".

My homie and I engaged in a discussion to which he countered this entire blog. Click HERE to read it. Enjoy!

Representative Pieces....

2009-07-14T13:51:00.006-05:00

Haven't written in a while. Haven't penned a poem in months. I can say that Life hit, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I've had a LOT to say and even tried to write a piece over a week ago.....all to no avail.

There's too much in my head to sort through.

Too many emotions going all over the place, making me feel very uncomfortable and dare I say it....insecure.

I am never insecure. Like never ever. This is new.

And this is the song of my life right now.

Kindred - Far Away

And because I actually feel like screaming (but won't), this song also reigns right now:

Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson- Scream

Next post will be better.....

Death of a Legend: That Mean Lean

2009-07-02T12:56:00.007-05:00

Okay. I'm back in my "Michael Jackson trance" that I've been in since his passing exactly a week ago. I just viewed one of my favorite videos from him, "Smooth Criminal" and thought I'd post it.......and tell a little story too.

Michael Jackson - Smooth Criminal

This was one of my favorite songs back in the day. The video is awesome and oh how Mike leeeeaaaaans, right?

Childhood memory: I remember back in the day how my little brother and I would watch Michael's videos religiously. You see, our dad has a VHS of nothing but Michael Jackson videos (He might have recorded it from a special shown on TV at the time, Idk) and since my brother and I were heavily exposed to Michael Jackson, we loved this VHS (when I'm done with this blog, I may call dad up and ask him to look for that vhs for me so I can see it again possibly over the weekend).

Whenever the tape got to the "Smooth Criminal" video, I remember my brother and I would both be in our shoes or stocking feet trying to duplicate. My brother was always good with impersonating Mike's moves. Me? Notsomuch. But I tried. (I got better once I got into dance though, but like everyone else, I'm no Mike duplicate).That lean though? I definitely tried. Without question. I nearly busted my head trying to do this lean, lol. My brother actually did bust his head. Good times.

Let's focus on that lean again, shall we?

As I got older, watching the video, I concluded that this was just a mark of camera work at its finest. The rules of gravity don't allow for a 50-degree lean, period. But then he did it in concert and I learned that it's in his shoes. There's something going on with the soles of his shoes or something. Either way, it's DOPE! (I still wanna learn this move, though lol).

One of my favorite parts of the video? Around the 7:47 mark where the little boy is doing the moves. Isn't he adorable?

Another thing I love about this video is how it easily distracts you from the lyrics as well as what's really going on in the video. The song is talking about a "smooth criminal" who comes and attacks a woman named "Annie" and just like any "smooth criminal", he leaves unscathed, yet "Annie" is suffering ("he left the bloodstains on the carpet"..."it was her doom"). However in the video, Michael comes onto the scene and even though people are highly suspicious of him and he causes a ruckus, he's dancing with them (remniscent of the "Bad", "Remember the Time" and "Beat It" videos)........but in the end, it turns out HE was the "Smooth Criminal" all along. Smooth, eh? Smooth indeed :). Because the dancing and the other elements of the video are so entertaining, I doubt people are even thinking about all of this. Of course I did though lol.

It was my intention to post just ONE blog of my favorite Michael Jackson videos and title the blog, "Death of a Legend: The Videos" or something like that. But then as I compiled my list, I noticed that there were entirely too many videos I wanted to include, each with a small personal story/piece attached to it in some way. So I've decided to continue this tribute sporadically and create an official "series" of some sort. You'll see the influence that MJ had on my life and hopefully it'll make you bring out your personal experiences in connection to the world's greatest artist as well.

Isn't it funny...

2009-07-02T11:54:00.006-05:00

...how the ones we trust the most are the ones that can hurt us the most and the quickest...

...are also the ones we admire the most and tend to lean on with the most ease...

...and are also the ones whose opinions means the most...

...but at the end of it all, we still get the most tongue-tied, disconnected, discombombulated, confused and incoherent when we need them the most?

*I know I promised two more parts to the "Death of a Legend" series I started on Michael Jackson, but that moment has passed at present. I may pick up on it again soon. Or do it in more parts and segments*

Death of a Legend: The Nail Art

2009-06-30T12:31:00.006-05:00

(this is an ongoing post and so far this is the 2nd part. The first part can be found here and is called, "Death of a Legend: The Reaction")

Remember the "glove"? Well of course you do. What started out as a ploy to cover up the beginning stages of virtiligo disease, very quickly became a trend in the fashion world. And no one but Mike could pull it off so fashionably.

I never had a glove though. Or a red leather jacket like his.

So instead, I did my nails (mani and pedi) in honor of the King.
Here are my nails (hand):

Pedi:

Ehn...I'm not too confident about the pedi pics. The pedi is dope...but the pics didn't come out right for some reason. Either way.....they are reminiscent to that of his jacket. The jacket from "Beat It" and "Thriller":

Next blog: "Death of a Legend: Respect the Legacy" will be up either today or within the next few days.

Death of a Legend: The Reaction

2009-06-30T11:19:00.003-05:00

(This will be an ongoing post)

I sat around and mulled around trying to find the words. I was in denial for a day and a half, kept looking at his videos and listening to his music so heavily he was in my dreams and when I awoke, a different song of his would be in my head..... "Billy Jean"..."Leave Me Alone"...."Scream"....and "Smooth Criminal". I didn't "accept" it til Sunday. Then I said I'd write....because it's only right.

But...

Every time I attempted to put pen to pad, I came up short. Like him, I'm a perfectionist to the nth degree. I wanted it to be right. I also know that I have too much in my head for just a lone blog.

But what do I say? Something other than "RIP" has to suffice. All perceived "dramatics" aside, I took his passing to the head, heart, and soul of me. Those who know me know that I took it nearly as hard as one of my own relatives passing. I was shocked, depressed, and sad. He has always been with me. I was heavily exposed to ALL of his works. Sure enough, I didn't know him personally, however with him being in the limelight for more than 90% of his life, I felt like I knew him. He was like a talented older brother to me. I looked up to him, even in his down and "crazy & strange" moments. I was loyal.

Then he was just........gone. No warning, no public knowledge of an illness. Nothing. So I denied, denied, denied. "It was a sick joke like they did with Jay-Z back then" is what I told myself. He wasn't even SICK! Who goes into cardiac arrest like that w/o being sick?! Who?! Yep yep...it was a fluke.

I didn't cry at all until Friday evening when I finally got the courage to look at the Chicago Sun-Times, which on its cover, displayed several pictures of his person and included what they had known so far of his very sudden death. That's when I let it out. But only for 5 minutes.

Then it settled in on me. And I began to accept it. Death is a part of life and life breeds death. This is stuff Ive told others when they lose a loved one. However, every time it happens to me, I take it another way initially.

RIP

Michael Joe Jackson
August 29th, 1958 - June 25th, 2009

Trey Day

2009-06-25T10:04:00.006-05:00

Last Monday night, I attended Trey Songz' concert featuring Laura Izibor at the House of Bllues and was pleasantly surprised to say the least.

Unlike the fuckery that was Drake's concert a few weeks back, the Laura Izibor/Trey Songz combo was a complete difference, in only the most positive of ways. The concert started on time with Izibor opening the show and giving the crowd something to be excited about. I love her voice and compare her whole style to that of Alicia Keys. She plays the piano and has a very soulful/jazz-esque sound that I can appreciate. I was definitely pleased with the performance.

Towards the end of her number, she performed Mary J. Blige's, "Real Love", which drove the crowd INSANE! She is really talented and should NOT be slept on, people! Download her album which just dropped in May here.

The curtain closed for about 30 minutes and Trey Songz appeared on the scene. His promptness won cool points with me instantly and I wished I could just sit back and enjoy the show versus standing shoulder to shoulder with the other concertgoers. However, I wasn't complaining.

Onstage, Songz sang songs from his latest album, "Ready" which drops in August as well as select songs from his last work, "Trey Day". While singing, I was hoping against hope that he'd sing, "Role Play", which is by and large one of my favorite songs on the album. It just does hard to me. However...he never sang it. Instead, he sang other bangers like, "Missing You", "Sex For Yo Stereo", "Can't Help But Wait", and one of my favorites....."Last Time".

He even took it back and sang a hit song from his very first album, "Gotta Go" to which case he belted it out as if it was his first performance while the concertgoers crooned along with him. It was an awesome night.

What made it even more awesome was his stage presence. One thing that he did that blew me away (besides him making eye contact with me on more than one occasion-I think it was cuz height-wise I stood out from most of the girls) was his ummm "oral-sex face". He did an oral impersonation that left me stunned. I almost had to slap myself to get back on track with the concert...cuz my mind had definitely drifted lol. He also got offstage and performed in the crowd. This was short-lived, however as he was nearly raped by the females within reach and had to be pulled back onstage. Some of the women were so thirsty you could see the sand fall out of their mouths. It was ridiculous.

I will say that I completely underestimated Trey before this concert. I considered him a mildly talented singer with way too much physical appeal, which landed him "passes" in the industry. After last night's show though, my mind has changed. The kid* is an entertainer. And not only that...he's a really talented entertainer. I'm glad I was wrong, otherwise I'd have been upset that I paid for the ticket to see him.**

Other points of the night:

- A downfall of the concert was undoubtedly the "all ages welcome" for admission into the concert. With this, there were kids (literally) of all ages (literally), including a newborn child wrapped in a blanket with its mother enjoying the concert. Couldn't find a babysitter? Smh

- The attire of the concertgoers seemingly everywhere. Monday marked the first day of summer and it was HOT in Chicago (like 88 degrees outside). With that said, there were people everywhere in theee skimpiest of clothing and also the most out of date of styles. I hate trend followers and "trend-only" styles because well...they die fast. I prefer a timeless style. However, that wasn't the worst of it though. Three girls who came to the concert together were dressed from head to toe like Rihanna's clone. (By "head to toe", I mean from the hair to the makeup to the clothing to the shoes and even to the tattoos and "swag". It was weird as Hell, not to mention Rih Rih's current hair is just NOT hot. Ugh!) But anyway...

- Women fighting (literally) over things that Trey threw out to the audience. One incident was near me. He threw his sweaty towel. The towel touched my hand and some girl jumped all over my poor arm. I was rocking my specs and those few off, almost to the ground. I immediately tried to keep my distance and said girl as well as two others proceeded to fight over the towel. Security came to briefly break it up. It wasn't that serious. They can keep his sweaty towel! lol

- Women literally throwing their pantiies on the stage. Seriously. I swear I thought that the whole panty-throwing was a myth until last night. Damn, Trey...smh.

All in all though, I really enjoyed the concert. And I will be getting "Ready" when it drops (pause). Next concert is Lupe Fiasco's (yall know that's one of my FAVORITE artists, hands down!!!) at the Chicago Theatre.....but *sigh* I may not go. I've got broke friends :(. We'll see though, so stay tuned!

I've got videos and pics from Monday night stored into my phone but...they aren't the best so I won't be posting those up.

*- Trey is a year older than me. I just like to say "kid" here and there.
**- I wasn't going to go, but my homegirl is a Stan so I obliged and went. And loved the show. I'm glad I went.

Revelation: Fear

2009-06-17T12:57:00.005-05:00

I haven't really opened up about it...but it's because I am in fear.

In my life, fear seems to be the only constant or control, with everything else set as variables that are willing to change, leave, come, go and transform at the blink of an eye. With or without my consent.

P3 has been patient though, even though he knows just as well as I do that it is my fear that can cause the detriment of anything we have created thus far as well as anything that may develop for our future. I know this. I see his frustration and withdrawal which only happens as a consequence to my own balling up, shielding, and withdrawing that I do so well.

My guard is thick and hard. Still. This is a good thing as it keeps me from being naive and susceptible to a lot of situations and circumstances I could have been placed under should my walls have only been guarded by one member of security versus the system that has been set up over time: multiple armed and militant guards standing in front of several layers of fences and mass steel doors which cover a security system in-house that's more strict than Mission: Impossible.

It is easy to infer that my "mission" has become Mission: Not A Chance in Hell. So this fear--this shield has become a double-edged sword of sorts, to put it in short.

