31 December 2008

'08 in Review

’08 in Review:

I don’t know anyone that’s as excited fo the upcoming new year as I am. 2008 has been a trip to say the absolute least. At the beginning of ’08, I had set three distinct resolutions: to save, to gain at least ten pounds, and to finish more of my novel, a manuscript that has literally been null since the end of 2007.

And guess what? I have only “completed” one of those resolutions. I’ve been saving more.

My weight has always been on the flip floppy side, never outrageous in scale but never consistent either, so that ten pounds? Negative. I gained about five then lost it then gained three back then lost four, then gained two then lost one then gained three and then lost one. Whew. So basically I aint made no kinda progress in that area. Whatever. At this point, I have convinced myself that I’ll be a Ms_Slim until I become pregnant…which won’t be anytime too soon, if I can help it…

I still haven’t touched my manuscript. I’m pretty disappointed in myself for that too.*

With all of this though, I have drawn a new conclusion for the upcoming year. While I have big plans in store for myself for ’09, I am not making any resolutions. After several years of really setting goals at the beginning of a year only to find a third of the way through the year that shyt has shifted, I’ve learned my lesson. I’ve got my plans and my goals and all that….and I’ll just work on achieving them. If they don’t get achieved, oh I will feel some kinda way about it, but I’ll rest better knowing that I didn’t inadvertently dig my own grave by speaking on it too soon, dig?

But that’s ’09. Let’s get back to ’08 and the Review…

Talk about an up and down kinda year!!! Whew!

2008 has got to be the worst year I’ve had in quite some time. While there were some “highs” in my life such as early graduation, my graduation ceremony, and having the luxury of having a job in my field of interest straight out of college, there were a bundle of “lows”. I’m not even remotely interested in telling all of my business but I’ll just say this: I’ve been through it. Period.

In a nutshell:

I’ve learned a TON about myself. I’ve learned so much that I thought my body would explode from all that I’ve taken in this year. Eye-opener moments came flooding…and so did tears….of both happiness and sadness.

I lost two friends from my high school graduating class. The most recent was last week and marked as the city of Chicago’s 500th murder for the year. Both friends were murdered due to gang violence (they were not in gangs, however) and Chicago’s crime rate has been the worst since 2003. This is actually the third friend that was murdered in the last year and a half. The other was murdered on my birthday in 2007.

Anthony Herring, aka Tony Logic

Dec. 8th, 1985-March 9th, 2008

Kermit Delashment, aka Big Kerm

May 2nd, 1987 - Dec. 22nd, 2008

I’ve had a ridiculous love life to say the least...

I voluntarily moved from my parents’ house. (That’s actually a “high” but it was still a transition; a small one)

I’ve deleted a gang of people from my life. Trust, it was all very necessary.

I got into my very first car accident. And it wasn’t my fault. But tell me why I’m paying for the damages out of my own pocket? SMH

My outlook on Life has changed so much I am sometimes afraid to think of it, because it scares me when I do…

That’s where I’ll leave that list. ’09 will be sooo much better. I just know it. For starters, my president is being inaugurated. I won’t be going to the Inauguration as I planned to but I’ll be front row center in front of a television nearby. I can’t wait!

Like I said, I don’t want to speak too much of my plans for the new year for fear of jinxing them. But I do plan to be happy. I expect to find a balance next year as 2008 was definitely an adjustment to the Real World for me. 2008 was my acknowledgment year, while ’09 will be my acceptance year. I have acknowledged the changes needed within me and around me. I have taken note from the most important people in my life just what I need to focus on and delete from my Life and next year, I will make those very necessary strides to change those things. In 2008, I did a lot of changing. I cut my hair three times as a symbol of my changing as well. I stretched. I grew. I explored things in a depth I never have before. And now in ’09, it’s time to step out of Adjustment/Acknowledgment mode and take it in a higher gear to Acceptance/Action mode. I’m ready.

What do you expect to find in ’09?

Happy New Year, Everyone. Be Safe Celebrating,


*- However, on the bright side of that, I have been delving into a different type of writing. A more subliminal kind of prose, if you will. I posted a few of these types of pieces on my MySpace page and may bring one of them to this site. I have to know who all ‘gets’ what I’m trying to convey…

29 December 2008

Bumping in my Speakers...

I realize I've been MIA for a week, and there's a reason for it. I don't feel like getting into it in this blog. Just know that I've been dealing with a lot of harsh things lately. I'll blog on it soon.

