Good Hair: The Individual and the Lifestyle

This is the third and last installment of the "Good Hair" series. If you've missed it, the first two parts are found here and here. Go back, read, comment, then come back here. I'll wait.


Okay now that we've got that out the way....

Good Hair: The Individual and the Lifestyle

In today's age, our hair is a representation of both our individuality as well as our lifestyle in the present. The style changes, the treatments, the methods of care chosen, be those methods self-care all the way to weekly visits and personal stylists are all a matter of choice....but also partially (and in some cases, wholly) influenced by our rather complex psyche over the years, as stated in the last installment.

While the history and the psyche play such large roles on our personal choices for hairdress, the surface of such is depicted upon by the individual and their comfort and suitability with a certain style, method of hairdress or frequency and type of hair care (ie: style = braids, method of hairdress = relaxed, frequency and type of hair care = sole care, biweekly treatments)

As stated in the last installment, in our culture, there's a subliminal message engraved for Black women (and men alike) when it comes to our hair and the consenses over the years has always been "straight is great" and "nappy is unhappy". Depending on the person, those beliefs tend to vary in the true context.

But the Reality of the Situation is.......

Nappy doesn't always equal 'Unhappy'. To some, the "nappy" context is a representation of the black struggles and should be glorified proudly as a reminder of how far we as a collective has come, no matter the texture. However, to others, the "nappy" context is but a thorn in their side to show just how different we are, how many MORE struggles we have to get through, going all the way down to our hair, and thus, the attempt to assimilate to be better contestants in the game of Life against our White counterparts is a part of our system that is so engrained we (collectively) don't realize it.

Either way...as I said in the first installment, our hair is bigger than......our hair.

And either way, it all boils down to choice (when dealing with the surface of it all).
And speaking of our "competitors"...

I've talked with several White/European coworkers and friends with respect to this topic and just like Chris Rock briefly said on Oprah (no, I still have not seen the movie), in the eyes of Whites, for them, "straight isnt ALWAYS great". Like us, Whites also have a "secret life" when it comes to hair care and just like us, their methodology and reasoning behind their choices of hairdress rests within the aspects of: vanity, individuality, and lifestyle.

I've talked with White women who have complained about the state of their hair and how and why they use the artificial methods of bleaching, coloring and even relaxers (to make their hair curly in opposed to when we use relaxers to make our hair straight--an averse effect, indeed) and while their reasons rests LARGELY in vanity and lifestyle preferences where ours is LARGELY based on history and subliminal psychological complexes and contexts, as one White person said to me, "we all want to change something in ourselves that we don't have; we are always happy, but never satisfied". I agreed.

Lifestyle shapes an individual, not the other way around...

In this day and age, women are busy, with many holding full time jobs, homes to upkeep and children to keep in line at all times. The least of many women's worries is our hair as the stress and strains of every day Life tend to take the reins leaving our hair to be of extreme importance but also something that is moreso waning to the side of "what's more convenient for me" rather than, "what do I REALLY want to do with my hair".

On the flip side of it all though, hair, especially Black hair is also very diverse. With so many advancements and means of "looking right at the right [usually expensive] price", many women would opt to go for what's more suitable (and convenient) to their lifestyle rather than the dynamics of "what's more 'Black'" and whathaveyou. And while everyone does what is at a better convenience to them as to allieviate whatever unnecessary stress and strain that they can, the true dynamics of what is "convenient" just so happens to be in direct opposition to what is "socially accepted/liked" in the first place.

So what's MY story?
I am currently going Natural. As I've mentioned several times throughout this series, my Natural state is wavy and not coarse and even when I was getting relaxers, I did not get them but 3 times a year. My reason for the "change" though? Merely preference. For me, it's mainly about versatality than anything else. As a general rule, it takes a lot to keep me stimulated with a lot of the "same" things (and I just can not wait to wrap up this series so I can talk about something else lol), so in regards to my hair, I tend to switch up a lot. In the same vein, I also have complexes with weaves and artificial anything...so I don't engage and have opted to change my actual hair in opposed to wearing wigs or weaves for changes. Because of that, I've worn my hair long (my hair has been characteristically "long" my entire life up until 2008) to a bob to really short (as you see in the right hand corner pic here) to how it is now--growing back and just touching my shoulders (I was going to post pics of myself but got lazy, smh)

Though I have changed my hair over the years and have complexes with wigs and weaves and certainly don't bash anyone that uses them, I am also VERY finicky about what I use and do to my hair. I use NO "new" products--all age-old remedies and even create my own conditioners and treatments. I also do my own hair 98% of the time with trips to the salon only for when I need a trim.

(Most recent photo)

So how am I going Natural?

I went short in 2008 and loved it. After 6 months, though, I got bored and have allowed it to grow back ever since. Long hair is truly what I am accustomed to and I don't see myself cutting my hair really short again, so how am I going Natural?

As stated in the last installment, there are many methods to use other than simply cutting all of your hair off if you decide to go Natural. For me, while I am not relaxing my hair (its been about 6 months already), I am letting whatever relaxer I have left in my hair to grow out and after a stretch of time, I'll cut it off, but by then the relaxer will only be on the ends, so my hair would not be "bald short" when I cut it. Wish me luck.

That's just my story. And it fits my lifestyle which influences me as an individual.

Good Hair: The Psyche

(Note: This is Part 2 of a 3 part series. If you haven't caught the first installment, click here.)

Good Hair: The Psyche

The psyche is maybe the strongest factor in human decision making and perception. It's so strong that it has the tendency/ability to control a person's actions, thoughts and personal theories without notice. Unfortunately, society has the strong ability to do this as well.

As stated in the first part of this series, the psyche behind black hair in conjunction with "Good Hair" is something that has been a big factor and "issue" for MANY years. Before Chris Rock's movie, before the hippie/black power days of the 60s-70s, before the days of the "cunk", later termed the relaxer, before the start of the 1900s even. The history is what has given birth to the definition, which has definitely influened the theory and the theory is, for all intents and purpose, the product of the psyche.

Enter, the Psyche behind Good Hair.

The Psyche that stands amongs many African-Americans in regards to "good hair" and "natural hair" is that "straight is great" and "nappy is unhappy". Before writing this post today, I spoke on this issue with two fellow bloggers, one that has been natural for as long as I've known her (I've known her for three years) and another who is a faithful member of the Relaxed Club. Both shared with me their views on both natural hair as well as relaxed hair, while at the same time not discriminating against the opposing "side" for their choice of hair dress.

"Natural will never be an option for me. Not everyone is meant to be natural" - the relaxed sister stated.

I profusely disagreed. We are all born natural and whether that natural state is wavy like mine or coarse as a brillo pad, everyone is essentially "meant" to be natural. Natural is...well...natural.