And it's all marred by the house I live in that I've not so affectionately named, "Fear". And up til now, I was fine with my place of residence. Cuz I wasn't ready to deal. I couldnt'. Wouldn't. Told myself I shadn't.

But now I think I'm ready to move. Yet, I'm very cautious to step out of the house and breath the air that awaits outside sans the guards and heightened security system. I love my protection.

But...

It's preventing me from being able to take the risks necessary to advance past GO. I keep thinking of ways in which I'd get too comfy with the outdoors, fuck around and scrap my knee or break my leg from a "fall" and need my bed rest back into my House...rather than just "go it" and hope for the best.

I'm scared of everything. And I have yet to collect $200.00.

*For some reason, the song I put on here to support this blog wouldn't provide me with a link to paste it on here. I had Jazmine Sullivan's "Fear" in mind, though. Just act as though it's playing on this blog anyway, lol

A Day in the Life...Good Samaritan/Bad Samaritan

2009-06-04T11:16:00.007-05:00

I send Pillow* a text. It reads: "Guess who didn't know it'd rain today so she subsequently got "stuck in the rain" downtown AND fell in the rain on BOTH knees in one of her good suits?"

Rushing to work is the worst when you've gotta take two trains and walk a collective 4 blocks to get there on time. Add a downpour to that sans an umbrella and you've got yourself an even more pressing ordeal. Thank goodness for Good Samaritans.

The other day was something else. Coming out of the train station which took me from my suburb and into the heart of downtown, I really did not expect to see rain. I mean...there was no rain en route. (Or maybe I just wasnt really paying too much attention :shrugs:). As I creep out of the terminal and throw on my hooded springcoat to face the outside world which looked bleek, black, and bland, I'm interrupted by a, "let me know when you're ready". I look at the woman who is apparently talking to me.

"Oh go ahead," I respond. I think I am in her way of passing so she could exit the terminal.

"Oh I'll just wait. I've got an umbrella and I notice you don't. You going this way?" she motions straight ahead.

I pause for a half second to very quickly survey her. It is not advised to talk to random strangers, much less accept any offers of good will they may bestow. But it was raining, she offered her umbrella, and I hate getting my hair wet. I weighed out the pros and cons within that .5 second and oblige. She seemed harmless.

And my hair stayed dry all the way until..........BAM!

I fell. On BOTH knees. In one of my good suits, no less.

Now I'm 5'9", so my depth perception is typically "lower" than most people. All of a sudden, I'm on the ground, looking up and I have no clue how I got there. Now embarrassed (because I'm just too tall to be falling at random), I get up quickly and try to walk it off as if it didn't happen. Good Samaritan asks if I'm okay, while I laugh and say, "this isn't my day. I don't fall. Ever" and keep walking, still trying to ignore what just happened. Shortly after, we part ways and I thank her for being so nice.

I was on the way to an important meeting on the North side. I was incredibly early because I had no clue how long it'd take me to get from Point A to B and then finally to C (C being my final destination). Getting off of the El train I took once departing from Point B and the Good Samaritan, I spot a cab that could take me to my meeting.

I'm excited. It's raining out and even though I'm about 2 blocks away, this is two CITY blocks...which means the blocks are much longer....and must I remind you that it's RAINING! In my mind, me + walking in a downpour = no bueno.

Me: *shouting because it's raining* Good morning! I'm going to [gives address].

Bad Samaritan: *also shouting through the downpour* Okay. That's just about 2 blocks up that way *he points in the direction*

Me: Okay. It's raining. And I've got a meeting. Can you take me?

Bad Samaritan: No.

Me: *super shocked I got denied a ride by a cabdriver* Really?! Like--for real?

Bad Samaritan: Have a good day *speeds off*

Me: *now to myself like a crazy person* I mean did he just deny me a ride? Really?! It's raining!

I should have gotten his cab number. I wasnt even thinking about it at the time because that kind of stuff just has never happened to me before. I could see if it was a beautiful day outside...but it was POURING. Needless to say, I ended up walking the 2 blocks up the road and getting to my meeting extremely soaked. Thanks, Bad Samaritan. Thanks.

Lucky for me though, I got to the meeting painfully early so by the time it had started, I didn't look so terrible. (It was pure talent with the comb on my part however, because my hair was done for when I got to my destination!)

*- TLOML

Drake- Not the Best I Ever Had

2009-05-19T10:34:00.018-05:00

So last Friday, Drake came to Chicago's House of Blues and performed a few tracks from his So Far Gone mixtape. Six words to sum up the concert:

What a Friday night that was....

The concert was scheduled to start at 11:30pm/midnight*. However, the lengthy line of fans and concert goers that circled around the perimeter of the House of Blues did not budge until well after 12:15. Luckily, my buzz was still quite intact and the ultra-comfy heels I wore were still supporting my feet and providing comfort. Once inside, I met up with some other friends, chatted a bit while the 900 fans collaborated in the standing room and collectively awaited a what then seemed to be a "oh there's just a few technical difficulties/Drake will be out really soon, so no need to worry" ordeal.

But then....time marched on.

And on.

I noticed my buzz dying down and my feet hurting just a tad, so I helped myself to a drink to get back into my groove. At around 1:30am, I took a seat, sipped my vodka/cranberry juice mixture, and a random girl came up to the group of us and said, "Drake ain't comin; I'm leaving". We shrugged. I looked at my phone and noticed the time and said, "Dang, he really might not show up".

At around 2am, I excused myself to make my way back to my original group, who were positioned perfectly in the front row/center of the standing room. On the way to them, I run into an ex-boo's roommate (we'll call this ex-boo "Big" and the roommate "Ck"). Ck and I chat very briefly and for a millisecond Big is mentioned.** Immediately, the curtain finally opens. "Drake is coming on!!!" shouts fans everywhere.

But alas........no Drake.

Instead came flooding random act after random act of Chicago's Wackest Artists (henceforth known as the CWA crew). One of the performers was a Latino rapper who's entire theme was, "the game needs to change". He came onstage complete with a three-piece suit and was determined to set his message.

Then....the unthinkable erupted. Out popped four women dressed in midrifts and thongs. They did a choreographed number which included a series of spins (professional turns), leaps, and.........booty drops and splits. *sigh* I thought he said the game needed a CHANGE!

Everyone in the audience was agape. Stunned, shocked, and quite annoyed. When the Latino artists' dancers appeared, I instantly let out a very loud, "SERIOUSLY, FAM?!?!" for all those around me (including those onstage as I was pretty close to the stage) to hear. I was irritable and all that I kept wondering was, "Where the Hell is Drake?!"

Finally, at around 2:45am, one of the hosts closes the curtain and says, "Y'all ready for Drake?" I understand that this was a method of amping the crowd, but at almost 3am, it was no longer necessary. Of course we were ready for Drake...especially after seeing and having to listen to those extremely subpar artists!

The curtain stayed closed until about 3:15am. Suddenly, the music came on and Drake had FINALLY made an appearance. I wasn't able to do a video myself because right before he came onstage, my phone's battery had died out completely *sad face*. When he came, he carried on as if we hadn't been waiting for him for the past 4 hours. He gave a really good show and I was really into it (especially when he performed, "Best I Ever Had" and "Say What's Real") until.....

...a fight broke out right in the middle of Best I Ever Had. And the performance was briefly aborted.

Here is the clip:

[sidebar]
Looking at the clip at around the 4:00 mark, you'll see one of my homies that came to the concert with us--Mikey. He has on all black and when the commotion erupted with the fight, he acted as if he was one of the members of Drake's entourage to make sure everything was copacetic. LOL How he got onstage is completely beyond me. We were wondering where he was all night! Also-you see Lupe Fiasco onstage holding Drake? Man I wish he had performed. He is one of my favorite artists HANDS DOWN!!!
[end sidebar]

The concert ended shortly afterwards. A disappointed Drake said he only had one more song left to perform but in my eyes, he couldn't have been finished performing, for it was only 4am. Now 4am is a late time...however, considering he had just gotten onstage at 3:15, I trusted he wouldn't be finished until around 5am. I was a little bummed about the ending of the concert, but glad nonetheless. I was tired/sleepy as Hell*** and my buzz had completely worn off, never to be seen again. So I was bittersweet.

Once we exited the House of Blues, there were cops and ambulances all over, someone had been shot, and it was just an all-around mess dressed in true Chicago fashion. I can't say that I was disappoined at the overall turnout, but as I said in the beginning of this blog:

What a Friday night that was...

*- It was scheduled so late (most likely) because Keyshia Cole had a concert at the Chicago Theatre (about ten minutes away) that same night that started at 8. Since Keyshia is a bit more 'official' than Drake, guess who wins?
**- The "Big" fiasco may possibly may be a more developed story for you readers. I know, I know...shocker, right? lol
***-I did not get home until after 6am on Saturday morning, not to mention I had not been sleeping whatsoever since the beginning of the week. My Insomnia had DEFINITELY kicked into a very high gear last week. It was insane!

Been Cool Since Grade School

2009-05-11T16:52:00.006-05:00

So the homie VerbFashion published hers first and it kinda threw me off how once again she was in my head and did exactly what I was thinking of doing. Too bad I had to wait til after work to get this out of the way and to my blogspot. *shrugs*

Let's talk about The Cool Kids...

I grew up with Antoine (I don't think I'll ever get used to calling him by his stage name, Mikey Rocks, lol) and have known him since he was 11 and I was 13 years old. It's amazing how everyone in our neighborhood, grade school, and high school knew that he'd become someone dope and memorable. And just like that *snaps fingers* he's made it.......just as he said he would.

As Verb said, one of the things that made him a real live cool kid was his very individualistic style. At 14 and 15 years old, he didn't really care to try to cave into the trends set by 'everyone else'. He just did him entirely and it worked. He's cooler than that guy....literally.

I don't know too much about Chuck Inglish other than that his beats on the tracks made are very unique and extremely creative. The old-school hip hop sound and fun (and purposeful) lyrics are what gravitated me most to their music (other than the fact that I am actually friends with Antoine--I mean Mikey Rocks--in real life lol). I enjoyed Totally Flossed Out as well as The Bake Sale--both of which don't disappoint on any track. Each track is actually worth a listen (how rare is that?) Last week, The Cool Kids' lastest mixtape, "Gone Fishing" was released (although, I had the tape for much longer, lol). It's dope and if you're already familiar with the work of this group, you already know what to expect (read: no disappointments at all). However, if you aren't hip to them, I suggest you click the link below and get familiar STAT!

The Cool Kids
Gone Fishing

My favorite songs on the mixtape are: Pennies, Weekend Girls, and Champions. I can not wait until they drop their album When Fish Ride Bicycles either. This album is definitely a showcasing of the duo's creativity and individuality.

PSA: KFC Bands Together With Oprah!

2009-05-05T10:35:00.007-05:00

Firstly, Happy Cinco de Mayo.

Now onto the blog...

The Popeye's Chicken craze started something new altogether last week. Since then, we've had crazy deals from Church's Chicken and other chicken spots featuring mass chicken for the low low.

As if that isn't enough, the Queen of Media has hopped on the Chicken Bandwagon as well.

That's right! Oprah herself has also given us an offer we can't refuse:

2 pieces of grilled chicken (manager's choice)*
Two individual sides
Biscuit

To obtain the coupon, you must go to:

THIS LINK!!!

One of my homegirls sent me a text informing me of this coupon this morning and I instantly downloaded it. It's free and easy. However, there are just a few downfalls with this coupon. These downfalls include:

1. It is literally one coupon per person, meaning, I couldn't print out more than one coupon (the customary Print screen doesnt show up at all and only one is printed)

2. The coupon can NOT be photocopied. I tried to photocopy it once I found out I couldn't print out a bunch of original copies at once and....the printer not only printed out a really really BAD copy of the coupon which literally blurred the barcode needed in the first place, but the high-tech printer I have sent me a little message on its screen that read, "Bill Detected" kinda like what would happen if someone were trying to photocopy actual dollar bills. Oprah's people do NOT play, that's for sure!

