26 September 2008

Happiness Is...

Albert Schweitzer said it best, “Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.”

But of course he didn’t mean that in it’s purest most literal form. I believe that he meant it figuratively as well. Here’s how I interpret his quote:

Everyone’s got their demons and/or periods of their past that aren’t/weren’t considered “happy” or “good” times for them. If a person is in a solid place now (or even a bad one now for that matter), they could look back on their past (or present) status and say, “damn, I remember when—“ and try to apply their past situation to their present if it fits.

Happiness is good health. Health should be the most important thing in a person’s life, be it physical health or mental heath. Health, above education, financial security, and even family spirituality, should rank. At least it’s at the top of my hierarchy.

If a person has good health (again—physical and mental), they, as individuals, should feel a sense of satisfaction. Someone could say, “I don’t have a job, but I don’t have any diseases. I can breathe and walk with ease. I’ve got all my limbs and I feel fine”. I take this to be a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Not really being selfish but putting things into perspective that, ”above all else, I have my sense of self, and I’m fine with myself”. I think that that is very important.

Happiness is also having a bad memory. Some people have the keenest of memories. This, in my opinion, means that they don’t want to forget that lay off from ’94 or that foreclosure they endured or that horrible divorce they underwent fifteen years before. Some people like to wallow in the negative sense.

[slight sidebar]

I say, “wallow in the negative sense” because I tend to see a lot of things in two different ways at times. For this, I see a positive side of wallowing as well as a negative side. The positive being the lingering of a situation in search of clarity and understanding in order to move on or accept. This wallow, in my opinion, is closely related to that element called, “Closure”. While some people don’t really feel closure is necessary, I am one that believes that it is absolutely necessary, of course depending on the situation in question.

Consequently, the negative sense of wallowing is the unnecessary dragging on of a situation well past its expiration date and then applying said situation to a present situation to see how the two situations “align with each other”. At times, the negative wallower isn’t even in a bad situation in their present; rather, they are just reminiscing and BOOM! They start to drift into the bad days and…depression can set and their once happy lives are, in the blink of an eye, turned upside down. Again.

[sidebar over]

So, yes, happiness is having a bad memory, in the figurative sense of course. Of course you may never ever EVER forget about that devastating divorce or that sudden lay off or if you’re on Wall Street, you’ll undoubtedly NEVER forget about the Bail Out that America is undergoing. It’s inevitable. We’ve all got our demons and not so good times in our lives. No one’s situation is the “exception to the rule”. No one is “special so this rule doesn’t apply to them”.

It’s a simple yet possibly difficult concept to grasp:

Wanna be happy? Try not to remember those bad days. Be grateful for your health, physically, mentally, and otherwise, and gain a sense of amnesia towards the negatives.

19 September 2008

Fall Grocery List

It's that time of year again. It's FALL…or at least it will be officially on the 21st. With the beginning of a new season comes new shopping. At least that's how it's always been for me. I shop every season, not necessarily giving my self a whole new wardrobe at all because I keep my clothes in good condition and make them last a long time, but I update. Often. I admit that I don't go nearly as hard as I did as a high schooler with no bills, but I definitely make sure that I keep it current.

At the end of the spring season, as a part of my spring cleaning (which I tend to get into later than most, no big), I donate a LOT of clothes. Every year. I am no stranger to Salvation Army when it comes to donating.

I haven't began fall shopping at all yet. Here is a brief list of items and looks that will comprise my closet at some point this fall season. Enjoy. (I completely bit this idea from my friend, Lauren, but here we go...)

LOOKS: (Full outfits. I may have a part or two of said look already, now that I think about it)




(I love this jacket. I like a lotta vintage styles)

TEES: (Who says that t-shirts are just for Spring and Summer?)

(Long Tee of Literature Noir)

(Sleeveless Tee of Model.Live)

(Rock The Vote Tee--Nuff Said. I love this shirt)

(It says, "The Sun Also Rises". I thought this was dope!)


(I only have about a trillion button up shirts. You could never have enough button up shirts, though...)

(I like this one a lil more than the above. Both are hot though...)


(I have just as many pencil skirts as I do button up tops. But I do not have a RUFFLED pencil skirt. This one is dope.)

SHOES: (I love shoes. I think I have an addiction. Seriously, is there a such thing as a shoe-a-holic? Is there a SSA [Shoe Shoppers Anonymous] anywhere?)

(I didnt wanna over-do it. Plus I got lazy on the search, but these boots? Vintage and the heel isnt ridiculously high. I'll be about 5'11" in these. Not so bad. I want them!)