However.................just like with relaxed hair and any hair style a person chosen, there is upkeep to be enforced. The very idea that "not everyone is meant to be natural" , in my opinion, is the product of that psyche that has been produced by society throughout the ages that say "you must have straight or relaxed hair, otherwise, you just don't look professional/pulled together/like you belong"

As my relaxed friend continued, however, she expressed her concerns with going natural to be moreso along the lines of the process in itself, rather than the finished look therein. When a person who has had a relaxer for a while opts to go Natural, it is customary that they cut their hair off to very short (cut all the relaxer out as a perm is.....well....permanent) and allow it to grow in that way. I can agree that not everyone has the head for a "near bald" look. At the same time though, there are a TON of options in regards to going Natural. One does not HAVE to cut all the hair off outright. They can allow their hair to grow in and not get a relaxer for a substantial period of time and then after a while and the hair has grown to the point where the relaxed portion of hair is but on the tips or ends, then they can cut it off and TRULY be a Natural. Another option is cutting all the hair off and opting for wigs, weaves, braids, etc while the hair grows underneath. That way the person isn't "outright bald" while trying to rock the Natural.

It's all understood that there is a vanity that comes with hair, especially Black hair in general. However, what is further missed or overlooked is the understanding that that vanity is nine times out of ten based on the views of society and what is generally accepted as "good hair" has done to the individual's psyche in the first place. It all plays a role.

"I try not to judge either way. I just know that relaxed isn't for me anymore" - the natural sister stated.

This opinion is of the "least-accepted" in our country and is also a prime example of how society can affect a person's thoughts and perceptions when it comes to self-worth and self-acceptance. In the directly above quote, she tries not to judge. She isn't condemning anyone that decides to continue with relaxed hair. On the flip, she knows it "isnt for HER". It is by her sole decision that she finds being Natural a better fit for HER. Who cares what society thinks, right? Not everyone carries this belief though and I wish they did.

If society were better accepting to the natural state of African or African-American hair, there wouldn't be any issues of what 'good hair' is, a description to "bad hair" or even weaves, chemical treatments. I'm quite sure that with our technological advancements, these things will still reign our society, BUT they wouldnt be such a means of discussion and there wouldn't be such a "hidden depth" behind such either. They also wouldn't be so important that women would find spending a thousand dollars on "the right kinda hair" something they just "had to do to keep their hair looking right" (aka: keeping up with the standards of society under the unknown guise of "just needing her hair done"). And why? Because if society were more accepting and if society didn't paint such a foul picture of African and African American hair and if "nappy wasnt unhappy" and "straight wasnt the only thing great", then she wouldnt HAVE to go through such lengths to "look good", she'd find that her natural hair is good enough and she'd embrace it and rock on with her bad self and smile while doing it.


But alas, this isn't a perfect society and our society is instead primarily driven on the "visual" versus any other aspects of humanity and our society has provided the invisible "okay" on the Theory of Good Hair for SO long that SO many people can't tell the differene anymore.

And thus, our Psyche is collectively transformed.




The last installment: "Good Hair: The Individual and the Lifestyle" next. Stay tuned.

Good Hair: An Examination and first part--Good Hair: The History, the Definition, and the Theory

(Note: I originally wrote this blog before the movie came out last Friday)

For anyone who's in tune with what's going on in theaters soon, Chris Rock has a "comedic documentary" coming out which he titled, "Good Hair". This documentary is supposed to be an "inside look" on what goes on behind the scenes with Black women when it comes to our hair.....with a comedic flair. (rhyming non-intended).

Last week, Chris Rock was featured on Oprah and spoke about his documentary. Throughout the show, he spoke about weaves, relaxers, hair length, theories and "rules" amongst Black women when it comes to our hair and our relationships with our men, and most importantly.......the texture of Black hair in conjunction with our European and Indian counterparts. Personally, I thought the Oprah special was pretty good, yet disheartening on a few levels (which I plan to get into as this series continues). However, I couldn't help but notice how he, Chris Rock, didn't really DELVE into the psyche behind why so many black women opt for weaves, relaxers and the like to begin with. He only discussed the surface (at least that's all he touched on the show; who knows what the actual documentary will discuss or how far it will go into the topic).

In case you missed it on Oprah though, here is a clip of Chris Rock's appearance on Oprah last week.




This discussion is a lot broader than people may come to realize. In picking apart the entire dynamic of Black Women and "Good Hair", I've decided to create a "Good Hair": An Examination series broken into the following:

1. The History, the Definition, and the Theory

2. The Psyche

3. The Individual and the Lifestyle

Let's start with the first point.........

*********************************************************************************************

Good Hair: The History, the Definition, and the Theory:


The History:

Black people have the coarsest and most difficult texture of hair of any other race of people. Historically speaking, our hair is also the least likely to grow to magnificent and glorious lengths. However, over the span of time, our hair has been a defining factor into our culture as a Black people. The braids, the afros, the locs, and other "natural" styles are signature and "representative" styles that separate us from other races and bound us as a culture. In short, our hair is bigger than.....our hair (I hope that made sense).

Most Blacks here in America are not completely African. Stemming from slavery, our black blood has been mixed with other races which would and could have a direct effect on our black hair, making it seemingly "less" black and otherwise "good hair".

Since the beginning of time, African-Americans have been defined by the characteristics of their (our) hair. Rewinding back into the days of even slavery where there were "house slaves" and "field slaves" determined by skin pigmentation, hair texture also played a role in this as well. Because many "house slaves" (lighter toned blacks), were of mixed race, their hair was less coarse, less "nappy" and better accepted overall. However, at the end of the day, they were black nonetheless, which didn't exempt them from being a slave in the least. However, it did restrict them from having to work the long and excruciating hours on plantations. Instead, they worked in house, tended to the needs inside and were better treated. Their hair, like their skin pigmentation, played a very real role in the deciding factor of "who does what".

Over many many years and countless renovations within society--from socioeconomic issues between the races to perceptions carried from African-American to African-American, the strength our hair has had has always been a huge determinant in anything we have done as a collective race from job placements to even who we will date and through the ages, one thing has remained a very real and exceedingly strong constant--the talk of what "good hair" is. And even through all of this, the definition has always been about texture and length versus health and strand strength as it should be. It's always been "Straight is Great/Nappy is Unhappy". Always. There's always been a real psychology behind our hair when it comes to social standards and acceptance. And what's worse? Many blacks are so inept to this realization that they either don't bother to realize it or hear of the realization and get up in arms. Well this is truth. There's a psychology behind our hair. Period. (and that will be discussed in part 2).


The Definition:

The term, "good hair" has been made very common "slang-speak" amongst Black males and females across the board location-wise. The description of "good hair" is usually long, usually not the stereotypical "coarse" or "nappy" hair and is by many standards "better" hair. In short, it's everything the "standard" "Black hair" is not. In my opinion, it's actually a backhanded compliment when someone clamors over my hair and say, "you've got that GOOD HAIR" based on the texture of my hair (my hair is not coarse but rather wavy and I have no real need for relaxers. Until the Big Snip of '08, my hair used to be "long"). In my opinion, "good hair" is that which is healthy, regardless of its texture and visible length, but rather in its density and strand strength. However, this definition is not what "good hair" is defined as, only the former has carried.