And finally (pay attention to this part)...

3. The coupon is ONLY available for the next 24 hours. And since I am an hour late in sending this blog to blogger, it looks like it's only available for the next 23. The coupon started at 9am today and will self-destruct at 9:59pm tomorrow (that's clearly more than 24 hours, but I am just reporting what was texted to me this morning)

Advantage (other than the obvious):

A. This coupon is valid for two weeks, one time use of course, however. It is NOT valid on Mother's Day, though....and for good reason, I gather.

I did not participate in the Popeye's 8 for 5 fiasco last week at all, partly because I knew it would be a drama-fest waiting to happen and I don't dig drama, partly because I was at work ALL DAY and by the time I was near a Popeye's, I was too exhausted anyway and partly because well........food at home is always better than anything Popeyes will ever concoct. With this offer from Oprah, things are a bit more civil because 1. the coupon is valid for 2 weeks versus one day, which will limit the amount of crazies going on their cheap chicken charges and 2. this offer promotes a healthier side to life, really. It's the grilled chicken offer, a new type of chicken to KFC. It's like everyone has realized (at least by now) that chicken is the Black folk's kryptonite. As a culture, we love it. It takes the cake over our swine and our cow any day. It's known and committed to memory by every race, creed, and nationality at this point. Since it's the case that chicken will never ever never ever leave our diet, the food industry is wondering, 'hmm...how can we at least make this a healthy investment?'** I dig. Thanks, KFC & Oprah!

Personally, I prefer baked and grilled over fried anyhow....and I'm broke, so...a free meal always sits well with me.

A coworker and I have printed this coupon out already. Guess what we're having for lunch!

Have a good Tuesday, everyone!

Ms_Slim

*Slim says, "Manager's choice? HA! We'll see about that! I always get my way, dammit!"
**At least that's what I hope they are wondering, lol

Last Night, I Almost Had A...

2009-05-01T12:12:00.007-05:00

.........damn heart attack!

If my laptop were in commission, I'd have posted this last night on some Twitter shyt, but alas...you all know of my situation with that. My feet are still relatively planted against the whole Twitter fiasco. I'm just being a rebel right now and NOT GOING!

Between the game going into TRIPLE OVERTIME (and very close to a quadruple OT), P2*'s nosebleed & watery eye, several Celts being fouled out, P2 getting put at the line** every single time the Celtics had possession of the ball, Hinrich missing easy lay-ups, D.Rose missing a dunk, Ray Allen appearing to be virtually unstoppable (which thereby pissed me off as the game continued), and Brad Miller being put to the line as well (I almost had a heart attack with that action ALONE, smh).............at one point, I just couldn't take it anymore!!!

But at the same time, I couldn't pull away either. Last night's Game 6 had me reeling. I was having fits, temper tantrums, and near convulsions watching this game. For me, it was like enjoying unlimited amounts of soul food, knowing that too much of it would result in a heart attack or some other seriousness...but it was so good, I literally could not pull away. Good game. No--great game!

[sidebar]

I'm definitely on my 'bandwagon' stuff right now though. The Spurs will always be my top team (post-Mike, of course). I'm usually a Playoff viewer. The regular season tends to bore me more often than not and during the Playoffs, I pick a team and ride with them at that time. Last year, I rooted for the Celts and that was because it was either them or the Lakers. Anyone that knows me knows that iHATE the Lakers. The Lakers could have been going against a team of homeless drug addicts and I would have sided with the Homeless Homies foam fingers and noisemakers in tow. Ugh.

[end sidebar]

But bad coaching a la Vinny del Negro be damned. I am rooting for my Bulls to pull through in Game 7 tomorrow. I just hope I have enough time to sit down and prepare to get my blood pressure escalated.

Best part of the game (for me)

Let's recap:
Dunk on P2.
Foul out P2.
Get sent to the line.
Talk about killing three birds with one stone...
Thanks, Noah. I 'preciate cha! :)

Game 7 tomorrow! I can't wait!!!

*- P2 is Paul Pierce
** - 'at the line' refers to being sent to the free throw line

Pink LadyBug

2009-04-30T16:31:00.008-05:00

For as long as I can remember, I've always been one to keep my nails done, either by going to a professional and spending upwards towards seventy-five dollars every two or three weeks on a mani and pedi or by my own hands. As a child in elementary school, I set up a 'Nail Shop' to which case I had my parents spend all sorts of money on all the materials I needed to make my extra dough. I had polishes, acrylics, files, clippers, brushes, decals and stones...everything. And I charged my friends five to ten bucks a piece to get their 'nails did'.

I was pretty good too. I had appointments for after school, on the weekends, and all throughout the summer. I didnt limit myself to doing nails. I did hair as well. And I've always been very well-versed in the art of both hair and nail care. For that reason, I have always kept a bit more supplies than the average female in regards to hair, nails, and skin care. One day I'll write more on hair...but today, we're talking NAILS.

In high school, I always kept my nails done. When I started working at 16, part of my money was spent on dance (and during my team's competition season [and even during the regular season at times], it was against the rules to have my nails done), another part was spent on fashion, and the other part was spent in the nail salon. I did the designs and the decals and back when airbrushing was in style, I did that too. However, when I got to college, I mainly kept my nails clear or in a french manicure. I found I was too busy to keep it up myself, not to mention the nail salons in my college town were wack, so I didn't even bother even when I found the time.

After college, however, I was back on my nail regimen routine. I stayed in the salon every three weeks (gel sets are the best and last much longer) for manicures and pedicures. I haven't done acrylics in years and opt for my own nails. Plus, acrylics are a little harder to function with in the office. My nails even grew out to several inches past my fingers and I cut them down last summer after getting frustrated with the increased cost of paying for 'long nail' treatments.

The past few months, however, in the midst of the current state of the economy, have left me regressing back to my elementary days of doing my own nails and I've gotten far more interested in the art of nail design. Plus, I've got more priorities, which means I've got more money, but more things to tend to with said money. In February, I started really getting into designing and have found it to be a really relaxing hobby for me. Though I've been prompted by many friends, I've promised not to post any pictures of my designs until I was more confident in my work. Here is my latest design. My friend calls it, "Pink LadyBug". Enjoy.

When I finally give in and buy a new laptop screen (it's broken :( ), I hope to one day do a tutorial blog. Til then, I'll just post pics! :)

Happy Thursday all.

Happiness, by SLH

2009-04-28T13:36:00.008-05:00

Hey, All.

Remember the Spike Lee Hater (SLH) from this post and this post? Well he's back (for this blog, of course) and has given me a little insight on the topic of 'happiness'. This is why I keep this guy around. He is so genuine and I love his analogies on Life. I thought this needed to be shared with others and who am I to be selfish and stingy? Read on. It isn't long. I promise.

Happiness, as seen from the eyes of SLH:

Think of happiness..as eating right.
Everyday you eat.
Some days you come up on free meals...that are delicious.
Some days you pay for good food.
Some days you spend a lot and come up with crappity crap crap
And some days you cook for yourself
Either way, end of the day...you need to get fed

So think of yourself cooking...as you making your own happiness
If it's sunny outside, decide to enjoy the sun
If it's rainy outside, decide to enjoy the rain
If the radio is playing all left handed artists...decide you love you some left-handed Luther*
Take the ingredients you got and make yourself a good meal
Now...once you've satisfied your own hunger, think of those around you that also need to eat
Every day they have to find food...either pay for it, come up on free food or hope you share your cooking

It's impossible for everyone to be satisfied/happy/excited about their food every day
But you learn what you like
And you learn what others like
And before you know it, you're a bomb ass chef
And you're cookin up the unimaginable and not only do you like it...those around you wanna eat off your pot too
It's not gonna happen immediately
And just cuz you made a good meal yesterday or ate well last week...doesn't mean you'll eat well tonight

*I asked if Luther was really a lefty and he said, "no clue, but it worked for my little rant". lol. Everyone have a good Tuesday.

And the Award Goes To....

2009-04-24T10:27:00.007-05:00

*Sigh*

I tried refraining from this for weeks (and was only going to come back to the blogosphere for this reason alone, smh)...but....I'm so sick of Diddy, I don't even know what the Hell to do anymore. So many questions come to the surface of my mind like.................Why is he still around (performance-wise)? I mean he's the catalyst for the talented Day26 (whose name could have easily been changed to ClosetQueens after further review of their shenanigans on MTB4 this season.....Whew!...[Que and Rob, we alllll know the truth; just come out the closet already!])..BUT.....he's also the catalyst for the BreakUp of DanityKane (all of their ridiculously [and highly unnecessarily] large egos aside), we all know the mastermind behind the demise is Mister Sean 'P Diddy' Combs himself. Eden's Crush, anyone?

Diddy is also cornier than a field full of stalks. How is he still getting play? Who wears a Pirates' team cap for the sole purpose of the 'P' to indicate the 'Puff'? *crickets anyone?* A corny nukka named P Diddy, that's who! I've got the mind to believe that he even approved of Day26's continuously off beat and out of style style. Why is Rob still rocking a mohawk......with designs etched throughout the sides, no less? Why is Brian still wearing braids that went out as soon as Obama was elected and was pushed further into Hairdo Heaven as soon as A.I and Carmelo Anthony stepped foot into somebody's barbershop? And who approved of Willie's get up last night? Que is insane (and such a suspect I've already reached a 'guilty' verdict), but I'm sure that was just for TVs sake. Mike is pretty normal but he's suspect to me too. No one approved of this mess other than Diddy. I mean I could go on and on about his corniness...but I'd rather not.

Know what? Forget it. I'll continue. Why is Diddy still dancing and singing in his artists' videos and onstage? Last week on MTB4 (Making the Band 4 for the unfamiliar), Diddy said, "Day26 will be on stage....with me!" Nah, son. YOU will be on stage with Day26. There is a difference! Day26 is the show..........not you! Get your life together!

But seriously...does he think the group can't be onstage without him? Why is he necessary for the show? Is he that self-centered and self-indulged he'd go as far as to steal the shine from the very group he created and brought to stardom in the first place (secret lives exposed regardless)? He does this with all of his artists and I'm tired of it. To Diddy (and I'd put this on Twitter but...I'm not on there so...): (in the voice of Tyra) You wanna be on TOP? (record scratch - end voice) Then do you OWN music! Sheesh! Suge Knight had a point when he blasted you at the Souce Awards all those years ago---wait! Okay, bad example--Is Clive Davis hopping in folks videos? No, you say? I suggest you follow suit....cause henceforth, you look BAD! (and before you even get the mind to say it--that 'bad' is NOT used in a positive light nor is it an invite to say some corny shyt like, "yea I'm Bad like Bad Boy, boyeee" or any other ridiculousness. Get it together.... NOW!)

Aight I'm done with my rant.

Sean 'P Diddy' Combs, Fix it! Cause I'm worried!

Ms_Slim

PS; I like Donnie Klang's sound and will support his music. I know you've got the urge to but...don't eff him up, Diddy. He is good where he is so far.

I Wanna...

2009-04-23T14:58:00.005-05:00

Hey, All. How'd you like the new layout? One thing about me--I can't keep a layout for TOO long. I get bored and in everything I do, I've gotta change things up to keep the heat going.

Continuing on...

April is National Poetry Month and since I'm just now getting back to the swing of things here on Blogger, I figure I throw one up. Who cares if Im towards the end of the month? lol

This piece isn't even finished...I don't think. But here's what I've got so far.

**Click the PLAY button to hear the song for this blog below (also - you may wanna PAUSE or STOP the song playing on the blog over on the right too :) )

Enjoy.

MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

I Wanna...

I wanna feel the wind come up from underneath me
Wrap itself around me
Take hold of me
And lift me up

High above the ground effortlessly
Gracefully
And like a bird in the sky, I fly
Like TinkerBell. Perhaps better. Like Mal.