I intended to post this blog last week sometime. Here it is:

Bumping In My Speakers…

.. -Common – Announcement

(Digging the choreography; I'm gonna learn this just cause lol)

Okay, whoever says that Common's latest album (UMC "Universal Mind Control") sucks sucks. Period. His album, though it isn't as good as his earlier works like "Like Water For Chocolate" or even "Finding Forever", it is a good album. In Announcement, when he says, "from the Southside….." I screamed and turned my radio waaaaaaaaaaaaaay up when I heard it in my car a few days ago, like on some strong south side (south 'burbs included, lol) pride shyt. This song wasn't merely bumping in my speakers. It was BLASTING. I laughed when he said, "cause when it comes to Hip Hop, it's just me and my bytch" LOL He referenced "I Used to Love H.E.R". My favorite line is, "I'll probably go to jail, but naw, that ain't me./I style cra-zy/And rock like Jay-Z". lol

His only downfall? He's only got ten tracks on this album. Just like I was disappointed with Erykah Badu for only having ten tracks on her latest album not, including the bonus track, even though it took me a while to get into her latest work, Common should have given us at least three more tracks.

.. -Christina Aguilera – Genie In A Bottle

Click Here to see the Vid; The Coding is Blocked

This was Christina's very first single. It came up on my ipod one day last week and I loved it all over again. I have always loved Christina's voice. She's so full of soul, passion, and a "blackness" very few um…non-Black artists have. Amy Winehouse has it as does Pink…but I think that the old Christina Aguilera takes the cake on both of them. Dirty was also a song that I loved of hers as well and in high school, my varsity dance team used a portion of Dirty for our competition dance……which was super dope, by the way.

.. - Common – Inhale

(I want a jacket like this!!!)

Man, seriously. UMC goes hard…again, not as hard as the previous works, but hard nonetheless. He's Common, for crying out loud!!! We shouldn't expect anything but greatness from my man :) . Inhale is a song that completely blows me away. From the beat to the lyrics to the entire vibe of the song….it's perfect. Absolutely perfect.

.. - Brandy – Departed

Click Here; The Video Coding is Blocked :(

Her album dropped the same day as Common's but I haven't gotten her album yet. However, I do love this song. I've always loved Brandy….all the way from the "I Wanna Be Down" and "Best Friend" days. Through the surge of "new talent" such as Rihanna, Janelle Monae, and even Jazmine Sullivan, Brandy has continued to hold her own in the music industry. Just when we may think that the old days of Brandy dropping albums (as spread out as they may be) were gone, she refuses to fizzle and be a part of "the past". I love that about her. This song goes hard as well.

Ledisi – Best Friend

I love this song. I love the soul in her voice. I love the melody. I love the lyrics. I love the entire feel of the song. Can anyone relate to it?

*I didnt find a video for it; BOOOO!!!*

Eminem – Lose Yourself

When I first did this blog, I had seen 8 Mile on TNT the weekend before about 3 times and that song got in my head. Heavily. It's also pretty darn inspirational as far as songs go. And even though he is controversial as all get out lyric-wise, I miss him in the game. He had/has a rawness to his sound that I really like. And besides, if it weren't for him, who would have thought up the word, "Stan" to describe a ridiculously brainwashed and over-hyper fan? Thanks, Em…now get back to the studio!

What's Bumping in Your Speakers?

22 December 2008

Christmas Schristmas


Christmas is but three days away and I can’t for the life of me get in the spirit of things. Still. It’s not that I don’t want to be joyous for this occasion (who doesn’t want to be happy? Lol), it’s just that I’m not in all that good a mood for it, I guess. It could be because as far as gift-giving goes, I’m not participating…at least til after Christmas. Why? Well because we’re in a recession…and I’m one of the kajillion folks that have been hit hardest….sorta. Point blank, I’ve just got higher priorities on my plate than buying gifts for the sake of tradition this year. I’ll be different and take care of it after Christmas though. New Years Gifts is what I’m on this year…

Another reason I’m not in the spirit of the holidays this season is because I am anxiously waiting for ’09 to get here. This year has kicked me all over the darn place, in every which way. I’m really ready to bring about my own personal major changes in ’09. I’m super focused. I’m so focused on the arrival of ’09 that I can’t put my mind in a place to think of right now. The number 9 is also a number that represents the most power and “Change”. It’s an astrological fact and in ’09, other than Obama being the first Black president being sworn in and all of the anticipated changes that come with that, I’ve also got several changes of my own to uncover. I’m pretty excited about it all.

Back to Christmas ‘08…

I asked everyone to not get me anything for Christmas and I told everyone way back in September that I wasn’t going to Christmas shop this year. I really don’t expect anything (but I’m sure I’ll get something anyway. Folk don’t like to follow directions lol) and I really don’t want to feel bad about receiving while I most certainly wont be giving this year (because I really am unable to).

However, this is a “If I Were Playing Christmas This Year” Christmas List. (I’d most likely be getting these things myself, but it’s good to have dreams, isn’t it?)