The Theory:


The theory of "good hair" is that "good hair" is better, preferred by most, easier to manage and better accepted throughout society. Since that is the "theory" (and in many cases, truth), many black women have opted to conform to this theory and have taken it as a means of "being accepted in White America" without really knowing it. Enter the weaves, the different types of sew-ins and wigs, the costly transformations from "Black girl" to "oh she must be mixed with..........." phenom.......


Next blog: Good Hair: The Psyche. Stay tuned!

Green Eyes

I know our love will never be the same
But I can't stand the growing pains




"Emotions run rampant as I sit in reflection, mentally reenacting the times and places in which caused me to become so engulfed in love with you......It's gonna be a while before I'm once again complacent" -Me


Today I don't feel this way.
This October 7th, 2009, I don't hold this emotion.
In this present moment, I am happy.
Not hurt. I'm okay.

But once upon a time, I felt like this
I was this woman before
Eyes so green I become another, less likeable version of myself
A woman scorned

...By Love (capital necessary)

.......and this song sang a familiar tune to my soul.

*le sigh*

MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Before I heal, it's gonna be a while
I know it's gonna be a while, chile

I Love My City, But.....

.......this violence has GOT TO STOP!!!!


Yesterday morning I woke up feeling GRAND! This almost NEVER happens as I am the anti-morning person. Mornings don't really work well with me. No speaking. No conversing. Nothing. Not til at least 11am (it used to be noon; I've made progress). But yesterday, I woke up feeling like it was 3pm on a bright summer day. Last weekend was awesome, my birthday party was a huge success and I spent the rest of the weekend with friends and family. I really enjoyed myself. So, on Monday morning, I put some pep in my step, rocked on to my Pandora on my SlimBerry*, and headed to work with all smiles. I felt great!

As the day wore on though, I learned of the killing of 16 year old Derrion Albert that happened on my birthday last Thursday (I did not watch the video) and as I kept being informed of his truly horrific death, my mind took a flashback to 2008, where I lost two friends I'd known since before my high school years, one of which I was really close with. (I blogged on it here)

The more information I received, the more depressed I became. This is so much bigger than the single death of this young and innocent teen in Chicago. This, at least for me, was the straw that broke this camel's back.

I really can't take it anymore!

I woke up this morning feeling incredibly blah....a complete 180-turn from yesterday morning. No more pep. Pandora was on but...I wasn't feeling it really. I was just....blah. My heart was heavy and I felt weary. The crime here is getting worse and something MUST be done in my city!

On the whole, Chicago needs improvements across the board. The education system is lacking, there's money in the city, but it doesn't go to where it needs to go to help properly educate our youth...and pay those educators a more reasonable salary to aid in motivating said educators to...educate in the first. I know funds aren't as available given the size of the city and the amount of kids and teens that are in dire need of a proper education, but something has to give.

If education (what should be a child's primary focus in their 'growing years') were where it should be, I firmly believe that the violence in the city wouldn't be as high as it is right now. It's STAGGERING right now. In 2008, Chicago reached a whopping 538 senseless killings of persons under the age of 25 in ONE YEAR! (Sidenote: My friend Kermit being the 500th- Rev. Jesse Jackson Sr was at the funeral; I spoke with him briefly). Now that total is worse than that and it isn't even October yet?! There's a problem in the Chi water. A huge problem.

It goes without saying that Chicago is one of the most important, most talked about, most admired cities in the entire world. And because of that, we even have a bid for the Olympics in 2016 to be held here. This is an event that will literally cost millions on top of millions (if not billions) of dollars. Funds and donations have been put in play for the bid to be placed in Chicago for a LONG time. It's a truly exciting event but.....

....my mind just says, "what about the violence toll? What about these kids?"

Mayer Daly's mind is primarily on the Olympics. "We'll deal with the kids and the education system later. That issue will always be there" he says with his actions.

......Okay...but the kids may not always be here.

It's just a sad situation overall in my eyes. Priorities are once again shifted onto what can be "covered up" whilst maintaining the "image" that Chicago is of "Elite-status"--one of the best of the best-the creme de la crop. Top dog. Whatever.

It's all smoke and mirrors.

The reality of the situation is.....yes, Chicago is awesome, but underneath that awesomeness--underneath the ravishness of Navy Pier, Lake Shore Drive, Michigan Ave, Hyde Park, Bronzeville, the beaches, the museums, the art and the culture--lies a terrible underbelly of a different kinda "culture"--a rawness that reeks of hate and pisses ignorance which breeds fear within our kids who are afraid to go to school for fear of being killed en route due to the senseless killings taking the lives of their peers right before their eyes.

I'm moved to start a non-profit organization of some sort--an Afterschool Program for our youth here in the city. I was a mentor in grade school and college. I'm moved not solely by Derrion Albert's death, but by the consistency of the deaths here in my city as a whole.

Something really needs to change. I just hope that change can be sought before it's too late...




*SlimBerry is my BlackBerry Tour

24

Tomorrow is the date. 24 years on this Earth. It's my Golden Year....

And how do I feel about it?

*shrugs* I've got no feelings really.

Fact is...as I get older, I tend to look at Life through a different lens, expanding my perspective by pulling through the perception of others and their experiences and lives and also...by simply learning Life's lessons as I go.

If I could sum "me" up in just one word and expand on its meaning for me, well.......I couldn't. There are far too many adjectives that can be used to describe my person. I guess that's why I'm a Libra. I'm the most indecisive person I know. (I'm also a Virgo personality-wise, but that's neither here nor there)...

I'm constantly working on myself, trying to improve, elevate myself in all aspects of my life (intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, etc), and just try and become a better person all around. It's definitely a process that seems to never end and while I'll always be a "work in progress", I've taken note of a few things that I've noticed about myself on the way.

1. I'm Impatient - This is in reference to myself as well as things and people around me. At times I feel like my impatient nature is waning and I'm getting "better" but then something will happen (or not happen) and I'll get impatient with myself...or others around me for that something happening or not happening. I contribute this to two factors...

2. ...I'm Spoiled (still) - Blame P3 for this, but before him, I was unreasonably spoiled. He just curbed it. smh. No I am not the only child. I'm the middle child and I definitely had a case of Middle Child Syndrome, but I've always found a way to get my way and if I don't...I dont "throw a fit" but....I get impatient. Second factor would be...

3. ...I've got a bucketload of Pride - I've joked many a time that when I leave this great Earth, my cause of death would be none other than me partaking in one of the Seven Deadly Sins far too often. That deadly sin.......is Pride. I've got a very high self-esteem and I'm pretty independent and very used to having to deal with everything on my own. With that being said, I dont find comfort in asking for help. I see that as a weakness. Yes I am aware I need to work on this....but it, just like the other things listed, is a process, nothing to be achieved overnight.

4. I'm very indecisive. In everything - It's a mess. I flip flop my mind so much, I oftentimes get a headache. I weigh out the pros and cons of Life far too often, preventing me from simply "living" and giving trust a try. This brings me to my next point....