I wanna find that permanent grin that's hidden
Ever so clever-ly within the molds of my face
And finds cover within the depth of my soul
I'm prepared to hunt it down, like in a treasure hunt
But I know it can't be forced

Pushing all the obvious attributes aside
I realize that I've gotta find it deep inside
For within me, so deeply it hides
My latest tat reminds me daily
I know its in there somewhere

I wanna dream big in a realistic fantasy
Without barriers
Or worries
It'd be nice to also be void of responsibility or priority

Close my eyes and fall into a slumber
And dream a dream so real I believe it's real
Even though my mind's been reeled into the beauty of such a cosmic lie
That I eventuallyl wake up and whisper, 'I can'

Life's A Pimp

2009-04-22T12:05:00.006-05:00

*peeks around door* Anyone there? *walks in and waves* Hey.

I'm back....I think.

I haven't posted a real blog in a very long time. All I can say is that Life happened...and is still happening. I'm getting through, taking steps, and learning.

Thing is though, despite my 'thirst for knowledge'...I'm kinda tired of 'learning'.

Walk with me just a bit. It'll make sense, I promise.

I say that Life is the greatest teacher. It's the greatest teacher of self, of love, of happiness, of success, of sadness, of pain, of experiences. Without a doubt, Life teaches it all.

However what I'm tired of is....how said lessons are taught. You see, I compare the dynamics of learning in Life with learning in School and I have to remind myself that....Life lessons and School lessons are completely NOT one in the same.

And that's what I hate.

In Life, I feel as though nothing is learned until it is experienced. And it isn't experienced until a 'failing' of some sort happens. (I don't know the fire is hot until I touch its flames.) In school, I never failed. I excelled automatically. I never struggled in school. In fact, I was an Honors student in college and was on organizations and everything. I didn't have to FAIL in order to retain the lessons taught to me. I was guided through instruction and PASSED...with flying colors. (I was told beforehand that the flames will hurt my skin if I touch them so therefore, I stayed the fuck back.)

In Life, it isn't until I fall that I "get" the lesson I am supposed to learn. I have a major problem with that. And for that reason alone, I don't want the lessons anymore. I just want to know beforehand. This 'learning as I go' mess is for the birdies. For real.

Now am I struggling with Life? I certainly wouldn't say so. However, I have very little patience (and I'm spoiled...still, smh), so it would behoove me to have a manual of some sort.

**************************************************************************************

Here's a blog I wrote sometime in February that never got posted. I called it, "Life's a Pimp"

Life's a Pimp

I don't know everything.

I mean I never claimed to know everything in the first, but...recently it either feels like I don't know as much as I thought or...I don't know anything at all. Considering the fact that I know I am a very intelligent individual, I'll go with the former choice instead.

I understand that I'm still learning. Still making mistakes and going through the random periods of trial, error, and (in some cases) complete and utter fucking up altogether. Such is life. I just wish that there was a manual to this whole 'Life' thing at times. Or perhaps I'm the only one that feels I should have been equipped with an instruction book at onset. A cheat-sheet of sorts. Or something.

"How to Successfully Play Life Instead of Life Playing You" seems like the appropriate title of a best-seller, no?

Sigh.

That's all I had to say,

Ms_Slim

...For Now...part 2

2009-04-08T12:20:00.007-05:00

I'm still not writing. Still not 'here'. Still on 'hiatus from posting'. Still..........still? There's still a lot going on and in the process of taking care of the things on my Life's plate, I sorta lost my writing mojo. Perhaps I'll find it soon.

Anyway, here's some pics/vids I like. Or just find......interesting. Enjoy.

1. May Essence Mag

2. From Yves Saint Laurent...

...I need. Too bad they're $950.00. No bueno.

3. Keri Hilson - Knock You Down video

Not late in the least. Just 'late' to blogger. But...I love Keri. Her style is dope (not to mention that short cut is hot on her and lightweight makes me not want to grow my hair out anymore because mine is exactly like this sans the highlights right now). Not a fan of Ne-Yo at all (corny, much?) ...so I don't think he was necessary.

4. Just when I thought that 'phase' was through...

Kanye Dance from SWAY Studio on Vimeo.

Through all the 'Ye is gay' whispering, I always defended. But this? iLaughed...but still.

5. Eminem - We Made You

I'm just glad he's back.

Alright. Fin.

Random Survey for Now...

2009-03-30T16:04:00.003-05:00

Okay so it's been nearly a month since I shot up a real post. A lot has been going on and I havent had time. Then when I 'found' time, I didn't have a topic, so I guess you could say I had a weird sense of 'Writer's Block'. Then I started thinking that I had lost my 'joy' for posting. I'm not really sure. But in trying to post more, I've just done this quiz for starters. Til next time, enjoy.

************************************************************************************

The Most Random Survey
What's the first thing you do when waking up in the morning?	Um...I'll go with 'Open my eyes' for 500, Alex
Do you prefer a shower or bath?	Shower
How many times a day do you brush your teeth?	At least twice
How often do you find yourself thinking about your ex?	Next Question
What kind of cell phone do you have?	Verizon Voyager
What would you do with a 10 bill you found on the ground?	Right now? I'd invest in some gas
What would you do with your significant other if you knew today was your last day with them?	I dont know
Have you said "I love you" today?	Nope
What's one thing you actually remember about kindergarten?	My twin, Kenny. Thats how we met...in Kindergarten
Did you cry at your graduation or smile because you were glad it was over?	My actual graduation, I cried because I was leaving everyone early...my ceremony, I smiled
Are you closer with your mom or dad?	My mom by circumstance
Do you prefer the tanning bed or the sun?	I'm already black lol....but I dont tan
Is chocolate really better than sex?	Damn I really thought about this good and hard lol....naaah it isnt lol
What's 2 of your favorite movies?	The Color Purple, Bamboozled
What's the last thing you think about before going to sleep at night?	My future
What would you do if your best friend jumped on your ex the day after you two split?	I would seriously fluck one of them up.* Seriously. *One of them being my best friend. I've got 4 bffs
How many rumors have you heard about yourself?	Ahh the days of rumors.......
Which one did you find to be the funniest?
Does your life seem to revolve around drama?	Lately yes, le sigh
What's a nickname you go by?	'Ms_Slim' and...Not really a 'nickname' but a shortened one: Mal
How do you calm down when your extremely angry?	I usually talk it out, but I havent been 'extremely angry' in a minute, so I can't really recall what I do...
Do you prefer to work hard or hardly work?	lol. I'd PREFER to hardly work...but working hard is necessary
What are 3 places you want to see in the world?	Milan Hong Kong and um...Paris
A movie or a long walk in the park on the first date?	Walk in Park
What are 3 of the first things you notice about the opposite sex?	Whole face (I notice EVERYTHING), Height, and Dress
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?	Alive, having achieved my definition of 'success' and wealthy
In 10?	same thing as above
Do long distance relationships actually work out?	Depends on the length of said distance and how often you see the person
Ever thought you met "The One"?	Yep
What are 2 of your favorite places to eat?	Wishbone and....at home
3 of your favorite places to shop?	Express, online and H&M
Do you currently have a job?	Yep yep
Which would you prefer...be rich and miserable, or poor and extremely happy?	poor and happy, baby!
What's one of your favorite TV shows?	The Game
Does your life revolve around drama?	I see we're repeating questions: Um...Yes
What did you want to be when you "grow up"?	I wanted to be a doctor. Too bad I hate science. Then I wanted to be a teacher. .Too bad I can't stand bad ass kids....shrugs
Would you ever date someone covered in tats and piercings?	Nope
What's your favorite perfume or cologne for the opposite sex?	Isymiyaki and anything I buy lol
Do you believe the first kiss tells you everything you need to know about the relationship?	What? No.
Where do your hands go when kissing someone?	Depends on where we are really, but mainly on his head or shirt
Do you know who lives in a pineapple under the sea?	Spongebob SquarePants!
How many showers do you take in one day?	2
Are those better when you've got someone to join you?	Of course
Would you want a house at the beach or in the mountains?	Beach please
Which would you rather have...a huge walk in shower or a jacuzzi bath tub big enough for 2?	Can I have both? I mean because Im so indecisive and all...
What are 2 of your favorite colors?	Red and......anything. I dont really have a favorite color anymore. Any color looks great on me
Do you look up or at your feet when you walk?	Upwards. But when in wind, which is the norm round here...I look down
What do you think about people that are extremely skinny and actually likes the way they look?	Some of us just can't catch a break with a slower metabolism. I can't say so much about a person that LIKES being deathly thin though. Ew.
Who do you prefer...Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?	Uh what?
What's your favorite ice cream?	Chocolate and Strawberry Cheesecake :)
Do you like Starbucks...or are they just overpriced?	I mean they ARE overpriced...but I love 'em just the same
Are you a prep or a jeans-and-t-shirt type of person?	Can I say, 'jeans and button up'?
What color are your eyes?	Dark Brown with a blue ring (no its not from contacts; its genetics. Dont hate :) )
Do you have glasses or contacts?	I have both
Ever had someone you love tell you they never want to see or talk to you again?	Um yes
How many times has an ex just called you up when you least expect it?	A couple times
Is it love at first sight or lust?	At first sight? I say 'lust'. I really feel like 'Love' takes time
Which do you want...a big extravagant wedding or a quiet intimate ceremony?	Something in the middle again. I dont want a small wedding, but I dont want a 20K one either. Is 300 people a 'big' wedding?
What's the most expensive thing you own?	My student loans and my car
What's the most you've ever spent on a pair of jeans?	160.00
What color are your bedroom walls?	white
Do you ever actually make your bed?	yep. daily
How many pillows do you have to sleep with?	one
Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone?	Depends
What is one of your pet peeves?	Loud people, Ignorant people, Liars, and being stared at!!! (Sorry; I couldnt just pick one lol)
What could you tolerate...someone who snores or a sleep walker?	Sleep walker. At least they arent making noise all in my ear
What's the craziest thing you've ever done?	I'm not big on 'crazy things'...
Would you rather sky dive or bungee jump?	Um..neither for 200, Alex
Ever been outside of the US?	Nope :(
Ever think Texas should just be part of Mexico?	haha it may as well be...
How much do you think your house would be worth if it was setting in the hills of California?	ahh millions?
What do you honestly think about the kids on Sweet 16?	Not familiar...
Are the shows on MTV too fake?	I dont do MTV
Do you have to have some kind of noise to fall asleep?	Nah not usually
What time is it right now?	3pm on the dot
What's your zodiac sign?	Libra!
How long does it usually take you to get dressed?	about a half hour to 45
Do you prefer to call or text someone?	I prefer to text. I'm always either too busy to call or my attention level is off the wall and I cant sit still long enough to pay attention to the convo. Its a mess. Just text me
Who is your celebrity heart-throb?	Common. Usher. Michael Ealy
Would you have survived 100 years ago?	Yep
What do you think the world will be like in 30 years?	Im kinda scared because of Nostradamus and his prediction. Hit me up in like 4 years...
Do you have to be the center of attention?	Nope. I've been called an Attention Whore...but I'm FAR from one that likes to be in the center of it all
Do you save your money or spend it when you get your hands on it?	These days? Save
Are you a party animal or someone who prefers to stay in?	Ex-PA. I stay in these days
Ever been told you are "The Life of The Party"?	Nahh
Did you get a new year's kiss?	Yea like a few days AFTER the New Year smh lol
What was one thing you wanted for your birthday you didn't get?	I didnt want anything last bday really
Are you a happy person?	Ehn....next question
If money was no option...what type car would you own?	Most likely a BMW or Lexus
Do you think you could actually survive the cost of living in California or New York?	Hmmm....yep I do
How many concerts have you been to?	Not sure. It's been a lot
What are 3 set radio stations in your vehicle right now?	Um...looking confused...radio? Whats that? I dont do radio, homie
Do they "wear-out" good songs by over playing them?	In the days I did radio, yep they did!
What's one thing you always said you'd never do but have done?	I'd say that I'm a woman of her word. If I say it, I do it...or don't do it, depending on what I say..
Have you ever flat ironed your hair?	Yep. Without it, it just coils up, ugh
What's the most you've ever payed for shampoo and conditioner?	I dont know. Like ten bucks a pop
Was it actually worth it?	Yep
Ever been told your a flirt?	Yes. And I DONT see it. I've been told that it's my eyes. Whatever.
What have you done that you are proud of?	Early graduation stands out the most right now
Do you go to church every Sunday?	No
Do you have a hidden talent?	'hidden'? No
Are you an adrenaline junkie or someone who plays-it-safe?	Again- Im in the middle about this too. I'm not a 'daredevil/ex-factor/lets be dangerous' type girl at all. At the same time, I'm no prude either. I'm somewhere in the middle. I try anything (reasonable) once
Do you like water parks?	Yep. Can't swim though
What do you normally eat for breakfast?	Fruit. Or my usual: eggs, turkey bacon/sausage, white rice, and toast
What do you think of those people that will actually pay 0 per person to eat dinner?	Nothing. Whatever floats their boat...and their pockets apparently...(did that question really mean to say 'zero' per person?)
Ever been called a tease?	Yep. But that makes even less sense than the flirt thing to me...
What is one of your childhood memories?	Being the only kid on my block that had a certain distance I could ride my bike.
Do you like to cuddle?	Yep
Do you have an actual comforter on your bed?	Yep
Do you like the heat or cold weather?	Heat. I can't even 'middle' that one, because sometimes medium-temp weather is too cold for me
What was your favorite cartoon as a kid?	Looney Tunes
Do you prefer dogs or cats?	Dogs. I hate cats!
When no one is home...do you actually walk around naked?	Not BUTT-naked...but with just my undies on, yep yep!
Have you ever seen a ghost?	I thought I saw each of my grandparents in the first months that they passed
What's the best movie you've seen recently?	Recently like last couple weeks or so? The International. Recently like last year? Dark Knight
Do you prefer scary movies or comedies?	Comedies
Ever had a huge crush on someone and never tell them?	Nah
Did you high school have the clicks like Mean Girls?	Yep. I was a member of one lol
Are you a bashful or outgoing person?	I'm "outgoingly bashful". I'm not a 'shy' person at all, but I observe my surroundings a lot when in an unfamiliar place or around people I dont know. Once I get to talking though, I can go for a while lol
If you could change one thing about your body...would you?	Nah, other than maybe gaining like 6 pounds, my body is kinda really perfect :)
If someone held a gun to your head and asked you..."Do you believe in God?" what would you say?	I'd say 'damn straight!'
Would you drive 1000 miles for the one you love?	Been there, done that
What was one thing you was given as a child and still have?	A teddy bear dressed in a Rocky outfit (see: Rocky and Bullwinkle) that I named Rocky...obviously
Do you have a favorite shirt or pair of jeans you wear over and over?	Not really. Everything I wear is a 'favorite'
Will you move away from your hometown any time soon?	Been there, done that
Would you actually relocate for the one you can't live without?	Not in my next move
Does love really make you act crazy?	Love makes me act 'out of character' but never 'crazy'
How many texts do you send on average a month?	Wow, something like 2500 I think. So glad I've got 'unlimited texts' because that phone bill would be ri-darn-diculous if I didnt
Have you ever talked to a psychic?	Nope. I'm already one.
How many kids do you want?	Three. Thats it and thats all.
What's your favorite name for a girl and boy?	Boy: Dylan Girl: Tyler
Have you ever actually snuck out of your house?	Nope
How many things have you done that your parents don't know about?	Nothing. They found out about everything at one point or another lol
Ever been taken to jail?	Nope
Have you ever had a pen pal?	Yep, back when days were simpler. We had a pen pal program in Grade School
What are you about to do now that this survey is over?	Get back to work
Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at PimpSurveys.com