1. I've seriously got the most black coats of anyone I know. What can I say though? I love this coat! I want a brown one just like this one as well. The first (official) day of Winter was yesterday....so does this make me late in my Winter shopping? Technically, yes....as snow has been here (and it's been coooold in the D [only like one person will get that]) for about a month now, but whatever. Winter is THEE longest season out here. I'm not late :)


Forget what you heard. These boots go hella hard. They may be 3 (or 4) inches high and I
may be 6-feet-1-inch tall, but that matters not. I'm always wearing heels anyway, so it's nothing. These NEED to be in my closet. Soon....before winter's end lol


Yes, yes, y'all. A bedroom set. I'd really like a King size but I'll settle for a Queen. In due time, in due time. *sighs happily*


Over the weekend, I noticed that one of my homies has this exact wine/alcohol rack in his house. I feel in love with the rack. Not because it had THEE best drinks in all of the land, but because of the craftsmanship of the rack. Imagine my joy when I found the exact one online! It's not cheap by any means. I WILL have this rack. Bet your bottom dollar!


Oh this pic is absolutely horrible. But the boots? Oh the boots! If you can't see it too clearly, the boots are all dark brown with light brown sides and about a three inch heel. Yea.....these will find their way to my home real soon. Real soon...

I’m really not one at all that needs anything. (I am terribly spoiled lol but as far as needing anything…negative). I just like stuff.

17 December 2008

Love Song 1

Okay. Below is the poem I promised. NOTE: I so rarely show my poems to the masses it's ridiculous. Anyway, I wrote this about a year and a half ago. The inspiration revolving this is pretty obvious...but the story is too long to share. Enjoy.

Love Song 1

Risqué romance

Picture perfect places

Rambunctious ramblings

Flawless faces

Awesome accidents

Totally tricked

Amazing atrocity

Bubbling beauty

Hidden hindrances

Silence spoken

Helping hands

Long-distance loving

Ferocious flame

Cautious creeping

Fictitious frame

Raging red

Sidestep songs

Factual feelings

Softening sonnets

Passionate passion

Bouncing beats

Rhythmic rhymes

Breath-taking breaths

Instrumental interlude

Interconnected. Intertwined.

16 December 2008

Bitter Sweet Law

This week is clearly an Art Appreciation Week for me.

I saw this a super long time ago and I was actually pleasantly surprised. Though I find Kanye to be a very talented artist, I wouldn't say that he's the best lyricist or rapper (even though I really do love Ye from the top of his head to the end of his pinky toe). He's an artist, an entertainer, a rapper. And even though rapping can arguably be considered poetry, I really didn't see Mister West as a poet. It wasn't until I saw this clip that I entertained the idea, "hmmm….maybe Ye can do this whole poetry thing…."

Enjoy, folks.

Kanye West – Bitter Sweet

In the same evening of YouTubing, I saw this clip of Common's work. I LOVE this piece. I mean as much as I love Common's stuff musically, I strongly believe that even if he wasn't a rapper, had a name of himself an all of that, even if he was just a regla' Joe Schmo getting up to the mic on Def Poetry Jam spitting this SAME piece, I'd still swoon and say, "Move over, Serena. That's my hubby right there!!!"

I think part of the reason I love Common so much (besides his physique which is complimented by the most beautiful almond eyes, and…..) is because he is truly a genius in my eyes. He is super intelligent. I am in love with intelligence. His use of metaphors in his work is just pure genius. He is still pretty slept on in my eyes, but I guess it's true what they say, "ain't nobody interested in learning, but the teacher" –Sister Act 2, lol

Take a listen.

Common - Letter To The Law

I love my Chi-Brethen. *swoons*

15 December 2008

Find Your Passion...And Run With It...

Last Friday, I read a blog from one of my favorite people, OMG, and it got me to thinking of my own passion I have for all art forms. This piece, however, is old. I wrote it during my Junior year of Undergrad for my school paper for which I was Opinions Editor for two years. Enjoy. Aside from the picture, I have not edited this for the blog.

Find Your Passion…and Run With It…

Before I begin this piece, I’d first like to say that this piece actually gave me a mild case of Writer’s Block! I was literally blocked for about four or five hours. I knew what I wanted to write and exactly how I wanted it to sound. However, the connections between my paper for which I collect, my pen for which I write, and my brain for which I think just wasn’t clicking properly. I hate this feeling I get from time to time and to clear my head I attended the Open Mic Night, had a few laughs, and a nice mellow time. When I returned to the blank notepad, my head was clear, my thoughts were concise, and the connections between my paper, pen, and brain were finally ready to take on what I was trying to construct all along:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I’ve been thinking a lot about life, direction, relationships, faith, and family. And since a lot of these topics are rather broad, I decided to limit my focus to something more relative—individual happiness!