5. I (still) have unbelievable trust issues - I swear I'm going to try VERY hard to work on this. I say this very often. I'm serious this time lol. Me taking on the weight of myself plus the weight of others can only go so far. I'm actively taking the baby steps into becoming a more "open" person by opening up when necessary (see: giving advice, as a means to help someone else, but not just run of the mill chatter). Gotta learn to crawl before you walk and walk before you run.

6. I really do love but I'm not easy to love - It's all guard and my inability to pull said guard down at times. I realize it's all up to me. I've just got to learn patience with myself in easing the guard as well as patience with those around me as they muster the patience towards me while I very slowly let down said guard. (Did that confuse you?)

7. I'm growing out of my Fear factor I've held onto for so long but...it's still relatively there - Life experiences has me at a more "optimistic realist" approach in Life while at the same time fearing advancement because everyone knows that advancement comes with falls first. I'm just afraid of the falls. I don't heal easily. Again, still a process I have to get through. I'm learning.

Stop.

I don't usually do dual posts. Okay, sometimes, I do...but most of the time, they are intentional. Today though, it is not.

About an hour after I posted my last post, I discovered that Maia Campbell was on the Trending Topics list on Twitter. (For those non-Twitterers, a Trending Topic is a theme of discussion on the popular social networking site, Twitter.com). Anyway, it appears as though a YouTube (and HoodTube) video was released on the internet, which showed Maia Campbell visibly angry, disoriented, and lashing out at the "cameraman" who was clearly picking fun of her for nearly 7 minutes.

Stop. Let's rewind a bit, shall we?

Who is Maia Campbell, you ask?

Remember the sitcom, "In the House" with LLCoolJ and Debbie Allen? She was the long-haired pretty and popular high school teenager on that show. Some years later, it is rumored and "confirmed" that Campbell does drugs.
Here is the issue that most people don't/didn't know:

While it is true that Campbell does drugs, this is what people don't understand. Maia has an illness. A mental illness. She is Manic Depressive. That, in so many words, is the equivalent of her being Bipolar. What this means is....unlike the run-of-the-mill strung out person on drugs, she CAN NOT just "stop herself and get herself out of the trouble she caused" and other hoopla I've seen spread and dispersed like wildfire over the Twittersphere. Because she has a mental illness, she LITERALLY can't control her own life and "make her life change for the better" and blah blah. No. She is mentally ill. She needs help. Professional help.

"But what about her taking medication?"

That is the other thing, folks. While I am not at all a psychologist, I do know a bit about psychotic disorders and I am very well-versed on the effects of Manic Depression. With Manic Depression, the mind goes through extreme mood swings that literally go from a "manic" (extremely happy, gallant state) to extreme depression (so down, suicide is considered state). Medication, though is triggered to help the person with this issue usually has some TERRIBLE side effects. Side effects so terrible, the Manic Depressive person can literally opt out all together from taking their meds because the side effects are just too much for them to bear (some side effects are actually periods of EXTREME Manic Depression until the body adjusts to the medication and there is no telling just how long that transitional period lasts).

Enter Maia's Introduction to Drugs

Maia knows she isnt feeling "like herself" and she is well aware that she is "out of mind" or however you want to term it. But those meds? You can [almost] forget it. To a person with Manic Depression, those medications may feel like you're going "crazier". But drugs? Drugs, just like alcohol, allieviate you of your mindstate and make you feel "better" about yourself and your surroundings. This is why drugs (and alcohol) are so addictive. The "feel good" factor is something EVERYONE who has ever been tipsy, drunk, high, etc can relate to. Maia knows she needs help but the help that is offered to her makes her feel worse. The "natural" reaction is to turn to drugs--a stimulant that makes a person feel better temporarily. Once it wears off though and reality kicks in? She's back to feeling manic or extremely depressed...and she can't get out of it. Thus an addiction so that that "feel good" factor doesn't wear off so easily is birthed. She needs help. Professional help.

So stop.

Just stop with the the jokes and making her a hit on the Trending Topics list. It isn't funny. Stop with the assumptions on what you think you know about her situation. She may have "done this to herself" as far as doing drugs goes, but if you REALLY think about/educate yourself on/take a minute to let it all sink in.......she literally can't help herself. She needs help.

When you are out of mind, you are literally not responsible for your actions. Period.



I advise people to read a very good book by my favorite author, her mother, Bebe Moore-Campbell. Her mother died in 2006, a day after Maia's 30th birthday of a brain tumor/cancer. Before she died, however, she penned many a novel and is a GREAT author. The book I advise yall to pick up and read is: "72 Hour Hold". It's a fictional tale about a mother and her relationship with her daughter that has Bipolar Disorder (later termed "Manic Depression"). This book is also closely related to her relationship with her daughter. I read somewhere that it is that relationship that gave her the inspiration needed to write the book.


To learn more about Manic Depression, click here...

CB on the TV

(I couldn't think of a more "catchy" title at the moment. Deal with it.)

I haven't really blogged in what feels like months. Busy as a bumble bee. Nah...busier. But now that I've got some time, some thoughts to share with the world, and a little soapbox to stand on, I figure I'll give it a go. Ride with me:

So last night, I was watching Larry King feature Chris Brown's first interview since the fight him and Rihanna had in February. Twitter went crazy over the talk of Brown's ridiculous bow tie as well as his very apparent juvenile-esque demeanor while being interviewed.

Here's my take on the interview:

I think that Chris Brown held his own during the interview. In such a greatly media publicized debacle, I believe that given the circumstances, Chris Brown acted as any guilty, young celebrity who is bombarded by Larry King with the same question asked 527 different ways should act. He was respectable to both himself as well as Rihanna, well-mannered and to my surprise, didn't lose his temper one time. Personally, if it were me, since I hate being asked intrusive questions, much less asked the SAME question over a hundred different ways, I'd have exploded. But of course, I'm no celebrity.

Many times, Larry King asked intrusive and rather "illegal" questions trying to pick into the private conversations Chris Brown had with Rihanna and each time, Brown responded with, "I'd rather not get into those details out of respect for Rihanna as well as myself". I'll have to admit that I was impressed with the boy, not to mention.....he looked fine as wine. Damn. But that's completely besides the point (I just never really noticed it much until last night, but still....). And of course, Chris Brown stumbled a little on his wording and appeared "inexperienced" in his interview. I'm not making excuses but I majored in journalism in college. At the end of the day, Chris Brown is a very young young man in a very grown-up type situation. I understand that Chris was/is nervous and spent the ENTIRE segment making sure his words were articulated correctly. It was obvious that he did not want to say something that could be twisted around in a way he did not intend. And if he came close to saying something questionably incorrect (wording-wise), he had his lawyer present to step in. I can't fault this interview at all.


Many times during the interview, Chris Brown apologized, citing how sorry he was, that he still loved and is still in love with Rih Rih, how his actions were "not like him" and how he wished he would have "handled the situation differently and better". He even stated multiple times that he had no recollection of the night's events. He blacked out. I believe it fully. Why? Well because it's happened to me before. There have been (very VERY rare occasions) where I've gotten so angry my face turns red and I can't see clearly. When this happens, I usually just fall asleep but if I don't? I won't remember anything that happens immediately after I get in the "mode". One of my friends even called me "Hulk Mal" last time I was in the "mode". The point is...black outs happen. And they can happen while angry.