(I want another leather one too but this one is just so hot. I love it.)

This concludes Part 1 of my Fall Grocery List. What's on your list?

17 September 2008

A Comparison Worth Noting (A Note I Stumbled upon on Facebook.com)

Disclaimer: I did not write this note but rather, I stumbled across it on facebook.com. I thought that it was more than necessary to share this. I will be putting this on my myspace blog as well. Enjoy.

I'm not really that deep into politics but a friend of mine sent me this email and I found it very interesting and as voters you should

With America facing historic debt, multiple war fronts, stumbling health care, a weakened dollar, all-time high prison population, skyrocketing Federal spending, mortgage crises, bank foreclosures, etc. etc., this is an unusually critical election year.

Let's look at the educational background of the candidates and see what they bring to the job:


Occidental College - Two years.

Columbia University - B.A. political science with a specialization in international relations.

Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude

& Biden:

University of Delaware - B.A. in history and B.A. in political science.

Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)



United States Naval Academy - Class rank 894 out of 899 (meaning that, like George Bush, McCain was at the bottom of his class)


Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester

North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study

University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism

Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester

University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in journalism

Now, which team are you going to hire to lead the most influential nation in the world?

Please send this information to your friends and colleagues who vote!


* If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents,you're "exotic, different."

* If you grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, you're a quintessential American story.

* If your name is Barack, you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.

* If you name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

* If you graduate from Harvard law School, you are unstable.

* If you attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.

* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new

voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.

* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with fewer than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.

* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.

* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.

* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

* If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system, while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant , you're very responsible.

* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.

* If you're husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

Hmmmm, what a conundrum.

12 September 2008

Love Is You

Her album dropped last year sometime but every now and again, I get in my moods to play Chrisette Michele's "I Am" album and play it from beginning to end with no pauses in between. I've been playing it rather often as of late though.

And it's not because I can "relate" to her songs of love and romance now. Hell, y'all know I'm through with the fellas for the remainder of '08. At least that's my declaration and as of right now, it isn't gonna change. However, I absolutely love this album. I think the main reason that I'm currently playing "I Am" like music in and of itself is going out of style soon is because the album kinda gives me hope for what I'd seek in my future as far as love and relationships go.

"Love Is You" is one of my favorite songs on the album, hands down. The song is not only beautifully sang but is also beautifully written and it is obvious that she wrote it from a personal place in their heart. Her voice reminds me a lot of the late Billie Holliday as well.

Here's a clip for those unfamiliar. Take a listen.

It's a pretty simple song that at the same time manages to effortlessly convey her message and capture your heart so that you could actually feel what she's feeling, even if you've never experienced this kind of love personally yet.

I've felt like this before. Once upon a time with my ex. And even though it's been a while since I've truly felt like this, I haven't forgotten the feeling in the least. Consequently though, I haven't been reminiscing on those times from way back "when we were in love" either. I don't want my ex back. At all. I don't miss him. I don't have any "what if's" swirling in my head either. I moved on from that situation years ago. This song, however, is just extremely powerful and reminds me of how powerful the emotion itself truly is.

Listening to this song made me think of a lot of the simple pleasures that encompasses "love". Long walks on the beach, inside jokes that only you and him understand, laying in bed watching a movie or just cuddling in silence, being able to trust that special someone with the difficult topics, unspoken connectedness, and conversations about anything at all that could brighten their once gloomy day. Just being with that person makes you feel renewed and refreshed. It's a beautiful feeling.

Questions (My questions):

Can you relate to this song today? Have you ever been able to relate to it? What are your ideals on the concept of "Love"?

Questions (Ms. Michele's):

Love—what's your definition of it? How's it make you feel? Tell me what you say that truly makes it real….

Good Girl is my jam too.

So is Work It Out, Mr.Radio, and If I Had My Way

PS; Joy and I talked about the flipside of love--the complications and why it's oftentimes "hard" HERE. Tune in!

05 September 2008

The GOP Godfather

One of my homies, Lauren, posted this very informative blog over on Facebook and tagged me to it. In the comments, I asked her if it would be okay if I jacked her post and shared it with you guys here. She granted me unlimited access so here goes...