Individual happiness can be measured in a multitude of variations. An individual’s happiness isn’t exactly a goal, a life dream, or even an unrealistic fantasy. Instead it is the simplest gift or talent deep within a person that, no matter what, gives them the most passion, the most joy. And with this said, it is the reason that…I write.

I’ve been writing for an insanely long time. I think a friend of mine and I enrolled ourselves in our first real poetry contest when we were in fourth grade. I came in second place for the Best Original Poem while she placed first for the Best Poem by a Published Author.

Now these were the good old days of the ‘90s when the Chicken Noodle Soup for the Soul were literally ranked with nowadays’ “Addicted” and “The Coldest Winter Ever”. The Chicken Noodle Soup books were so positively inspiring, giving real-life stories and poetry on the most common subjects of daily life. I read those books religiously and that’s when I found my passion.

Writing for me is an escape. It takes me to a different place, puts me in a different scene, and forces me to look at life in an entirely different way. When I am writing, everything around me becomes a piece of insignificant scenery while the words, rhymes, or stories that I am presently writing are the characters—the actors to this theatrical image I paint. And as in a movie, my words are the stars while the real life around me are merely the stand-ins—people to just fill space in a scene. The reason for this is because sometimes I truly feel voiceless, so, in turn, I write. I write about everything and I even have a tendency to get political and philosophical when the need arises. Throughout the years, writing has undoubtedly strengthened my character and outlook on life. I feel if I could put it to the pen and write it, then I can achieve anything that life throws my way.

So over the years, I have written countless numbers of poems, essays, short stories, and journal entries including my childhood crush, my first boyfriend, my first fight, the first time I thought I was in love, the first time I was actually in love, and a wide array of other things like, my own definition of love at age 13. And surprisingly so, I have actually managed to keep up with a lot of my work.

But what do I plan to do with my writing—my inhibited passion that I discovered at such a very young age? With my gift, I plan to inspire others. I am not a Journalism major for the simple fact that I am multi-talented and creative and plan to use my gift in another direction—advertising to become a copy writer and one day elevate myself to an independent publisher. I am highly influenced by my all-time favorite writers including Langston Hughes, Maya Angelou, Emily Dickinson, and even Mike Jones (not the rapper, a student that attended QU from 2004-2006). These people have made such a great impact on my writing that I still look up to Mike Jones to critique and offer insight onto my pieces so that I can be even better at my hidden craft. In turn, I also help others with their writing, knowingly or otherwise. I feel a sense of worth, value, and necessity as I have somehow become an unofficial “public figure” of admiration. This is what I love most—more than anything in the world—the gift God has given me—the hidden gift—WRITING.

So what’s the point of this tale? The point is that you find your niche—your drive—what inspires you and what you can’t see yourself being without—and embrace it. Use this passion God had given you—no matter what it is—and turn it into a noteworthy element—something that not only you love and have noticed in yourself—but what others have noticed and have grown to love in you as well. Find your passion…and run with it….

11 December 2008

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Don’t you hate it when someone lies for absolutely no reason? A combination of little white lies on top of a huge lie which form even huger lies. The person lies about incredibly stupid things like what they ate for breakfast, what the weather is like, or even how many siblings they have. Liars.

Introducing lies. Lies that are told for the sake of conversation. These lies are useless either way—whether told or not, the person being told the outlandish lie really didn’t even need to know said lie in the first place. It would have made no difference either way. You got a brand new car? Great! I’m happy for you. However, if I when I see you and you’re still riding around in your ’97 Ford Taurus and I never see this “new whip”, you’ve earned a permanent side eye. Believe it.

I absolutely hate liars.

Now don’t get me wrong, we’ve all lied before. There isn’t one person that could say “I’ve never ever told a lie” because that in itself would be a lie. Right now, I’m pitifully and painfully financially broke right now and I don’t like to accept money from anyone even when I really, really need it. I’ve got pride like that. So nine times out of ten, if someone offers me money for gas or whatever, I usually decline it: “Oh I’m fine. I’ll be okay”. I know I’m lying. Family and friends that are doing the offering know I’m lying but they also know that I’m being immature and letting my pride get in the way. As a result, I’m given a pass and they slip the money in my coat pocket when I’m not looking anyway. No harm no foul.

White lies, minor slips to save face…things of that nature are all pretty common…if done in moderation. My problem, however, lies with pathological liars.

Pathological liars can’t seem to stop lying. It’s actually to the point that they are such smooth liars that they even go as far as to not only seem to not be able to stop this foolish and ridiculous lying, but also begin to believe their own lies. They’ll even contest you on some “why the Hell are you lying” shyt when confronted. Ugh!