Rocking the Red Pump Project!

2009-03-10T14:47:00.005-05:00

Today is National Woman and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. Two bloggers, Luvvie and Karyn have created the Red Pump Project in efforts to spread awareness about the fifth leading cause of death in women ages 25-44.

I realize that I am supposed to wear red today in lieu of my support for the cause....but see what had happened was..........yea. I was rushing for work and completely forgot about it this morning. I do, however, have red nails today. Does that count?

Anyway, I can not stress enough how serious a disease this is. In a world where monogamy seems to be an anomaly, it's truly a wonder how people are still out having unprotected sex so freely. I'm sure unprotected sex may feel better and even be more comfortable, but is it really worth risking your life over...literally? Before anyone engages in the act again, everyone should think on that and the value they really put on their lives to begin with. I read somewhere and it rings true, "sex was a secret thing, then it was a pleasurable thing, and now it's a dangerous thing" -paraphrased by a source I now have forgotten

There will be a Happy Hour event hosted in Chicago as well as in Kansas City. More information on those events are found here.

To donate to the cause, click here.

The Red Pump Project also has gear on deck for those interested as well (doing big things, indeed). For the Red Pump Store, click here or just go to the Red Pump Project site and you can purchase items from the left side module found on the page. Here is the link to the site again: Red Pump Project

***************************************************************************************
Here are some statistics on HIV/AIDS and the effects of them on women and girls, worldwide:

Statistics used are from the Center for Disease Control's website. Although these stats are only taking the United States into account, globally, HIV/AIDS is no less of a problem, especially for women.

Key Snapshot of the U.S. Epidemic Today

Number of new HIV infections, 2006: 56,300
Number of people living with HIV/AIDS: 1.1 million, including more than 468,000 with AIDS
Number of AIDS deaths since beginning of epidemic: 583,298, including 14,561 in 2007
Percent of people infected with HIV who don’t know it: 21%

HIV/AIDS & Women in the United States
------------------------------------------------
*There are approximately 1.1 million people living with HIV/AIDS in the U.S. & almost 280,000 are women

*In 2006, there were 15,000 new HIV infections and 9,801 AIDS cases diagnosed among women

*There were 3,784 deaths among women with AIDS in 2006

*Among those who are HIV positive, 35% of women were tested for HIV late in their illness (diagnosed with AIDS within one year of testing positive)

*HIV is the 5th leading cause of death in women in the United States, ages 25-44

*High-risk heterosexual contact is the source of 80% of these newly diagnosed infections in women

*According to a CDC study of more than 19,500 patients with HIV in 10 US cities, women were slightly less likely than men to receive prescriptions for the most effective treatments for HIV infection

*Women with AIDS made up an increasing part of the epidemic. In 1992, women accounted for an estimated 14% of adults and adolescents living with AIDS in the 50 states and the District of Columbia. By the end of 2005, this proportion had grown to 23%

*From the beginning of the epidemic through 2005, almost 86,000 women have died of AIDS and AIDS-related complications.

*The largest number of HIV/AIDS diagnoses during recent years was for women aged 15–39

HIV/AIDS & Minority Women
-----------------------------------
HIV/AIDS disproportionately affects minority women in the United States. According to the 2005 census, Black and Latina women represent 24% of all US women combined, but account for 82% of the estimated total of AIDS diagnoses for women in 2005.

HIV is:

*the leading cause of death for black women (including African American women) aged 25–34 years.

*the 3rd leading cause of death for black women aged 35–44 years.

*the 4th leading cause of death for black women aged 45–54 years.

*the 4th leading cause of death for Latina women aged 35–44 years.

*The only diseases causing more deaths of women were cancer and heart disease

*The rate of AIDS diagnosis for black women was approximately 23 times the rate for white women and 4 times the rate for Latina women

*In 2006, teen girls represented 39% of AIDS cases reported among 13–19 year-olds. Black teens represented 69% of cases reported among 13–19 year-olds; Latino teens represented 19%

These statistics were pulled from The Center for Disease Control's website and the Kaiser Family Foundation's Fact Sheets (which cited the CDC). Get more information about the effect of the epidemic from these sites.

Be Safe, Everyone,

Ms_Slim

Insomniac Ramblings Part 194

2009-03-02T00:57:00.005-06:00

It's 2am and I've gotta be up at 5 yet.....there isn't any part of my body that is sleepy. At all. I swear I'm beginning to think that this particular bout of Insomnia is only getting worse instead of better. I have my own ideas and theories of why that is but....ah well for now I guess...

Anyway, I'm in my mind tonight and I'm thinking about a plethora of things. I realize also that I haven't written a haiku in years. I "quit" writing them because I reached a point where I felt like the complexity of haikus were both simple yet complex at the same time. They were simple in that they were only comprised of three lines and very few and rather simple words usually. Yet they were complex because (at least for me), when a haiku was written, I never felt like I had enough down...yet, by definition and 'rules' of the haiku, I did.

However, I was talking to one of my homegirls who just so happens to have a blogspot too, VerbFashion, and we got to talking about haikus, so I said I'd throw one up here to reflect my present state of mind. Here goes:

Late night thoughts run by

Seeping through and purging forth

Crevices of me

I'm rusty,

Ms_Slim

Madea (Needs To) Go To Jail.....For Life!

2009-02-26T12:44:00.006-06:00

I have a major problem with film director Tyler Perry. I'll say that Tyler Perry is like Lil Wayne in the movie game. He's well-liked, gives the (mass) people what they want to see, and makes a lot of money while doing it. It should be hard to find a fault on the powerful Black man in the name of Cinema, right? Wrong. In the same vein of what makes him 'so popular', he is also an integral part to the support of Blacks continuing to make excuses for their shortcomings and take responsibility for their actions, inaction, and future. He is a sore in our culture, opting to entertain by exploiting the stereotypes of our race for comedic relief, subliminally bringing to light what is wrong with our culture but providing little to no viable alternatives to such a problem, and on top of everything else...he just plain sucks.

Last weekend, I went to see Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail. I've never liked any of the Madea plays and most of his movies were just doing too much for my tastes, namely because of his penchant for broadcasting the stereotypes of Blacks and blanketing them, making them much bigger and 'general' than they really are. I have a problem with that. A big problem. However, I went to see it anyway because my homies wanted to see it and I didn't want to be the odd one out. Plus the tickets were only six bucks so I figured, "why not?"*

I knew this film would be full of fuckery to the tenth power when not only was it the usual run-of-the-mill stereotypical "from Down South" Blacks speaking in broken English, partying with the "big red cup", and ultimately making a mockery of our culture by talking loud for no reason and being uncooperative. Sure enough, these stereotypes exist. But the whole film? I shook my head when everyone laughed at the stereotypes. I just didnt find it funny.

It's important to embrace our culture and 'be real', of course. My problem lies mainly with his character development in all of the works he's done with the exception of "Why Did I Get Married" and "A Family That Preys" because in those films, his characters were variant, diverse, and painted a more wholistic picture of our culture, marking our general social struggles but still not losing sight of the battle we as a culture face and also took note that...there ARE successful Black people in the world that work legally, aren't ignorant and uneducated, have families, and take responsiblity for their actions.

It's like Perry is doing this on purpose though. It's one thing to have that one film or two exploiting your race for comedic relief...and an entirely different animal altogether to have a portfolio of buffoonery as your main source of income. I can't knock him because he's made it work for him and he's now a millionaire...but damn all that! I can knock him for disrespecting our race time and time again!

I do wonder though: Do Whites see us like this? Do they 'blanket' us and think we're all this ridiculous? That we're all jokers with no goals and just getting by with Life? The theatre I was in was packed with Whites taking up about 85% of the seating. I understand that the movie is a comedy but I saw so much deeper than all that and I was heartbroken by what I saw....generally. We aren't all like that. See the Black attorneys in the film? We can be like that too (though I felt like he should have developed more into the story of those successful Blacks) and it isnt an anomaly. We're successful, driven, educated, and happy. Damn you, Tyler Perry!!!

Take all of these issues I had with the character development out and let's focus on how the film was completely underdeveloped. On one hand we had Madea on the brink of going to jail and profusely refusing help, by which case she ultimately loses her cool in a very extravagant (read: EXTRA!) way and is eventually jailed (no shocker there; we knew she was going to jail by the title alone). On the other hand, we have Candy, played by Keysha Knight-Pulliam (aka: Rudy from the Cosby Show) who is a prostitute that is sentenced to jail for an unreasonable amount of time because she is friends with an attorney who is engaged to a very jealous and outright ridiculously unfair and selfish woman to whom he works with. The fiance intentionally dallies with Candy's legal papers and makes her go to jail so that her and her husband-to-be can live their lives without Candy's interrupting. Basically, the movie was two stories in one film. It was obvious.