Many people may even know some of this information already. At the height of the election, I feel that it is absolutely necessary that we do as much research as we can on our candidates (read: especially the GOP, lol)

Here we go:

It started as a quest to know more about McCain's original wife Carol Shepp. It turned into so much more. John McCain is a cynical, conniving, con artist. A cheater. A liar. A master manipulator. He stole his fellow shipman and friend's wife. Adopted her kids. Went to war, she got in a car accident. He dumped an ailing wife and traded up, God father style, for a then 25 yr old Cindy. All the while still cheating on current wife Carol. He made a clear business deal with James Hensley, Cindy's late father and a convicted felon. Hensley said you marry into the family... we then use your political power to boost our business agenda. His campaign paid for by the Hensley family. Carol gets paid off to not share her story. Carol's son Andy is VP of the Hensley company. All of Cindy and John's kids hold shares in the fortune.

READ THE ARTICLES. SERIOUSLY. Our government, namely the Republicans, are very corrupt and its goes back generation after generation... this is NOT good

Does everyone know about this and is simply not talking about it or what??! I had no idea.. clearly the AP is being silenced, but the general public should know. This is not just some wives tale and conspiracy theory passed down. Google McCain and Mob you'd be surpirsed what you'd find. And if I get killed "accidently" like Don Bolles or even Brian Downing Quig... we know what really happened.







Everyone have a safe weekend.

02 September 2008

Married But Not In a Relationship....From the Files of a WDM *sighs*

Most of this year I have been telling myself that I'm through with dudes for this year. The first utterance of "I'm done" came in March when a guy got out of pocket yet again, causing my emotions to erupt in a whirlwind of confusion. I ended up putting him in the back of my mind and put another at the forefront of my thoughts, telling myself that the former couldn't be the example of the rule. And kept on treading.

When things got complicated recently, I decided to step back completely and not warrant my time or attention to anyone for a while…….a gooood while is what I was aiming for. Working on a better me was the goal for '08. And it still is.

But the last month has been outright ridiculous on behalf of my menses. Ri-effin-diculous.

Last Saturday, a few of my homegirls and I decided we'd go to a bar. We didn't want to do anything that would take up too much of our money as all four of us were broke as hell but we still wanted to have fun and get out of the house. At the last minute, one of the girls decided to change plans.

"Let's go to Exposure", she said.

We all agreed to it. After all, it IS a hot restaurant and the drinks are fabulous. Lovely atmosphere. We figure, why not go to a swanky restaurant instead of "just the bar", right?

Of this circle of girls, I am the only one that has been to this restaurant so I was hit with the unmistakable questioning of "is it expensive? Is there a cover" and whatnot. It's a restaurant. There's no cover. Everything is reasonably priced and valet is only ten bucks.*

We head on to the restaurant and get up to the front.

"Twenty dollars" says a short woman, blocking our entrance.

My girls look at me with a look that says "what the hell happened to FREE ADMISSION?!"

"Um……this is a restaurant. Why is it suddenly twenty dollars to get into this place? I've been here three times and never had to pay to get in," I retorted at the short woman who had an adamant look on her face. Fact is, I was adamant as well and my girls and I were not paying to get in. I let her know that as well and she went and got another guy that worked there.

Once my girls and I talked to the man, he said we could just pay ten dollars to get inside and that the restaurant had went from Exposure Tapas Restaurant to Exposure Supper Club. I had so many questions but decided to halt them. ("What the hell is a 'supper club'" was one and "I was pretty sure that I said that we weren't paying" was another)

Fast Forward

We still didn't end up paying for the guy talked to the short woman that collected monies and said that we "were with him" and we headed inside.

I, for one, still had an attitude. Most clubs don't serve food and I was starved. I hadn't planned on clubbing in the least but once I found out that food was served, my attitude adjusted a bit. It wasn't until I was sent on a wild goose chase to find out HOW I could order that my attitude erupted again. After about twenty minutes of irritability, I was finally able to order, grab a Strawberry Mojito and remotely enjoy myself.

Then he saw me.

As I was devouring a personal pan turkey sausage pizza and about half of my mojito was gone, this guy walks up to me and we engage in a short conversation. He tells me where he lives, that he works at the club on the weekends, and that he would like to take me out. He also gives me two tickets to come back for an event that's going on tonight. I accept them but in the back of my mind, I doubt I'm going to go. He's cool enough so I give him my phone number and we dance after I eat.

(The mojito I had was better. Trust.)

I had a pretty tall, highly alcohol-filled mojito. And I was in the first stages of my drunken night.

I couldn't dance too well and told him I needed to sit down. After much prompting, he finally took me to sit and got me some water. After a few minutes, I was fine. He got me a free shot of Patron, I talked to my girls a bit (and had a few swigs of their drinks, lol), and promptly headed back to the dance floor.

