28 May 2008

Thoughts Provoking

There are many sides of me. As described in my first blog, I can sometimes be somewhat of a walking contradiction. I am not a simply figured out person nor am I overly complex (at least I don’t think that I’m overly complex, lol). And of all of my personality traits, one thing is most definitely for sure and that is…..I am a HUGE overthinker.

Now there are people who overanalyze and there are people who overanalyze to a fault. I admit that I definitely fall into the latter category. It’s ridiculous.

Lately my mind has been boggled and clouded and it’s all because I’ve been thinking my head off. I’m actually surprised that I have the space in my head to sit and write anything at all that isn’t a story that has happened to me. It’s that serious. My mind is a crazy place to be at times. And right now just happens to be one of those times.

Speaking to a close friend about the things that have been sitting in my dome for a few weeks, I have learned that I not only overanalyze, but I overanalyze about how I overanalyze. Isn’t that a blip? And he’s right! I’ll sit and think and get upset that I’m thinking so damn hard and go off on a whole ‘nother tangent in my mind about how I should stop thinking.

Ah……apparently getting myself to stop thinking is a whole ‘nother process in and of itself entirely. It’s a mess.

I’m a pretty all or nothing type of person. If I decide to stop doing something, there’s no “weaning period”. I’m either going to stop doing it or I’m not. Period. This is how I’ve always been and it hasn’t changed. However, when it comes to my thought process itself, it’s a mess and more often than not, I can’t get it together.

I can easily blame this on my genetic makeup and say that my over analytical nature is just a major part of my personality but….I can’t really accept that degree of normalcy. Furthermore, I can’t really accept that in general because when I’m in my “intense thinking mode” (which has been happening more often than not lately), I’m not entirely in love with myself. I don’t like how I am when I convert to Compulsive Thinker Mode…AT ALL.

So I have decided that I will try very hard to not overanalyze, not overthink, and not potentially damage my brain cells because of this intense and ridiculous thinking.

We’ll see how it goes though. Hopefully, I can get my groove back. And soon!

Til Next Time,


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