And even though it's titled, "Madea Goes to Jail", I personally favored the latter story.

I felt like the connection between the two scenarios should have been much more clear and well...developed. Instead, Perry waited until near the end of the film to bring the two (Madea and Candy) together and when he did, it was still clear that this was two movies in one.

Bad character development + Grossly underdeveloped plot + A few laughs here and there =

Ms_ Slim rolling her eyes and sitting at the film laughing sparingly instead of in a rukus like everyone else. I just saw so many errors and couldn't get past it for the sake of mere comedic relief.

(Gotta admit: The Madea and Dr. Phil scene was the funniest scene in the whole film)

Boo, TP, BOOOO!!!

Ms_Slim

*- I was nowhere near Chicago last weekend. Movie tickets in Chicago are anywhere from 9 bucks a ticket to 11 bucks downtown, with matinee being 7.50. Where I was, tickets for adults were only 6 bucks. If I was in Chicago and had to pay for my own ticket (or even if I didnt pay for it), I wouldnt have wasted any time, energy, or money seeing the film for 9 to 11 bucks. It isnt worth it AT ALL...in my opinion, of course :)

The Spike Lee Hater, Part 2 (final)

2009-02-25T11:31:00.003-06:00

Background: This is the relevant IM thread from yesterday. We got on the subject of Spike Lee because we were discussing the outing I was to go on later on that night (last night) and I mentioned to him how I was going to go see The International with Clive Owen. For me, Clive Owen is most memorable for Inside Man, a Spike Lee movie. From there went this:

Ms_Slim: Have u seen Inside Man?

Spike Lee Hater: yup

Ms_Slim: Thats easily one of my fav films. I love Spike Lee. And I love him more that he isn’t Tyler Perry.

Spike Lee Hater: That might be the only Spike movie I can sit thru

Ms_Slim: (shocked face) …and why's that?!?!

SLH: I think other than Crooklyn, I never enjoyed the stories.

Ms_Slim: Those are fighting words, son. I mean not even Malcolm X!

…or even....even....EVEN Do the Right Thing?! …or Jungle Fever? I don’t know, man...I’m too blown away by that statement.

SLH: Documentaries are different, nothing to script as far as plots go. I enjoyed X

Do the Right Thing, School Daze--I just don't think if I had kids I'd want them watching them. There's nothing positive about them in my eye

Ms_Slim: Maaaaaaaaaaaan. I swear I never ever expected you to say that. You’re a predictable guy. No surprise about you at all. But that right there? That shocked me and I had to get up for a sec.

SLH: I'm not gonna lie, a big part of me is not a fan of black folks and Spike's one of the reasons

Ms_Slim: Not even Bamboozled though? Come ON man!!! I grew up on Spike Lee movies and Hip Hop so I couldn’t see any part of my childhood without those elements really.

SLH: Bamboozled... one of the worst pieces of cinema I've ever sat thru. It took about 5 years to stomach thru actually watching it.

Ms_Slim: OMG! I’m having a hard time with that statement. Why don’t u like Spike? I mean he isn’t like Tyler perry, who brings forth stereotypes to a comical screen much like Bojangles. Spike Lee educates. I’m totally outdone.

SLH: Tyler Perry itches my soul somethin’ awful also, but they're two different itches

Ms_Slim: There are a lot of things people didn’t/don’t know about that he brings to screen and opens eyes to them. See: Do the Right Thing…or Jungle Fever…and especially Bamboozled. Wow.

SLH: I suppose I just choose to get my education elsewhere. I won't knock anyone who follows any of the movies. They just didn't speak to me

Ms_Slim: I mean i can understand them not speakin to you (I’m basically telling him to respect the craft and acknowledge the greatness regardless), but you said you’re not a fan of black folk, which I knew, but then u said that Spike is one reason why…and I don’t get that, considering he's an educator.

SLH: As for being an educator, everyone is an educator to someone. Spike just happens to not be an educator to me

Ms_Slim: okay…..(a bit confused)…fair enough....I guess

SLH: I feel he pushes an empty point--stand up and say something--fight it--don't take it sitting down!

...Someone asks 'what are we fighting?' Nobody knows. Same with certain music of that era

“Fight the power!”

What power?

Why are we fighting?

Ms_Slim: WOW

SLH: Same with poetry. If it's not telling me anything substantial, I’d rather not bother with it

Ms_Slim: Ahhhhhh….

SLH: Same with reading books

Ms_Slim: Stop! Stop! Stop!

SLH: If I'm not gaining anything...I have to put it down

Ms_Slim: I’m gonna jump through the computer and wring a certain 18 inch neck for all this blasphemy! Now you’re on POETRY?!

SLH: I'll easily say I learned more from the Lion King than any Spike Lee movie

Ms_Slim: Are u aware of who you’re typing to? lol

SLH: I learned more from Forrest Gump than any Spike Lee movie. There's ways to tell a story so you instill lessons in it... and there's way to put out a film that you feel is deep. Spike Lee puts out what he feels is deep (I saw that point. One point for the SLH!) Unfortunately, he and I share a different level of depth apparently (meh)

Ms_Slim: I’m sorry. I had to leave the screen for a second because you were talking from the crevice on the side of your neck. ah well :) (Our insults are said jokingly)

SLH: Understandable.

Ms_Slim: I feel so violated right now

SLH: Male coworkers staring at you too hard?

Ms_Slim: I’m guessing you have a problem with Maya Angelou too (He said ‘same with poetry’, so…)

SLH: She's never done anything to move me, but I did hear her speak

Ms_Slim: (referencing the ‘male coworkers’ statement).....considering there isnt a drop of testosterone on board, I'm gonna have to go with no

SLH: She's a very moving speaker

Ms_Slim: So she HAS done something to move you!

SLH: I was seated at the time

Ms_Slim: LMAO. Congrats, [SLH]. You prompted a blog from me! :)

** Now I'll admit that after his explanation, I saw his side of things. He made a lot of sense. The conversation continued and we expanded into the dynamics of music of the 90s (namely: Public Enemy, McLyte, Sister Soldja, and KRS-1). We even discussed the influence that music had on the Black race in the 90s (his argument saying that it stemmed from the 80s--which I agree with). We discussed Forrest Gump and its lessons as well as the Black mentality and how (as a race--collectively) our race has slacked on the part of taking responsibility for our own destiny, downfalls, and life in general and have resorted to blaming "The Man" for the bulk of our shortcomings. We also discussed psychology, the church, and the importance of parents in a child's life. All of this...spawned from the Spike Lee discussion...and he doesn't see Spike's depth. HA!

The Spike Lee Hater, Part 1

2009-02-24T15:32:00.004-06:00

"Spike Lee itches my soul. Tyler Perry itches my soul something awful also" -The Spike Lee Hater

Normally, I wouldn't get up in arms over this. Heck, I try to respect everyone's opinion, no matter how ridiculous it may come off in my head. But this--this statement took the cake on all ridiculous opinions made. It really did.

As if that weren't enough, TSLH* continues with:

"Bamboozled...one of the worst pieces of cinema I've ever sat through. It took about 5 years to stomach through watching it."

I am genuinely outdone. Like--mouth hanging open in complete confusion and perplexity FLOORED! What can any man do to be put in (nearly) the same vein as Tyler Perry?!

Smh,

Ms_Slim

*TSLH- The Spike Lee Hater

Insomniac Ramblings Part 193

2009-02-20T04:57:00.004-06:00

It's 5am right now.

This is my third (and possibly last) time getting up during the night for the day.

Sleeping in quick and very uneven bursts. Clearly Insomnia has made a Comeback. Been in the works for the last several weeks.

Now its feet are planted firmly on my soul for the time being, holding me captive for.....I can't be sure how long. I never am. It rules, not I.

Right now though, I'm packing and preparing for a much-needed weekend vacay from it all. I plan to de-stress, of course. And hopefully kick Insomnia back to where it came from.

On second thought, maybe that last part of what I expect from my weekend getaway is asking too much?

I need my Pillow. Dammit.

Someone Tell Me This Isnt Real...

2009-02-19T22:10:00.003-06:00

I'm having a real hard time with this.

Someone please tell me that this is a photoshopped pic.

PS; I am in no way a "fan" of Chris Brown's music like that at all. I am having a hard time with this because if this pic is the real pic, the abuse is solidified. And my heart will have just broken a little.

Is ALL Art Up For Interpretation?

2009-02-19T10:38:00.005-06:00

Here we go again...smh

Here's the cartoon that was published in the New York Post the other day that's been going around the intrawebs and blogosphere ever since it hit the newsstands.

And as soon as Al Sharpton sees this and interprets what many folk see as a pick at President Obama, folk seem to have gotten up in arms arguing that Sharpton is an opportunist and defending this foolishness saying that its a pick at Congress. Though I can understand both sides, this doesnt excuse the cartoon in the least. Surely enough, the cartoonist knew what he was doing to construct something that could swing "both ways".

Is it real art because it's 'so vague' in what it's really saying? Or is the artist really ignorant to what the age-old monkey/black person stereotype is and the fact that racism is still alive and well to begin with? Is all art up for interpretatioiin? With this, I think not...but that's just my opinion, of course.

Just Some Rambling...

2009-02-16T14:09:00.007-06:00

...bear with me.

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. A lot more than usually. I’ve been ‘absent’, ‘missing’. I disappeared quiet as a church mouse and couldn’t be found by neither Facebook, MySpace, Twitter (don’t have a Twitter and don’t really see a point in getting one; I’m on my anti-Twitter roll right now. I will not cave!), Gmail, any of my emails, phone call, text, or even a house visit. I was just….gone.

And many folk took notice. One even got angry with the act I pulled…even though they were the only ones that actually knew why I decided to dip out on the world for a little over a week in the first place.

Fact is though, I just needed to isolate myself for a little while. Sort through some things by becoming a hermit of sorts, gather myself, and pretty much ‘start anew’ in a sense. I promised myself that I wouldn’t come back from my hiding place until I felt like a ‘new me’ and all the thoughts that have been weighing in on me for quite some time had simmered at least a bit.

And here I am. I’m still a little ‘missing’ but not as explicitly as before. I’m working on it….so work with me.

I can’t say that said thoughts have ‘simmered’ but in taking a new direction with Life, I’ve learned (while in my personal realm) that everything is taken with the ‘one day at a time’ mindset. I can’t do everything at once, but I can continue to live and live I shall do.

To those that have inquired about me, if I haven’t already contacted you or even if you inquired by way of a mutual friend that asked me themselves what the Hell was up with me, thank you for your concern. I am okay. Just been on a whole new level of ‘doing me’ lately. Side note: I have been known to disappear out of the blue if I don’t want to be bothered; this is just the first time that I’ve done it in such a restricted fashion and also the first time I’ve done it for this long. I will check emails a little later.

Continuing on…

Over this time, though, I haven’t stopped writing at all. I’ve written several posts…which shall get posted soon.

I miss one of my friends and they really need to call me soon. Or something.

My Valentine weekend was cool. Went to the movies and out to eat, visited some friends, and witnessed (by way of one of my best friends’ cell phone) a proposal over the span of both Saturday and Sunday. Pretty solid weekend. How was yours?

I’ve also been shopping to my heart’s discontent. Online, in the mall, at strip malls, everywhere. It’s been pretty ridiculous. That’s another blog I’ll share soon though.

The ChRihanna situation has been on my mind as well and I wrote on it. But I won’t be posting that rant. Why? Well because everyone has written on it and no one (nope not even the most popular bloggers of the Free World) know the whole situation. Though I’ve been guilty of it several times, I hate writing about something for which I have extremely little (factual) information on and then having to add a “well this is just based off what I’ve been reading from the media” as a disclaimer. Ugh. However, I will say this (and this does not just go for Chris & Rihanna but for anyone involved in domestic violence…something I know about from personal experience):

Domestic violence is not okay in any form…..if a man hits a woman for no reason, he is a coward and should definitely be punished. The same rule applies to women too, however. I feel like if a woman has the balls to hit a man like she’s a man, she doesn’t get a pass simply because she is a female. (Females can, in fact, hurt a male physically) If she hit him like she wanted to fight, she should be braced for said fight to take place. Period. Also anyone involved in a violent relationship should seek professional help immediately…both parties, not just the abuser.