I flip flop between dancing with dude and dancing over where my girls were all together. When I return back to them again, however, one of my girls whispers in my ear amidst the blaring music (exchanges of Ludacris' Back for the First Time album and Snoop and….Rick James….)

"That nigga's married, girl!"

"MARRIED?! YOU LYIN'!" I said to her, not in an accusing tone at all but rather in a this shyt is hilarious tone. I shook my head and laughed until my side hurt. I was still inebriated, yes. But there was a method to my madness.

I kept my distance from dude, opting to not waste my breath on him and figured that my supreme ignoring techniques would savage the cool that enveloped between us.

He's a loser.

He came back to dance and this time I was hella standoffish. I wouldn't look at him. Claimed to be too tired to dance with him. When he wasn't near me at all, he'd text me and I wasn't texting back. Boo him. He sucks!

I'm a queen at ignoring folks. Since I don't really do confrontation at all, I'll just as soon pretend you don't exist because in my mind………you don't. And he didn't. So I could no longer see him. At all.

Aside from dancing and drinking, I spent the entire night texting Randy and Ronnie on some "I can't believe this shyt" hype from the restaurant-turned-club fiasco, to the wild goose chase I had with ordering my food and getting a table (which was positioned uncomfortably near the bathroom, to the married dude. At one point, I saw him coming towards me with a smile and I left the restaurant and called Randy. I needed some fresh air immediately. And a good excuse to leave for a few minutes. When my phone lit up from his text, I acted like my phone was ringing, took it to my ear, and headed out the club for a few minutes.

When we finally leave the club and head to the car, one of my girls gets stopped by him. When she comes back, she tells me that he wasn't tryin to talk to her but that he had also given her some tickets to come back and was rather talking to her and inquiring about what was up with me, who he calls his "Future Wife". LMAO

She tells him that I'm suddenly being standoffish because I just found out that he's married. His response: "Ok, I admit to being married, but that doesn't mean that I'm in a relationship".

Silence from everyone in the car. Complete and utter silence. It's just still as hell

Then……reaction from me………"I mean…..*laughs wryly* was he serious? You sure he didn't say 'I admit to being married, but that doesn't mean that I'm looking for a relationship'?"

"No. He acted as if there was a difference between being married and being in a relationship."

We all laughed at his indescribable wackness. I mean it was unreal.

Then my other girl, Kristin goes, "I still don't understand why you laughed so damn hard, Mal when you first found out he was married. That shyt aint funny"

"I wasn't laughing at this situation, but the entire group of situations I've been in recently. Two dudes that have wanted to take me out for months were finally given opportunity and then don't show. Then the next day they'd call wanting to make it up to me but now I'm "suddenly busy" and truly don't wanna be bothered. This right here…was the "last effin straw" (© Teef, lol). I just had to laugh a little because now I "sees the light".

(See the light? I do too...Mal's done. The end.)

We laugh some more about the whole night, talk about how two of my girls "played the game" and when a couple guys gave them money for drinks, they'd pocket it and when another guy came, they'd ask for a drink and say they were short on cash.

I may try that trick out one day. LOL

But seriously. I'm beginning to get a little worried. What's wrong with most of these men? I try so hard not to group all men in one unfortunate category because I feel like that makes me sound bitter and I'm not bitter at all and I have several male friends that truly do not deserve to be in that category, for they are good men. But I am concerned. What's really good, fellas? Since I know that no man is gonna up and admit his wackness (if he is, in fact wack), can anyone explain to me why these dudes are so wack? Seriously. I want some answers.

On facebook, my present status is: Mal is beginning to wonder if she's a WDM (Wack Dude Magnet) at this point. 'Was he married and callin ME future wife all night?!' REALLY?! smh...

Help a sista out, y'all.. I'm all out of excuses at this point…..

*Valet parking in Chicago is typically around $20 on a Saturday night at a club. This $10 wasnt bad at all.

Straight From the Top

This blog is probably gonna suck. It's a rant and I'm literally not editing this. This is straight from the top.

Here goes.

I am an easily irritated individual for the most part. I'm most commonly irritated though by folk who lack (or occasionally fail to make use of their) common sense. Lately, it's gotten to the point of borderline ridiculousness really. Common sense isn't common at all and alas…I have no patience.