I have this theory. It may even be true and I might have even read it somewhere in one of my psychology textbooks while in Undergrad. I don’t remember if I read it, but it is a possibility (since it seems to make so much sense in my head):

Pathological liars have a psychological problem. For these insane in the membrane © Cypress Hill lookin ass liars, I firmly believe that something happened in this liar’s childhood to make them want to block out the truth so often to the point of complete and utter ridiculousness. Something happened to these people to where reality is just not what’s really good in their lives. Ever. Furthermore, they don’t lie for sole entertainment like some of us do. They don’t lie for the reasons we do or have. They lie and not realize it. It’s like they have literally placed themselves in some sort of alternate universe of sorts. A universe where they control the distinction between truth and reality. However, since they hate reality so much, their own reality is even a lie…and they don’t really realize it. It’s all subconsciously done at this point.

These liars need to stay far-the Hell-away from me. I can’t associate myself with anyone who isn’t in this life here with me, ya know. Someone who just “doesn’t get it”. Someone who flips a switch in their heads (unbeknownst to them) on what’s fake or real. And what’s worse is…I can’t even really be too angry at these people. Why? Because in my mind, there has to be some kind of psychological explanation. It’s like a type of insanity charge or something. They can’t even really take a lie detector test because since they lie so subconsciously, they can trick the machines and not even know it. Insane, much?

All I can do is pray. And hope that these people can stop their lying. I hope that the Devil removes himself from these people and God takes over their being again. No one loves a liar. No one.

Pinocchio Denouncer,


09 December 2008

December 8th on the 9th

Current Mood: Sick as Hell

Please bear with me for I am bout to die soon. Pray for me, y’all.

So yesterday had me feeling particularly down. You see, a friend of mine from high school passed away (shot in the jaw, which triggered an infection, which resulted in his demise) last March and his birthday was yesterday. He would have turned 23 years old. Towards the end of my work shift, it had also dawned on me that it was also the same day that my grandfather passed away five years ago. For those not in the know, I was very close to my granddaddy. He was literally like my 2nd dad. When the true significance of yesterday really sank in, I was down for the remainder of the day/evening. One of my aunts also had a quadruple bypass about a week and a half ago and a few days ago, she had a slight heart attack and yesterday, the doctors say that three of her arteries are still 90% clogged so she's getting a triple bypass today. Oy. And on top of everything else, Aunt Sally* decided to show up in all her bytchy glory and for no reason at all, decided to kick me harder than she ever has square in my uterus.

(Anthony Herring, stage name: Tony Logic, RIP)

Note: I've got no uploaded pictures of my Granddaddy though. I'll try to change that once I am ever near a scanner.

So here I was, feeling down since Friday and just when I think I am getting better, the date December 8th holds a significant connotation for two very important reasons, I'm worried about my aunt, and then my least favorite aunt comes to town to pick a fight yet again (which she wins, with my punk ass, smh) to make sure that I not only get down, but stay down. Literally. Isn’t life grand?

But all of this had me reeling, both literally and figuratively. Many hours after yesterday’s blog was posted, I began to feel a bit too exposed. I have an issue with vulnerability and I am very reserved, hence why I updated the blog a bit. I just felt incredibly uncomfortable sharing so much of myself at once like that. Judging from the view count, however, it looks as though everyone has already seen it. That’s okay, I suppose. It was just bothering me to leave it up as it was.

I’m at work right now as we speak, holding the tummy and all. Ugh. I really need to lie down but I can’t. Why? Because my company is getting new office furniture on Friday and the genius that the owners are decided to schedule the Salvation Army to come and take the old furniture today. Three whole days before the new stuff comes in. Soooo this means that there is no real place to do anything. And my computer is now sitting on top of some foldable trays. Thanks, guys.

But why am I here? That’s a good question. Well other than to do my job and also help with this furniture situation, I have no more sick, personal, or vacation days left this year. I used all my sick days in the beginning of the year when I got sick an unusual amount of times. Plus! Next week is the last week of work until January 5th. I figure there’s no need to call off for a little tummy ache, no matter how much I feel like a battered step child left for dead (exaggerating….but I am in pain, make no mistake about it).

Everyone have a good Tuesday. I’m gonna go make some tea, take a couple Aleve, pray a plea, and patiently wait til the clock strikes 5.

Be well….


*Aunt Sally = Aunt Flo....think about it.

08 December 2008

From the Inside Out

How was everyone’s weekend? As you may have guessed, my Friday started out pretty “blah” and despite going out with some homies that night, Saturday wasn’t all that great either. I was down for the most part and on top of everything else, I had the biggest headache known to man that literally lasted well into yesterday afternoon. Woa is me. But all in all, on a scale of 1 to 10, I give my weekend a 7. Why? Because I got a chance to get caught up on some much needed sleep.