I’ve been getting emails from unrecognizable gmail accounts. When curiosity kills the cat and I check said email, I find that it’s spam from MySpace. Here is one:

Note: The address that this came from was: JamarKingQW@gmail.com with the Subject Line saying, “You still interested in talking?”

Here is the message:

Hey,
Have not heard from you in awhile. You still single? I am back in the dating game.
I setup a new profile on a new site. If you are still intrested you should look me up
my MSN is jane.abernathy2185@hotmail.com
Hope to hear from you soon

I have not been on MySpace in Lord knows how long. The only reason I signed onto the sight in the past several months was to check my messages and because I didn’t know how to do video blogs in my blog on here. So I’d do them on MySpace and instead of hitting ‘Post’, I’d just copy and paste the blog onto blogger. Now that I know how to do them, I haven’t signed on at all. It’s been way over a week since I learned….

This ‘person’ used an email address that clearly makes it look like this is from a male (by the way: I have no clue who a ‘Jamar King’ is in the first place). Then the body of the email directs me to a whole different email address which leads me to believe that this is from a woman. Hmmm……no thanks. I’m straight. Literally. Figuratively. And definitely sexually.

Did MySpace really have to resort to this? I know they have been losing the battle to Facebook and Twitter but…..sigh…(and yes I know this is from MySpace because Ive gotten several other messages of this exact same format and they say, “…..saw your profile on MySpace” or something to that effect. (my profile is private, by the way). This was just the very last one I’ve gotten in my yahoo inbox.

Anyway, I think I'm coming down with something and I can't stop sneezing. Doesn't feel too hot.

I think that’s it.

For now.

Ms_Slim

When It Hurts...

2009-02-03T23:13:00.005-06:00

When It Hurts....

Avant - When It Hurts (New)
Uploaded by wonderful-life1989

What a night I’m having. Blah.

Anyway…Ahhh…I heard this song for the umpteenth time today on the way home from work and it wasn’t until today that it actually made me think on a grander scale than, “yea…he’s right”.

This song is personal for me for a couple reasons but the most notable—the one I’d share is how the song made me think of my ex.

I make reference to my ex every now and again. You see, my ex and I split a while ago, tried for a year and a half to repair, realized it wouldn’t work and here we are. Apart. All good on my end. On his…..well that isn’t really what’s important lol…

The song, “When It Hurts” is talking about and suggesting giving the definition of love another meaning of sorts. So many people look at their relationship, see how great it’s going and it’s “I’m in love”…then if something unexpected happens and the happiness fades and is replaced with pain, then it’s “forget him/her” and “it’s over”. The song is asking that when things are going bad (when it hurts), you still have that same passion…that same desire for your mate. When it hurts, you’re still there. When it hurts, you don’t cash in the chips so quickly but rather you work on it—work through it—and get through the bad patches together. When it hurts…

But what if it’s hurting all so badly all too often? Is that song still relevant? Is it fair to have a breaking point and put ‘love’ aside and favor personal sanity?

My ex and I went through a lot of things in our relationship. We were together for some years and we ultimately grew up and apart from one another. But what really drove us to stop trying to work things out was the fact that we kept playing our version of “When It Hurts” in our heads throughout the duration of our relationship until it was the only song that could describe what we were.

All intimate relationships have their ups and downs, their smooth roads and rough patches, and the days you love versus the days you…”meh, love”, but if the bad starts to outweigh the good and if that pain mounts itself onto your soul until you see no more blue skies but rather a steam of dark clouds, gray skies, and terrible weather filled with the worst storms days can buy, and “When It Hurts” becomes the prime definition of your relationship rather than, “When In Love”…are you cruel for leaving? Heartless, even?

Everyone deserves their dose of intimate happiness and love shouldn’t hurt more than it feels good.

A Great Day

2009-02-03T15:44:00.004-06:00

Have you ever had one of those awesomely awesome days that had no real reason for being super awesome…it just was? That was my day yesterday. Yesterday was a super good day. Mood stayed good all day long, the weather wasn’t on it’s period and the sun shone for much of the day, even though it’s still cold outside, and everything from beginning to end ran pretty smoothly.

Yesterday was a great day.

Now don’t get me wrong, there were a few things that tried to topple my good day and make my good day waver a bit in its goodness. But yesterday, I let not one thing phase me to the point of risking my sanity. A great day indeed.

I’m not saying that I usually have bad days (because I certainly don’t) but usually if something riles me, while it won’t really affect the inner workings of my day, at the very least, my mood may change a little (even if just for a few seconds) in spite of it all. But yesterday, some things tried to come through and ZZZAAAPP!!! It was like I was immune to it all. I was impressed! And usually if nothing even comes to disrupt my day, it just becomes a regular, mediocre day. I don’t know what made yesterday so special but….yesterday was one of the best days I’ve had in quite some time.

Maybe it was something I ate. That had to be it….

~shrugs~

Just thought I’d share. How is your day going so far?

Ms_Slim

PS; I'd put Ice Cube's "It Was A Good Day" video up..but it seems wildly inappropriate LOL. Click that link if you want to see it though :)

Monday Blog Pimpage...

2009-02-02T12:48:00.003-06:00

Monday Blog Pimpage…

I’ve got nothing but I want to post something. I’m also in a good mood so…here goes: I’ve come across some pretty good blogs lately and I must share. Enjoy:

VerbFashion- Her words are captivating…when she posts lol. In an effort to get her to post a bit more frequently, I’m trying to bring the readers to her. Check her out. She’s dope.

Robin Monique- She changed her site and went from The Confessions of a Skinny Black Girl to…Robin Monique. She’s real and shares it all in an effort to reach the masses and touch and inspire people through her words. Check her out.

Earthquakes for Snowflakes- This girl, Asia Kismet, is an artist in every sense of the word. Her blogs are usually pretty short but they have a way of making you love her style of writing. Or at least pause and think of what she’s written…and then love it, lol. Again, check her out. She’s dope as well.

Music That Moves Me- My homie for life, Stef does music blogs on videos that have had an effect on him in some way. Really good choices; you won't be disappointed.

Okay that’s all I’ve got.

Happy Monday everyone,

Ms_Slim

Bumping in my Speakers...

2009-01-30T13:19:00.006-06:00

Is it just me or did Friday take forever to get here this week? Sheesh! It’s been a long one for me. I’ve had so much going on, been overly busy at work and now that it’s finally Friday, I’m just ready to bolt outta here (the workplace) and start my weekend a few hours early.

Too bad I’ve gotta make a living. Ah well.

Anyway, here are some tracks that have been in heavy rotation. I’ve been on an “oldie” trip as of late (as if that’s news lol).

Enjoy:

Black Sheep – The Choice is Yours

.. ......

This song hasn’t really been in “heavy rotation” but a few weeks ago, it popped in my head for no reason at all and wouldn’t get out for a few days so I said I’d post it in my next BIMS blog. This is also one of my favorite old hip hop songs as well. The flow is tight, the beat is catchy, and although I’m not a fan of the video, I love this song. As usual, daddy introduced it to my brother and I way back in the day when it was poppin. It’s still hot though. And word has it that Black Sheep is still performing this song at small venues, too.

Brandy – I Wanna Be Down

.. ......

Ahh, Brandy…back in the days where (in my opinion) she reigned nearly as heavily as Beyonce is now. I loved her voice and personality at 15 years old. I came upon a performance of hers in ’95 (I think it was Soul Train) on YouTube and she was sooo confident and had a cool edge. I loved that! She had this “I got this” vibe that I really dug. I also loved Sittin Up In My Room as well as U Don’t Know Me (Like You Used To). My cousin and I always made up dances to songs and the videos that did have dances like this one, we watched religiously and learned. I still remember the dance we made up to U Don’t Know Me (Like You Used To). Dopeness! Have You Ever is also a personal favorite and I even wrote a poem with the same title a few years back.

Jazmine Sullivan – After The Hurricane

.. ......

This song, as well as “Fear” are my favorite songs on the whole album. I want her to make a video on these songs and could have done without the Bust Your Windows video I(because I honestly can’t get with that song [and a few others on the album] because of the lyrics alone. The song is about a painful break-up and how it resembles that of a hurricane. You know it’s coming, but even when it comes, you aren’t as prepared as you thought you’d be because you saw it coming all along. But then when it’s all sad and done, you realize that though you
feel hurt, you’ll live. You’ll be okay in time. My favorite lines are the hook
and chorus:

Cause when the tears start flowin' and the wind starts
blowin'

That's how you know it's comin' for you

When the rain start fallin' and you feel the pain comin'

That's how you know it's comin' for you

Just like a hurricane, just like a hurricane,
the way you break everything that comes in your way

Just like a hurricane, Just like a hurricane, the way you broke my heart and
now I'm left with the pain....

After the hurricane....

Aside from that though, I just love Jazmine’s voice, I swear I do. If she ever gets marketed as well as Bey, I swear I’d buy all her stuff and become a ridiculous Stan of hers. I was so shocked to find that she is only 21 years old. I just knew she was some years older than myself. Turns out, she’s some years younger.

Jay Z – Meet The Parents

.. ......

I love Jay-Z (but I’m not a Stan, then again I did get my blog title "Coming of Age" from him, so maybe....; I see you, Ceege lol). I have always loved this song and what makes me love it that much more is the fact that it was free-styled all the way through. I couldn’t believe it at first. It’s so good and it tells a story so accurately. The very last line was a good capper to a great freestyle: “Niggaz be a father/You’re killing your sons”. I feel like every dead beat dad should listen to this song and then think about their actions lol.

Bonus: Kriss-Kross - Jump

I saw someone with a status on facebook quoting this song and I said I'd add it. For kicks. They were so small. And this song started some kinda backwards pants wearing, spider head, car-jumping embracing age for a while after this song hit. I loved it!

RIP the Chris that passed of Leukemia some years back.

.. ......

.. ......

What’s Bumping in Your Speakers???

When Six Aint Enough...

2009-01-30T11:05:00.004-06:00

I can't go.

For some reason, this is bothering my soul.

CLICK HERE FOR ARTICLE I'M REFERENCING

This makes not a lick of sense. Why? Well while I'm all for fertility treatments if a person is unable to have children naturally, some things just shouldnt happen. Period. I understand there's an interview process that goes into deciding whether a (potential) mother is deemed "worthy" of said treatment. Here's why she should have definitely been denied:

1. This ignant lady already has six small children, ages 2 years old to 7 years old. She shouldn't have been granted access to the "fertility goods".

2. She is a single mother. A single mother with six kids. Living at home with her parents. That's violation numero dos.

3. When asked if all of the embryos planted would "take", would she want to get rid of said embryos as to lower the amount of births, she declines. (Keep in mind of the aformentioned housing situation, relationship status, AND....she already got SIX kids....in two-thousand and damn NINE!)

*sigh*

We're in a recession. In this day and age, three small children is an "overshare". These little kids are all miracles, no doubt. I just want--really want--people to be smart about the choices they make---when they are indeed given a choice......as this lady clearly had.

Another issue I have with this is....when it comes to adopting children, there's always this long and drawn out process for "who's fit", "who's able", and etc. The same goes for the fertility doctors as well. They interview, screen, and question relentlessly. They ask the parents personal questions like : income, housing situations, types of jobs held, hobbies--all that! Nothing in my head is making sense as to why this procedure was given the "nod" to be done. Nothing. It makes no sense.

We're in the office talking about it now and one of my coworkers just says, "she most likely wants help for her kids" and that made sense to me. In these cases, these families are broadcasted on talk shows, etc and are always given a "lifetime supply of pampers" and what not. So to that regard, as selfish and ridiculous as it sounds, I can understand the motive...but even still.