Personally, I think everyone should give him a chance to redeem himself. Just like any other human, people make mistakes. We should only criticize those that make the same mistakes over and over with no lesson learned in sight.

It goes without saying that no one can tell Rihanna what to do as far as reconciling with him on a relationship level. I can only say what I would do. In such a situation, I strongly believe in "forgive but don't forget". While I am probably the worst person to say this since I have grudge issues myself, if it were me, I would probably forgive Chris and accept his apology...........but I would not reconcile to be his girlfriend again. Again, this is just me, my personal views. At the end of the day though, everyone makes mistakes and everyone deserves a "second chance at life". He just won't be getting a second chance as my man.

I think that some people truly tend to forget that these celebs are humans first before they are celebrities. It goes without saying that Chris Brown did something HORRIBLE. He SHOULD be reprimanded, fined, and punished. However, I also don't believe that his one infraction should cause a permanently tatted Scarlet Letter to be drawn on his chest forever labeling him a "horrible person". If the tables were turned and you were Chris Brown, wouldnt you think you deserved a second chance?

I've never been a purchaser of any of his albums but I do enjoy his music. I do hope that he receives the help that he needs (I hope that BOTH of them receive the help that they need because for both of them, things are far more than what we see on the surface, psychologically) and somehow puts this behind him.

While watching the interview, in between laughing at his bow tie (really though--a BOW TIE?! smh), the compassion in me kicked into high gear and I couldn't help but really hope for the best for him. I can't and won't write him off yet. I just hope that when he does come back, he is a better person both inside and out.

Here is the clip of the show in case you missed it:




Ms_Slim

One In A Million...

It feels like it's been a lifetime since I've been on any of my blogspots (the other one is here - clickie). I've just been SO busy, it's quite ridiculously and really obnoxiously unreal. I'm never sleep. Always awake. Always out and about. Always always. Always.

So now I'm on my lunchbreak at work. Figured I get a blog up and it dawns on me....today is Aaliyah's 8th year anniversary of her death. I know yall see her to the right of this blog. She was one of my favorite artists of the 90s in whole because I related to EACH song in her "One In a Million" album and also because she was one of the best dancers this side of Debbie Allen. Her style was also pretty unmatched and of course I copied (hence the Wrap I rocked non-stop for YEARS, side-swooped over the (right) eye included) I definitely learned a lot from her (dance-wise, style wise).

So without further adieu, I present all of my favorite videos from Aaliyah. Enjoy. Here we go:



Are You That Somebody



My cousin and I learned this dance fast as it came out. I STILL remember it. Anytime I'm bumping this song in the speakers of my car, I act out the hand parts of the dance moves lol

One In A Million



I LOVE this song. To this day. It's just got a really serene feel to it....and doesnt everyone have that "one in a million"? Maybe that'll be a blog for me...hmmm.....

4 Page Letter



This is one of my favorite songs of all time. Has anyone written their crush or the person they are dating a letter to tell them they want "more"? *whispers* I have lol (I told yall I relate to the ENTIRE "One In A Million" album) lol. Oh yea...I know this entire dance too :)


Hot Like Fire



Back when Missy, Timbaland, and (Magoo) was putting music on the map! (Okay, 86 Magoo,lol...but you get the point)


Rock The Boat



The video that Aaliyah was doing just before she was killed. I swear I lost my ever-lovin' mind when she passed. I made it a point to learn this dance. And I did. Of course.

Back and Forth



I think this was the first video I saw from Aaliyah. I LOVED it! And the "Back and Forth" became what was Ciara's "1,2 Step". She was the first....for Ciara and others. #fact - I had a (very minor and short-lived) tomboy era going on with me a little after this video. Wearing "boy clothes" was the style back then though. My sister was THEE tomboy. Ask her to recall though and she'd act like she didnt know what you were talking about lol

At Your Best (You Are Lov) Remix w/RKelly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3twe0D3o5P4

I'm pretty upset that the coding is embedded for this video on YouTube. When I get some time, I'll look to another video site for it. But this link will have to do til then.

Anyway...I LOVE this song! And the video was hot too, no? RKelly's presence nonwithstanding, this song goes hard. Much like One in a Million, you can just relax and reminisce with this song. Loves it!

If Your Girl Only Knew



One of my favorite parts of this video was the eye color changes. It's no surprise that I can relate to the song either. (Remember what I said about the album itself? Yes this is on One In A Million for those that are unsure) lol


The One I Gave My Heart To



Love this song. Somehow the video version is a little different from the album version but I love both just the same. For me, the symbolism behind the video is...she's looking in the mirror singing the lyrics as if to say, "how could he hurt me like this? Is it ME--something wrong with ME?!" I feel like that's a natural reaction with a really deep heartbreak.


Try Again




Another video I learned from beginning to end. I also loved her hair color. Just never duplicated. At the time,I was scared of coloring my hair. In 2005, I was no longer "scared" and put highlighted streaks in...and from that experience, I learned...no more color! lol



Those are my favorite Aaliyah videos. Feel free to add yours, plus a little story as to why it's yours :)

Revelation: Pride

My name is "Ms_Slim" and I am very prideful.

Sure I know that this is one of the "Seven Deadly Sins", but there are times where I can not help this aspect of my being. Heck, there are times I am so wrapped in what I am doing that I do not realize the grand toll my pride has taken on a particular situation or environment that I am in.

But over the last few weeks, I have noticed the magnitude of which my pride tends to reign supreme....and subsequently come crashing down as a result.

And when it crashed, by golly it crashes. Hard.

Now? I'm kinda humbled. And it's only because I had to humble myself for the "greater good". At the end of the day though, I am still pretty prideful. I'm still too proud to ask for help when I really REALLY need it. I'm still too proud to admit my shortcoming to the world. I am still too proud to admit that in a particular situation, I was wrong....(but I wasn't the only one wrong). I'm still too proud to utter my true feelings out of fear (yes, I am still in a certain amount of fear; not the degree as before but in fear nonetheless)

However, half of the battle in all of this is the recognition, right? The acknowledgment of such obstacles, no? Though I'm "still too proud", the fact that I've admitted these things is a step in the right direction, right? I'm recognizing that I need to work on asking for help because no one is perfect. I'm admitting that I have a shortcoming, though I am not comfy or rather---"too proud"--to share it with the world. I admit that in that particular situation, I was (partly) wrong, even though I never admitted it to the person involved. I admit that I still have work to do. As does anyone else.

Some time ago, I'd never admit these things, in my head or aloud. I think I've made some progress.

I miss my granddad. Today would be his 84th birthday. Today is a reflective day for me.

fin.

sidenote: When I tried looking for a pic to accompany this blog via Google Images, how come all that came up was Gay Pride pics? smh. I am not the one. No pic for this blog I suppose.

AHNS: Counter-Opinion

The SLH is at it again. I had him read the John Mayer post and he profusely disagreed with his stance. Here is the discussion between him and I. Enjoy.