I can’t even begin to describe how badly my sleep patterns have gotten over the past month. As I stated in an earlier blog, I have always had trouble sleeping, whether it’s getting to sleep or staying asleep throughout the night—for as long as I can remember. But sometimes the severity is worse than other times. This weekend though, I got over 20 hours of sleep between Friday and Sunday nights. I’m pretty pleased.

Because I was in so much pain on Friday, another portion of my weekend was spent doing a lot of thinking. When something that is extremely important to me begins to not work in my favor and I’m “in my emotions”, I begin to overanalyze everything worse than I normally would. I start looking deeper within myself and exposing my own truths in order to find a balance of sorts.

I am still working on me. Personally, I don’t think the job will ever be done though. I’ll always be Under Construction….

Happy Monday, All,


05 December 2008

When It Hurts So Bad

On my way to work today, I popped in my homegirl and let her words fill up all of my speakers throughout my car. When this song came on though, I almost pulled over to the curb once I got off the expressway and let it all out. But I didn't.

Lauryn Hill - When It Hurts So Bad

I swear I miss L. Boogie in the music game. Even though she just dropped one real album, her music has touched soooooo many people; it is unreal. I am convinced that she is the perfect artist. How awesome is it that a person's first (and apparently only) attempt at something that involves mass response turns into such a success and captivates such a huge audience on such a real level? How awesome is that? Lauryn Hill is the epitome of greatness.

This song is so beautiful and it's how I feel right now. At this exact moment. I know a lot of my blogs are not really too personal (I am, after all, a very private and reserved individual) and even on my MySpace joint when I talked about my down periods from time to time, I never fully described the pain. But the pain is real and the pain is constant. And just when I thought it was over, turns out, I am still in pain.

Michael Jordan said that "pain is weakness leaving the body". If that's true, then that means that I am super strong, right? If that's true, I should be like a superhero at this point, right?. But I don't feel so super. I don't feel so strong. I don't feel so great. I just feel this pain. And it hurts and I feel weak.

But don't anyone fret over me. I will be fine soon. Everyone have a great weekend.

No Salutation,


04 December 2008

Winter Wonkyland

Singing off-key like T-Baby, with my own little spin to it:

It’s so cooooold in the C…

It’s cold as a polar bear’s toenails here in Chicago. There’s just some sun and not as much wind that throws it off to make it look like a “good day” when in reality, we’re freezing something awful.

I hate winter.

I’ve blogged on this before. As a matter of fact, it seems as though every winter, I have a “Winter Hate” blog posted at some point. Last winter was THEE worst winter Chicago had seen since 1984…seriously. And this winter just doesn’t look like it’s going to be any better than last.

This past Monday was the first real snowfall here. And boy, did it fall. It fell so much and so thick, you’d have thought that it had been snowing for quite some time this year. Not so. It’s just the only one this year to actually stick. The official sign of Winter, no?

Now correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t winter supposed to “officially start” somewhere in the middle of December? I always thought so. Chicago is an area of four seasons and each season is supposed to last three whole months…supposedly. Spring starts March 21. Summer starts June 21st. Fall starts Sept. 21……..and as my calculations come out, Winter ain’t supposed to be here til…..December 21st. It came 20 days earlier this year. And I have a problem with that. A big problem.

I want to move.

I get in these moods every winter and every winter, I am reminded of the very real possibility that I may have S.A.D.*. You see, not only do I despise winter and everything about it, sans the holiday season, but my moods have a greater chance of changing and dropping…and staying “low” until Winter’s end. I’m more irritable, annoyed, and things tend to frustrate me a bit more easily. I am a very standoffish person most times and during the winter, it’s even worse.

So…I need to move.

Obviously a warm climate is better for me. But know what’s funny in this whole thing? I’ve lived in Chicago for about 98% of my life. You’d really think I was used to this winter nonsense by now, right? Wrong. Something in me just can’t get used to it and adapt as well as other folk. It’s crazy.

But just like everything else I go through or encounter, I analyzed this little factoid about myself to the very core. You see, I was born in Atlanta, Georgia. My mom had been living in Atlanta for about a year and a half before she became pregnant with me and since I was born in September (but was supposed to arrive in October), I figure the conception time and all that was around February…which furthermore means that while I was roasting in Atlanta and awaiting for my debut, the weather was awesome….for the most part. The last trimester (which is particularly important, by the way), was also encompassed by the warmth of summer. Furthermore, Atlanta doesn’t get much snow and they don’t really get “all four seasons” either. It’s a relatively warm area with colder temperatures during their “winter time” but nothing drastic at all. Nothing like how Chicago can get.