I can't go. Ugh. I dont even know why it's bothering me so much this morning. Maybe because it's sooooooooo ridiculous and reeks of the lack of common sense used with ALL parties involved. Either way, I'm glad the little ones made it here safely and all that. Now I just pray that they are properly raised............

Bumpin In My Speakers will be soon,

Ms_Slim

PS; Here's another link posted in the comments by Assertive Wit (Thanks, Syn). Check it out. It gets more ridiculous. *sigh*

MORE NEWS ON THIS HERE

Why Me? Please Stop....

2009-01-28T17:13:00.004-06:00

I’ve been told that I am very attractive my entire life and while I love being pretty and all that jazz, there lies a love/hate relationship for me with my looks. One of the most hated things I have is…being approached….by thee most undesirable men in the history of Life. I freaking hate it!!!

Now some of you can recall my memorable story on the subway where the man was literally fondling his genitalia near me…and using me as his muse. That was way back in the beginning of the Summer 2008. Some of you may also remember the man from the club…that was married…but not in a relationship as well. That was also sometime during the summer. Since then, however, so many things have occurred, I swear I could have my own book based on my stories alone. My life as far as being approached goes is seemingly never-ending and not to complain…but dammit I’m tired!

You see, there’s a reason that I chose not to share such ridiculousness so often on my blog. There’s a few reasons that I don’t talk about why when I go to the club with my homegirls, I tend to stay in one spot, versus venturing off and getting overly social…even after drinks. There’s a reason I sit down at the club at all costs at least a couple times while there instead of standing all 6-feet-2-inches of me (in heels…I am 5-feet-9-inches tall in reality) and dancing like the non-amateur that I am more often than not. There’s a reason that I don’t give my number out but to extremely few. There’s a reason I absolutely hate getting gas for my car, especially at night. There’s a reason why while with the amount of men that come up to me and “spit game” and whathaveyou, I should be something like a dating expert, because the opportunities are definitely there….ten times over. Ugh. But there’s a reason why I when asked, I can say, “date? Yea..I hardly do that”.

And the reason isn’t just because I’m not “on the market” in the first place.... It isn’t just because I’m standoffish as all Hell, making me overly perplexed when I am approached because…I strongly believe that I give off nothing that screams “Talk to Me”…ever. But it is because as I stated above…I’m tired! It is because I get irritated by the fact that my looks seem to give license for certain men (read: thee most undesirable men in the history of Life) the right, the gall, and the balls to act a fool in my direction…for me! And it is because just for a month, preferably a month with 31 days, I’d like to just be one of those overlooked girls. That girl that these ridiculous men don’t see. Ridiculousity breeds through the inner person as well so….that also includes decent looking men that have a tendency to get butt hurt and overly dramatic when “I hurt their feelings” and tell them, “I’m just not that into you". I just wanna be able to go to the grocery store, grab my hot chocolate from StarBucks, get gas, Hell…drive my car on the expressway…in peace. Is that too much to ask?

I think God saw that as a “huge” request because today was just too darn much for me.

I took off work today because I had a court date. You see, on Christmas Eve, I was in a car accident. On Christmas Eve, the weather had thrown another ridiculous fit, making it very hard to tread the road comfortably. This also means that when driving on the road, you had to do about 20 miles under the speed limit because the roads were damned to Hell. Anyway, long story short, a man hit my car because he was speeding at a ridiculous level…and I get a ticket…because unbeknownst to me, my car insurance had expired just a few weeks before the accident. *sigh*

So I was in court to show a proof of insurance. Fine. This wasn’t ridiculous. Standard procedure, I understand.

This is my first time ever having to go to court for anything other than jury duty so everything was new to me and I quickly found out that….my patience level wavers like the tide. I swear it does.

So I’m in a courtroom with about 82 other individuals all waiting for our names to be called so we could spend 25 seconds with the judge, who makes a quick call to either throw our case out…or give us a fine. I get to the courthouse twenty minutes late because I spent twenty five minutes looking for a parking spot in the overly crowded courthouse. Having no luck at all, I give up and park in the Employee Parking Lot and head on inside.

On the way inside, a raggedy, scrangly looking man that reeked of cigarettes, piss, and some liquor my dad used to chug back in ’93 tries to stop me with, “ooh you don’t belong here! What did you do with your fiiiine self? You killed a nigga with your looks, didntcha?!” I heard all of this as I was going in his direction and kept stepping as if he wasn’t even talking to me. When I passed him, he goes, “Oh! I see! You’re too gooood for a nigga like me, aintcha?! *now yelling as I’m a good piece past him now* But you know what? I aint gon let you kill me, Miss Fiiiiiiine. Nope!”

I already had an attitude because I was late and I didn’t know that I would be in the courtroom with 82 other individuals. I thought it was my date alone, so I instantly thought of some unnecessary fine that would be given to me because I was so late. I go through the metal detectors and *BEEP* went the thing my purse went through.

“You have a camera in your purse. You have to go take that to your car and come back inside.”

I completely forgot my camera was in my purse. My camera is ALWAYS in my purse. I tried to reason with the lady in security that I could leave my camera there with an ID….because I really didn’t want to go back outside because it was cold…and also because I didn’t feel like being verbally harassed again by the man outside……….but she refused. So I took my L and shoved the camera in my coat pocket and made my way back to the car. Luckily I pass the man on my way to my car with ease as he was busy talking to some young boy. But on my way back inside, he sees me and goes, “Damn! I just saw a girl that looked just like you go inside not long ago! Are there TWO of yall?!"

Ugh!

There are explicit signs all over the courtroom that say “NO TALKING!!!” and other rules. When I get in the court room, a kind man sees that I am apparently visibly “new” and directs me to the check-in post and all that. When I am finally able to sit down, I take a seat and wait (im)patiently for my name to be called. At some point, everyone gets briefly kicked out of the courtroom because some buffoon wouldn’t stop talking which resulted in a full-fledged argument between him and another man and then them and the judge. When we are all allowed back inside, I instantly notice the idiot who issued me a citation (he’s an idiot because he incorrectly reported the accident and didn’t give the other driver a citation as well) and he is sitting with the other cops. Watching me.

When my name is finally called and the judge reads off what the cop reported as a reason for my citation, I shoot the cop a look and say, “that is incorrect, sir. I am here to prove insurance. Here you go” and show the bailiff my insurance papers, dart my eyes in the idiots direction, and look at the judge. I really didn’t feel like spending time trying to analyze the incident, when when it’s all said and done, I just needed to show my insurance papers. However, when I receive my fine (ugh!), and head towards the exit, I make sure that I give the idiot a mean side eye.

When I get just feet from Freedom (the exit to the courthouse), lo and behold…the idiot that issued me the citation comes upon me.

“Hey! I’m sorry you got fined. So, um…where ya headed?”

Already annoyed, I just give him a look…and keep walking.

“That’s what we’re on?”

Now I respond, “What? I mean what do you want? You incorrectly reported the accident, only gave ME a ticket, which result in me being here all day long just to show the judge my insurance papers that end up getting me a fine anyway. What do you want? Matter of fact….save it. I’m late for where I have to be”. And keep walking. The nerve of this guy!!!

I get to my car and leave the courthouse and I notice that…….I’m being followed.

“Um…is this nigga FOLLOWING ME?!” I said to myself. Out loud. I make a turn into some neighborhood I no longer recognize and the follower pulls up next to me.

It’s a stranger. “Hey. I’m sorry. I saw you leave the courthouse and couldn’t just go without saying something. You are….so pretty. So beautiful. So…”

“Well thank you very much” I say as I lighten my mood up a bit.

“What’s your name?”

“Mal—“ (I said the whole name)

He reiterates how pretty he thinks I am and asks how old I am. He is 28 and doesn’t care about the five year difference as long as I don’t. I don’t care about the difference either…but I wasn’t interested, so I politely say, “no thank you. Thanks so much for the compliment though” and try to roll my window back up. It’s cold in Chi!

“But, mami (he’s Latino), you’re SO pretty. I mean…please? Come on. Just—please?!” He pleaded two more times before I thanked him and rolled my window up in the middle of his adoration and kept it moving. Pleading? Really? Yea…I don’t do well with beggers. I wasn’t interested and pleading made it that much worse.

I’m aware that reckless behavior and situations happen to ALL people…but they happen to me way too often and I am sick of it. Today was a solid day….but I could have done without the undesirable male rigmarole. Don’t they know that I’m hella particular...(not to mention, not available)? Sheesh!

"Gwen"

2009-01-26T15:37:00.004-06:00

Last night, I was watching a movie on Lifetime (don’t start; Lifetime is what’s up….sometimes) about a “woman” that was brutally beaten to death. It was a pretty interesting movie and I’m not sure whether or not it was a true story.

The movie, whose title I completely forgot at this point, was centered around uncovering what had happened to the “woman” and why she was beaten so brutally.

The “woman” was a transsexual who was born a perfectly healthy male. Throughout his entire upbringing, he said that he never felt right in his “male skin”—that he always felt like he was placed in the wrong body. I’ve seen several talk shows and stories about cases like this but it wasn’t until I saw this movie that I actually understood it.

In the movie, a therapist of the then-male teenager had told the boy’s mother that they believed that something psychological had happened to him while he was still in his mother’s womb. That he was technically a male but while being “created” in the womb, female traits/personality/etc were all stored in his male body. So while he looked like a male, in his mind, he was really female. That revelation weirded me out, to say the least.

But when it was broken down like that, it made more sense to me. Despite the many talk shows and stories I’ve read and watched, I’ve always had an inner judgmental eye for transsexuals that said, “yea…you’re a freak”. I’m not one that cares what a person does in their personal life, so bisexuals, homosexuals, and transsexuals never phased me too much. It’s what they are and has nothing to do with me and my life whatsoever. In fact, one of my best friends is a lesbian. However, even with all of that, in my mind, I still didn’t excuse transsexuals from being extremely different and yes…weird. But as stated, that psychological explanation hushed up those judgmental thoughts completely.

But back to the movie. The mother of the child always knew something was different about her son and even said that she felt a change go on within him while she was still pregnant with him (which I personally didn’t believe but then again—who am I? I’ve never had any children but as they say—“a mother knows”—shrugs). As he grew older, he began experimenting with makeup and jewelry and soon began wearing it regularly. He was taunted and ridiculed, no doubt, but his mother began to accept him and when he changed his name to “Gwen”, she called him by the name he chose. She was very cooperative and understanding and I think that’s all “she” really desired in the first place.

After a few years, “Gwen” had become a full-fledged woman on the outside. “She” began dressing as such, living her life as such, and even had a boyfriend, to which case problems definitely arose.......because “she” had never told him of her situation.

There were men that were curious though. “Gwen” had big feet, hands, and very strong features. One of the men even remembered “Gwen” from high school…….when she was still a he. It dawned on them that “Gwen” could have possibly been a “he” as “she” had never had sex—only oral. For them, all of the pieces fit…and they were going to do something about it.

Needless to say, “Gwen” was beaten to death for being a “freak”. “She” was beaten for five hours, hung, and buried by men “she” knew and had befriended.

Sad indeed.

Questions:

1. Do you think that “Gwen” deserved the beating?

2. What about marriage? There are people that decide to wait til marriage to have sex. My granny says that “the waters should be tested before jumping in the pool” and to that degree—I concur! But what do you think?

3. What would you do if you ever found that your mate was a transsexual? Personally, I’d do a looot of fighting. I’m not a confrontational person in the least….but that? That warrants it.

But how about you guys?

Symbols Say A Thousand Words...

2009-01-25T14:19:00.002-06:00

I've got one tattoo. It's pretty small and it is a Japanese symbol of "Love".There's a bit of a backstory and a lot of symbolism that goes into why I chose "Love" as my tattoo and why it's located on my right shoulder/upper back....but Iwon't get into that...

So today I'm looking over images for my next tat. I don't plan to actually get such tat until around the summer time (when my money should be less comical than it is now), but I like to look at possibilities every now and then. I'm perusing some Japanese symbols and fall upon this image:

Needless to say, it means, "I Love You". Unlike American culture, the Japanese have symbols that represent full sentences, rather than just one word. I thought this image was pretty ironic, no?