SLH: Interesting quote
But you're not gonna like my response

me: LOL You’re usually on a different plane as far as everything goes anyway, so I’m not surprised

SLH: I think he's complicating life. Why use 64 colors when you can make whatever color blend necessary with 8. If you go out and buy a small fast sports car for speed, a minivan for size, a 2 ton truck for power and a motorcycle for quick maneuverability, you're (in my opinion) overstocking yourself when all you needed was a Kia Sophia to get you to and from A to B. Searching for that perfect magenta is like looking at a single tree in a forest and wondering why it's not to your liking

me: of course I disagree. John Mayer is talkin bout personal growth. Why limit your growth when u know there’s more growing to do? Why just be satisfied with where u are when u know u can ALWAYS improve

SLH: cause some people can get things done with what they're born with (8 crayons with no sharpener) and rather create than build their arsenal of colors

me: even now youre doing more, with everything you do in your life and the risks you’ve taken to advance yourself. There’s always room to grow. Yes there are those that do well with the 8. They can use the blue and green and white and create cerulean. But there are others that only seee blue and are stuck in that one color


SLH: right but i'm not sitting back saving up all of my money and saying 'one day i'll be ready to buy a house and a camera and find a job' I'm doing things along the way…some I succeed at, some I fail at, but sitting back complaining 'this doesn't feel right' would never get me anywhere

me: THATS what im talkin about. The immobile, not the ones making out what they can with what they have and sitting back and complaining is stupid. ACTION is what im on lol

SLH: but that's what mayer does in the quote. He’s complaining and letting a fine purple walk away cuz she's not on the same level as what he expects. Searching for a 64 pack is a good way to end up unsatisfied and friendless

me: I think you’re reading too much into the quote. You’re talking about accepting people for who they are. I’m not talking about that at all. I’m talking about people limiting themselves from their potential

SLH: but who are you (or john) to say someone's purple should be a magenta

me: not looking "beyond their life's lens" and only seeing one side to their life but not making any progress

SLH: if they work wonders with their purple lifestyle rock on

me: sigh
if they work wonders in purple, then they arent purple. They are magenta

SLH: hahaha. That makes no sense


SLH: This is similar to a talk I had with my dad about teaching. He considers it a waste of my life to want to teach because I have so much potential. He said with my degree and creativity it would be a waste to be in a classroom with some kids who don't give a damn. To me... that's john mayer telling me my purple sucks and I should want to be a Renaissance man about town wowwing the masses. But if I want to teach and I'm good at it in my own opinion... then rock on I shall

me: LOL!!! Well I'm clearly looking at it w/in the realm of limited thinking whereas you’re on some "but if I’m purple, why cant I just take the purple and add a lil black and make magenta?" If you read the whole thing you’ll see I said, "How is purple all you see when sitting next to you there's blue and red and next to them orange and green? And on the ends there's black and white? And when you meet new people and do new things, there's a wide array of ciruleans and mahogoney's abounds? How are you comfy with "just being purple"?" Meaning people that ONLY see one lane of sight.

SLH: key words in your last line 'you' and 'comfy'. If someone's comfortable with themselves... rock on

me: I just feel like everyone should go for their potential and u do too

SLH: That's a different argument. I agree with that too but if their potential is the way they're going and you see them and say 'hey, you should be going that direction!' that's odd to me. They can shine their brightest with their boring purple, why ask them to be something different

me: no I'd never tell a person where they should be going, but if they are say.....good at drawing right? And then they go to an art school--excel and blah blah, then get offered a job like Michaelangelou and they don’t take it, that’s odd. That’s not reaching your potential, that’s wasting time. Like-- why go to school and be an art major only to turn down a top job you seemed to have always wanted?

SLH: ok, hold that thought and think back. Has anyone ever told you 'you should be a professional writer/actress/athlete/model/wrestler! you're so good at it!' and you knew they were speaking out of kindness but you just knew it wasn't where you were headed?

Me: Yes

SLH: Now put yourself into the purple position and imagine that person who suggested that considered you a waste of potential for not agreeing

me: I mean....I’ve had people tell me to do this and that but it wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life; modeling is a hobby for me and nothing I see myself doing for my LIFE but yes I’ve had people tell me "you should do THIS with your life". But if I were to act like that’s what I wanted to do with myself and then get offered a spot on ANTM, turn around and win get a contract and when I’m supposed to sign it I go, “I don’t wanna do this for my life", that doesn’t make sense.


SLH: So that artist might not wish to be the Mchaelangelo of her/his time. Nothing wrong with that.

me: I’m saying....people that aim for a goal shouldn’t stop at a certain point when they put all their effort or energy into it

SLH: He doesn't mention anything about a goal

me: Like...why go out for American Idol if you don’t wanna be on the show and win?

SLH: He just mentions someone on a different path than himself

me: Well im talkin bout goals

SLH: He says 'they're doing their purple thing'

me: I took it somewhere else

SLH: they're not idle--sitting back doing nothing

me: You’re right. I took it up a notch. I mean do u still disagree with where I'm coming from though?

SLH: I disagree with the quote in general, not so much your take on goals



**I wish I could color-code my blog so you could get a better distinction of who says what; I have no clue what happened to that feature. Does anyone know? :-/

Always Happy, Never Satisfied

I saw a quote by John Mayer that I stumbled upon from another blog and HAD to post it. Take a look for yourself. And yes, John Mayer is fine as wine, but...read the quote he spits below his picture.

I'll wait....





Doper words on life and social interaction have never been spoken. I feel like with the more people progress as individuals, the more other individuals within a group or a relationship, that are in direct relation to said individual, have a tendency to either 1. stay where they are or B. fall off completely due to "comfort level" within the relationship. It's like a chain reaction of sorts.

Of course this doesn't happen in EVERY interaction/relationship/friendship....but it happens. And when it does, someone is left feeling inadequate or as Mayer eloquently puts it, "...and I'm like, "no--I want magenta!" Someone (if not all parties involved) is bound to feel some kinda way when the individual is "progressin' in the Recession".

As we grow older, we as individuals shouldn't aspire to reach a "peak" (or "desired color") and live in comfort atop our own personal mountaintop. There's always another mountain to climb and a higher peak to reach. Of course there are those that vie for a simple life--middle class and happiness. Nothing major. This blog isn't about the materialistic. It's about personal growth. We should ALWAYS be growing. No excuses. Humans evolve and with human evolution also comes evolution of the mind. We are constantly changing, constantly having to adjust to said changes, and constantly molding into new beings, new positions, better humans. After all, if there was a limit to life (and I obviously don't mean the fundamentals of life and death either), why is the sky limitless? There's no end to it for a reason.

How is purple all you see when sitting next to you there's blue and red and next to them orange and green? And on the ends there's black and white? And when you meet new people and do new things, there's a wide array of ciruleans and mahogoneys abounds? How are you comfy with "just being purple"? How does that work? You don't even want to try out for Magenta? Weird. Very weird. But then again...maybe the 64-count isn't your thing. Or even an 8-count for that matter. And if that's the case.......that sucks. Who wants to just be with "their kind" only day in and day out? No one moves. Everyone remains the same. And all the while, minds deteriorate. As Jay put it...."[that] can't be life".