I think I formed to not be able to adapt to winter well before I hit this whole “Life” scene. It was in the cards all along. It all makes sense now.

On the flipside, I love Chicago. I’ve got Chi-Pride from here to Timbuktu. The best summers are in Chicago (Summertime Chi). There’s noooo city like MY city. I just can’t do this terrible traffic, lavish layers of clothing wearing, shameful snow shoveling, and immense ice and whirling winds and bustling blizzards and getting up a half hour or more early just so I can get the snow and ice off my car and warm it up so I don’t freeze to death while driving stuff at all. I’m not a morning person (remember) and furthermore, it’s just NOT me. It’s not.

(I can't do this bullshyt. I just CAINT!)

Na na na na

Wait til I get my money right

I’m getting a Winter house….in Miami.

Freezing my toes off,


*S.A.D. = Seasonal Affective Disorder, " A form of depression occurring at certain seasons of the year, especially when the individual has less exposure to sunlight." (as taken from: http://www.dictionary.com/SAD)

02 December 2008


Note: I wrote this the other day for the purpose of posting it today...Enjoy!

Time: 12:20am


I’ve just recently realized that my insomnia from July of this year has officially returned ten-fold, if not harsher.

I’m a night person 100%. There’s nothing about me at all that screams, “Morning”. Nothing. In the mornings, I am cranky, very silent, and usually very agitated. I am just not a morning person in the least. The only reason that I speak at all before noon is because I work at 9am and am forced to speak with coworkers and clients all day long, from the moment I enter the office until I leave and go on about my life. Sometimes, in the morning, it is obvious that I am not up for “unnecessary chatter” and the coworkers know this about me by now, but like a professional, I brush it off and keep it moving for the sake of my job.

But that’s not what this is about.

My insomnia is back. Back like a disease that recently went in remission. Back like…crack? * shrugs * I’ve had a particularly difficult time with not just going to sleep but also with staying asleep. Sometimes I am wide awake until 4am, then realize I have to wake up at 7 for work and then when I get to work I am either so tired I can’t function property or I’m incredibly wired and seemingly “unsleepy” until around lunch time and I have a massive crash, which in turn causes me to miss my lunch completely because I need to catch up on sleep…and I do. During my lunch break. For an hour and a half.

Point blank: It’s a mess.

And it’s not like I have absolutely no idea what is causing this ridiculous insomnia that has returned daily for the last two or three weeks. I actually know why it is happening. My issue is trying to deal with it effectively. How do I get to sleep at a reasonable hour and actually stay in that state? Right now it looks like I’ll be up for a while, but other times, I’m in the bed at a reasonable hour and I waken about 4 or 5 times during the night to use the washroom or get a drink of water with the intentions of crawling back into bed and then………………nothing. I can’t take it down again. Next thing I know, I’m up reading a novel I’m working on, writing on my laptop or in one of my notebooks, on photoshop bs-ing around like I have nothing to do, on the phone complaining about how I can’t sleep at all even though I’m tired as hell. All in the same night. Blah. I’ve been recommended to try a number of exercises that are supposed to help me get to sleep and “be normal”. I’ve tried them and…just like a placebo, I’ve gotten nowhere in my personal cure.

And of course I’m sleepy right now but my eyes aren’t going to stay closed…so I’m writing…and texting a close friend. And watching House. And eating some dressing that granny made today…after Thanksgiving and everything. My granny is dope!

But back to this:

Now that I think about it, I’ve always had a hard time sleeping. As a child, I would have a hard time staying asleep for one reason or another. My surroundings affected my sleep cycles and just like anything that holds a psychological connotation of some sort, things carried over into my adult life. It also didn’t help that I was a real live human owl when I was in college as well, getting an average of about 4 hours of sleep each night and having a very full day ahead of me each day, including a full day of coursework, a full afternoon of extracurricular responsibilities, and a full evening of working off-campus. My busy-body-ness (lol) helped to give me a reasonable excuse for why I would be up so early and taking it down so late at night. Over much time, I adapted to being very busy and now, during the few days where I’m not busy enough, I’m left with a serious sense of worthlessness and pointlessness. And when I feel like that, I can’t sleep. Consequently, when I’m busy, finding time to sleep is also a challenge because as stated earlier here, my mental can either be up for way too long and not be ready to sleep til the last possible hour or I’ll fall asleep and keep getting up because my body and my brain just refuse to be on the same plane.

* Sight * I’ll get it together one day. Hopefully soon….

* yawn * it’s now 1:29am,


01 December 2008

Bumping in my Speakers...