This reminds me of a book I read when I was in college in a class I was taking over the summer in 2007. In my Children's Literature class, I chose to do my Final Project on "The Giver" by Lois Lowry. The book is about a structured "world" where people are birthed and from then on are handed their "assignments" or roles in life. There are those that have kids, those that do labor work, etc etc. They are "programmed" from birth not to "look beyond the scope" of their Life's lens and for that reason, they are ALL very limited and extremely boring beings. One child was given the "assignment" of "The Giver", the person that knows the secrets to the world and beyond. Only--he can't really question what's out there, though unlike everyone else, he KNOWS there is more out there. The amazing part? He goes above and beyond his duties and UTILIZES his role and goes for more, leaves the world and goes beyond.

Though it's a child's book, the schematics and the mindset is definitely adult. I had to keep looking at it and even went as far as too research this book to make sure that it is indeed for kids. "Children should not be reading this book", I thought. Then again...they should. So they know ahead of time....evolution is necessary for growth. Without it, our souls are dead.

So as Mayer said (I'm just gonna summarize what he meant), since we (should) all change and evolve as humans are prone to do, "purple" shouldn't be as far as the eye can see. Magenta should be what we're aiming for. And after that? Well there'll always be a better, more inventive color after "Magenta".


My homie and I engaged in a discussion to which he countered this entire blog. Click HERE to read it. Enjoy!

Representative Pieces....

Haven't written in a while. Haven't penned a poem in months. I can say that Life hit, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I've had a LOT to say and even tried to write a piece over a week ago.....all to no avail.

There's too much in my head to sort through.

Too many emotions going all over the place, making me feel very uncomfortable and dare I say it....insecure.

I am never insecure. Like never ever. This is new.

And this is the song of my life right now.

Kindred - Far Away




And because I actually feel like screaming (but won't), this song also reigns right now:

Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson- Scream



Next post will be better.....

Death of a Legend: That Mean Lean

Okay. I'm back in my "Michael Jackson trance" that I've been in since his passing exactly a week ago. I just viewed one of my favorite videos from him, "Smooth Criminal" and thought I'd post it.......and tell a little story too.

Michael Jackson - Smooth Criminal


This was one of my favorite songs back in the day. The video is awesome and oh how Mike leeeeaaaaans, right?

Childhood memory: I remember back in the day how my little brother and I would watch Michael's videos religiously. You see, our dad has a VHS of nothing but Michael Jackson videos (He might have recorded it from a special shown on TV at the time, Idk) and since my brother and I were heavily exposed to Michael Jackson, we loved this VHS (when I'm done with this blog, I may call dad up and ask him to look for that vhs for me so I can see it again possibly over the weekend).

Whenever the tape got to the "Smooth Criminal" video, I remember my brother and I would both be in our shoes or stocking feet trying to duplicate. My brother was always good with impersonating Mike's moves. Me? Notsomuch. But I tried. (I got better once I got into dance though, but like everyone else, I'm no Mike duplicate).That lean though? I definitely tried. Without question. I nearly busted my head trying to do this lean, lol. My brother actually did bust his head. Good times.

Let's focus on that lean again, shall we?




As I got older, watching the video, I concluded that this was just a mark of camera work at its finest. The rules of gravity don't allow for a 50-degree lean, period. But then he did it in concert and I learned that it's in his shoes. There's something going on with the soles of his shoes or something. Either way, it's DOPE! (I still wanna learn this move, though lol).

One of my favorite parts of the video? Around the 7:47 mark where the little boy is doing the moves. Isn't he adorable?

Another thing I love about this video is how it easily distracts you from the lyrics as well as what's really going on in the video. The song is talking about a "smooth criminal" who comes and attacks a woman named "Annie" and just like any "smooth criminal", he leaves unscathed, yet "Annie" is suffering ("he left the bloodstains on the carpet"..."it was her doom"). However in the video, Michael comes onto the scene and even though people are highly suspicious of him and he causes a ruckus, he's dancing with them (remniscent of the "Bad", "Remember the Time" and "Beat It" videos)........but in the end, it turns out HE was the "Smooth Criminal" all along. Smooth, eh? Smooth indeed :). Because the dancing and the other elements of the video are so entertaining, I doubt people are even thinking about all of this. Of course I did though lol.

It was my intention to post just ONE blog of my favorite Michael Jackson videos and title the blog, "Death of a Legend: The Videos" or something like that. But then as I compiled my list, I noticed that there were entirely too many videos I wanted to include, each with a small personal story/piece attached to it in some way. So I've decided to continue this tribute sporadically and create an official "series" of some sort. You'll see the influence that MJ had on my life and hopefully it'll make you bring out your personal experiences in connection to the world's greatest artist as well.

Isn't it funny...

...how the ones we trust the most are the ones that can hurt us the most and the quickest...

...are also the ones we admire the most and tend to lean on with the most ease...

...and are also the ones whose opinions means the most...

...but at the end of it all, we still get the most tongue-tied, disconnected, discombombulated, confused and incoherent when we need them the most?



*I know I promised two more parts to the "Death of a Legend" series I started on Michael Jackson, but that moment has passed at present. I may pick up on it again soon. Or do it in more parts and segments*

Death of a Legend: The Nail Art

(this is an ongoing post and so far this is the 2nd part. The first part can be found here and is called, "Death of a Legend: The Reaction")

Remember the "glove"? Well of course you do. What started out as a ploy to cover up the beginning stages of virtiligo disease, very quickly became a trend in the fashion world. And no one but Mike could pull it off so fashionably.


I never had a glove though. Or a red leather jacket like his.

So instead, I did my nails (mani and pedi) in honor of the King.
Here are my nails (hand):



Pedi:

Ehn...I'm not too confident about the pedi pics. The pedi is dope...but the pics didn't come out right for some reason. Either way.....they are reminiscent to that of his jacket. The jacket from "Beat It" and "Thriller":



Next blog: "Death of a Legend: Respect the Legacy" will be up either today or within the next few days.

Death of a Legend: The Reaction

(This will be an ongoing post)

I sat around and mulled around trying to find the words. I was in denial for a day and a half, kept looking at his videos and listening to his music so heavily he was in my dreams and when I awoke, a different song of his would be in my head..... "Billy Jean"..."Leave Me Alone"...."Scream"....and "Smooth Criminal". I didn't "accept" it til Sunday. Then I said I'd write....because it's only right.

But...

Every time I attempted to put pen to pad, I came up short. Like him, I'm a perfectionist to the nth degree. I wanted it to be right. I also know that I have too much in my head for just a lone blog.


But what do I say? Something other than "RIP" has to suffice. All perceived "dramatics" aside, I took his passing to the head, heart, and soul of me. Those who know me know that I took it nearly as hard as one of my own relatives passing. I was shocked, depressed, and sad. He has always been with me. I was heavily exposed to ALL of his works. Sure enough, I didn't know him personally, however with him being in the limelight for more than 90% of his life, I felt like I knew him. He was like a talented older brother to me. I looked up to him, even in his down and "crazy & strange" moments. I was loyal.