Taking You B----*record scratches*

…and there went that idea, just as quickly as it came.

I'm bored with the Taking You Back blogs already.

Have I told you guys just how quickly things become "routine" and "usual" for me? Just how short my attention span is? Just how hard it is to keep me entertained before I chuck the deus and call it a day, afternoon, or evening? Ugh…

I've done blog series' before. I've done them with other bloggers, personal friends, and I've had a few of my own blog series' all on MySpace (see: Sex Chronicles turned to Sex Chat and Lady Intellect Volumes, Thursday Thoughts, etc…) and they were pretty interesting, if not entertaining to do. However, with one that I solely do myself, I find myself being less and less committed and my mind drifting more and more into other topics and so forth.

So to better accommodate my ADD, I don't think I want to do a music series. I'm pretty sure I'll get bored with it at some point, primarily because of the limiting factor (only talking about a certain type, staying in one narrow lane, etc). Instead, I'll be posting songs that are in my head….whenever I feel like it. I'd really love to say that I'd be doing it "every week" but again—that kind of commitment just isn't me. It just isn't. Better to stay in a comfy lane than try to forge myself into one and end up losing my way in the process….

Here are some tracks that have been in heavy rotation lately. Enjoy.

Q-Tip – We Fight/We Love, featuring Raphael Saadiq

This song goes hard. Period. The Abstract Poet does not disappoint in this one at all. The whole album is actually beyond dope and in my opinion, is one of the best hip-hop albums I've heard all year. I also like "You", "Move", and "Shaka" as well. I think what makes me like this album is his content. Not too sure how his personal life looks, but he's talking about real things. Heartfelt things (We Fight/We Love) and for that, I love it… Raphael Saadiq also makes the track hot as well. I am soooo glad he dropped an album this year. He's been in ridiculously heavy rotation as well……

Raphael Saadiq – 100 Yard Dash

I am intoxicated by the beat and vibe of this song. "The Way I See It" is one of those albums that folk can sit back and listen to at any age. I had my granny listen to it and she loved it so much, she opted to turn her television off while she cooked (which she never does, by the way) and listen to his album instead…while I carried on about my evening). My granny is pretty dope, but besides that…so is Saadiq. What I absolutely adore about this whole album is the very authentic Motown-ish late 50s through 70s vibe that is there. From the album cover (and book inside) to the music organization to the length of the songs (songs back in the day, most specifically Motown produced songs didn't really even last three whole minutes to nowadays' hits of nearly 6 minutes [see: Erykah Badu]. Just something I noticed over the years) to….everything. If a person came to visit from another country and had never heard of Raphael Saadiq (or Tony! Toni! Tone! for that matter), but did study the culture of music a bit, they'd go to Best Buy and pick up Saadiq's album with the notion that it is indeed something out of 1965. I love that he also sampled the likes of Smokey Robinson as well and really made an awesome album. Each song is dope…which is pretty rare in albums.

Avril Lavigne – Complicated

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This song is kinda old, but I will admit…she goes hard in this song. I love it. I actually never knew her age until waaaaaay after the fact though. I don't really listen to a lot of punk pop (that's the category she's under – punk pop –lol), but I think she's a really good artist. Her style is pretty unique and I just love her "I don't give a *bleep* attitude" as well. Again, I love this song. I also love it because I'm in a sorta-kinda complicated situation and when I think of this song (or sing it lol), I'm really referencing myself like, "Why you have to go and make things so complicated?" Ehn…

Beyonce – If I Were A Boy

Click Here Because the Video Embedding was Disabled...

Okay. I like this song over Single Ladies. I'm a person that gets off into lyrics over a good and/or catchy beat. Blame Lil Jon for that though. And thank Dr. Dre and Pharrell. Single Ladies as a song (considering lyrics and all) is just not what's really good these days. Diva is also another example of this too. I was pissed when she got off into comparing a diva to a female hustler and having the gall to call them one and the same. Blech, Bey. Blech. Eff a beat. I'm all about lyrics. And because of that….I like If I Were A Boy. I thought her harmonies were on point and it's genuinely a good song. I like the message. I don't like the video though. It's a bit too…bitten for my tastes. I love originality. Thanks.

Oh! I also love Broken-hearted Girl and Halo as well. But that's about as far as that goes for me with that album. "If I Were A Boy", "Halo", and "Broken-hearted Girl"….maybe even "Radio".

Here is the request from the Taking You Back joint…..

Jade – Every Day of the Week

I loved Jade and their dookey braids and to the breast jeans LOL. I actually don't remember a whole lot about this group. Did they only have one album out? Either way, I remember this song very well. My sister and I had gotten the dookey braids just because Jade had them. We also used to sing the song….like we could relate and ish.