Then he was just........gone. No warning, no public knowledge of an illness. Nothing. So I denied, denied, denied. "It was a sick joke like they did with Jay-Z back then" is what I told myself. He wasn't even SICK! Who goes into cardiac arrest like that w/o being sick?! Who?! Yep yep...it was a fluke.

I didn't cry at all until Friday evening when I finally got the courage to look at the Chicago Sun-Times, which on its cover, displayed several pictures of his person and included what they had known so far of his very sudden death. That's when I let it out. But only for 5 minutes.

Then it settled in on me. And I began to accept it. Death is a part of life and life breeds death. This is stuff Ive told others when they lose a loved one. However, every time it happens to me, I take it another way initially.

RIP

Michael Joe Jackson
August 29th, 1958 - June 25th, 2009

Trey Day

Last Monday night, I attended Trey Songz' concert featuring Laura Izibor at the House of Bllues and was pleasantly surprised to say the least.

Unlike the fuckery that was Drake's concert a few weeks back, the Laura Izibor/Trey Songz combo was a complete difference, in only the most positive of ways. The concert started on time with Izibor opening the show and giving the crowd something to be excited about. I love her voice and compare her whole style to that of Alicia Keys. She plays the piano and has a very soulful/jazz-esque sound that I can appreciate. I was definitely pleased with the performance.

Towards the end of her number, she performed Mary J. Blige's, "Real Love", which drove the crowd INSANE! She is really talented and should NOT be slept on, people! Download her album which just dropped in May here.

The curtain closed for about 30 minutes and Trey Songz appeared on the scene. His promptness won cool points with me instantly and I wished I could just sit back and enjoy the show versus standing shoulder to shoulder with the other concertgoers. However, I wasn't complaining.

Onstage, Songz sang songs from his latest album, "Ready" which drops in August as well as select songs from his last work, "Trey Day". While singing, I was hoping against hope that he'd sing, "Role Play", which is by and large one of my favorite songs on the album. It just does hard to me. However...he never sang it. Instead, he sang other bangers like, "Missing You", "Sex For Yo Stereo", "Can't Help But Wait", and one of my favorites....."Last Time".

He even took it back and sang a hit song from his very first album, "Gotta Go" to which case he belted it out as if it was his first performance while the concertgoers crooned along with him. It was an awesome night.

What made it even more awesome was his stage presence. One thing that he did that blew me away (besides him making eye contact with me on more than one occasion-I think it was cuz height-wise I stood out from most of the girls) was his ummm "oral-sex face". He did an oral impersonation that left me stunned. I almost had to slap myself to get back on track with the concert...cuz my mind had definitely drifted lol. He also got offstage and performed in the crowd. This was short-lived, however as he was nearly raped by the females within reach and had to be pulled back onstage. Some of the women were so thirsty you could see the sand fall out of their mouths. It was ridiculous.

I will say that I completely underestimated Trey before this concert. I considered him a mildly talented singer with way too much physical appeal, which landed him "passes" in the industry. After last night's show though, my mind has changed. The kid* is an entertainer. And not only that...he's a really talented entertainer. I'm glad I was wrong, otherwise I'd have been upset that I paid for the ticket to see him.**

Other points of the night:

- A downfall of the concert was undoubtedly the "all ages welcome" for admission into the concert. With this, there were kids (literally) of all ages (literally), including a newborn child wrapped in a blanket with its mother enjoying the concert. Couldn't find a babysitter? Smh

- The attire of the concertgoers seemingly everywhere. Monday marked the first day of summer and it was HOT in Chicago (like 88 degrees outside). With that said, there were people everywhere in theee skimpiest of clothing and also the most out of date of styles. I hate trend followers and "trend-only" styles because well...they die fast. I prefer a timeless style. However, that wasn't the worst of it though. Three girls who came to the concert together were dressed from head to toe like Rihanna's clone. (By "head to toe", I mean from the hair to the makeup to the clothing to the shoes and even to the tattoos and "swag". It was weird as Hell, not to mention Rih Rih's current hair is just NOT hot. Ugh!) But anyway...

- Women fighting (literally) over things that Trey threw out to the audience. One incident was near me. He threw his sweaty towel. The towel touched my hand and some girl jumped all over my poor arm. I was rocking my specs and those few off, almost to the ground. I immediately tried to keep my distance and said girl as well as two others proceeded to fight over the towel. Security came to briefly break it up. It wasn't that serious. They can keep his sweaty towel! lol

- Women literally throwing their pantiies on the stage. Seriously. I swear I thought that the whole panty-throwing was a myth until last night. Damn, Trey...smh.

All in all though, I really enjoyed the concert. And I will be getting "Ready" when it drops (pause). Next concert is Lupe Fiasco's (yall know that's one of my FAVORITE artists, hands down!!!) at the Chicago Theatre.....but *sigh* I may not go. I've got broke friends :(. We'll see though, so stay tuned!

I've got videos and pics from Monday night stored into my phone but...they aren't the best so I won't be posting those up.

*- Trey is a year older than me. I just like to say "kid" here and there.
**- I wasn't going to go, but my homegirl is a Stan so I obliged and went. And loved the show. I'm glad I went.

Revelation: Fear

I haven't really opened up about it...but it's because I am in fear.

In my life, fear seems to be the only constant or control, with everything else set as variables that are willing to change, leave, come, go and transform at the blink of an eye. With or without my consent.

P3 has been patient though, even though he knows just as well as I do that it is my fear that can cause the detriment of anything we have created thus far as well as anything that may develop for our future. I know this. I see his frustration and withdrawal which only happens as a consequence to my own balling up, shielding, and withdrawing that I do so well.

My guard is thick and hard. Still. This is a good thing as it keeps me from being naive and susceptible to a lot of situations and circumstances I could have been placed under should my walls have only been guarded by one member of security versus the system that has been set up over time: multiple armed and militant guards standing in front of several layers of fences and mass steel doors which cover a security system in-house that's more strict than Mission: Impossible.

It is easy to infer that my "mission" has become Mission: Not A Chance in Hell. So this fear--this shield has become a double-edged sword of sorts, to put it in short.

And it's all marred by the house I live in that I've not so affectionately named, "Fear". And up til now, I was fine with my place of residence. Cuz I wasn't ready to deal. I couldnt'. Wouldn't. Told myself I shadn't.

But now I think I'm ready to move. Yet, I'm very cautious to step out of the house and breath the air that awaits outside sans the guards and heightened security system. I love my protection.

But...

It's preventing me from being able to take the risks necessary to advance past GO. I keep thinking of ways in which I'd get too comfy with the outdoors, fuck around and scrap my knee or break my leg from a "fall" and need my bed rest back into my House...rather than just "go it" and hope for the best.

I'm scared of everything. And I have yet to collect $200.00.



*For some reason, the song I put on here to support this blog wouldn't provide me with a link to paste it on here. I had Jazmine Sullivan's "Fear" in mind, though. Just act as though it's playing on this blog anyway, lol