Case in point: While we can agree that not everyone has the same political views, can we at least agree that at this time of supreme economic strife, that we'd all have fundamentally the same goals and desires for our country? You know—the better healthcare thing, the universal education thing, the tex break thing, and if nothing else—the lower gas prices thing? Do we as Americans during such a trying time not want the same things? I thought so too. So why in the world am I hearing, "Oh it's gonna be a close race between Obama & McCain"? How is it gonna be a close race? HOW?! I am begging to be enlightened, because I have obviously missed the bus on the "McCain" bandwagon long ago. For one, McCain doesn't even have the same principles at all. He doesn't even know the definition of "middle-class". As Obama said, "it's not that McCain doesn't care, it's that McCain doesn't get it." I want a president that "gets it". We can't afford to have another airhead running us. BOO!!!

Now for my McCain supporters, can someone tell me why you're voting for him? Let's talk because I'm genuinely concerned and I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt at onset and as I see it, McCain does not have our best interests at heart. I really wanna know though—how does McCain rank OVER Obama? Talk to me folks, because as far as I can tell (which is pretty dang far), McCain's an idiot and there is no competition between the two. McCain went as far as to pick a woman (Sarah-freaking-Palin) for Vice President in efforts to coax women voters everywhere. He isn't slick. At all. It would have been completely different if the woman he chose had some credibility under her belt (like say—Hillary Clinton). But she doesn't so his move was not only shallow, but incredibly unintelligent. She's the senator of Alaska, sure. But let's talk—who is she really? Before being senator of the country's largest state that has the population of 63 individuals, she was a mayor at a small town in the state. Given this bit of facts, would you honestly call her prepared to run the country if push comes to shove (ie; McCain's fate is called)? She also just had a baby and looks exactly like Tina Fey. Let's be really real here. I'm serious.

Racism is an ugly disease. And it's spreading rapidly.

And speaking of idiots, I showed my dad T-Baby's video and he just shook his head in shame. My dad is extremely blunt. Extremely. Worse than me (I'm not really blunt because I think before I say everything, but I can be extremely sarcastic, borderline crass) And for the first two minutes of the vid (which I refuse to post on here—look it up on YouTube if you haven't caught it), he was straight emotionless but remained shaking his head. When she lost the beat at 2:23 though, he fell out laughing. He could no longer hold it. At the end, we went into a deep discussion about our present state in the music game. Black music.

I miss a lot of folks that were heavily in the music scene once upon a time. Do you know who I'm waiting on next though? Erykah Badu. New Amerykah was good, but I didn't really get into it until after a few listens. She's supposed to have another edition to the album—like a second part to it and my only hope is that it closely aligns to Mama's Gun, which, in my opinion, was her absolute best album. Many people know why I love her. Her sound is different, she's true to herself in every sense of the word, and she holds subliminal messages in just about every song. I love that.

And ignoring the radio is pretty easy.

I've been asked numerous times how it is that I can easily ignore people, places, or things that bother me, or that I know would upset me in any way. It's easy. Since I don't attach myself emotionally to a lot of things, backing away is relatively simple. I don't "catch feelings" fast, so if a guy acts completely out of hand, it's usually nothing at all for me to assume the position and press forward. When I have feelings though, it's a mess on all fronts. Being a Libra leaves me to be an extremely "all or nothing" type of individual. I either ride for you……or I don't. There really isn't any "gray area". Some people don't understand that. I'm just now understanding it myself.

I'm also extremely non-confrontational for the most part. While I love a good seasoned debate on politics, music, black culture, anything, I cut all of that off when it comes to senseless discussions. I told a friend, "not everyone is worth the worry you bestow upon them". And it's true. One thing about me that I think everyone knows by now lol is that—I don't like to waste time. At all. This goes for senseless arguments (alone), plans for the future, and unnecessary car driving. It's just not me.

There are a lot of pieces of me, I noticed. A lot more than I thought there were. I think I'm gonna blog on that soon too. Maybe.

Speaking of blogs, does anyone remember the Lady Intellect Volume blogs that my girl Joy and I did? I have a lot of new readers and we haven't done one in almost a year! Well, we'll be doing one soon. Watch out for it.

I read a very interesting blog this morning that a new reader led me to called, "Mister Nice Guy". The reader of mine was commenting my last blog where I talked about the WAD (Wack Ass Dude) that was married…..but not in a relationship. The girl in the blog, however, gives reasons as to why she prefers a complete asshole over a nice guy. It's pretty interesting but I didn't comment on it because there are already over 100 comments on it lol. I still want a nice guy………………but I can understand her reasons. Kinda.

My birthday is in 22 days and I don't know what I'm gonna do yet. I need to start planning soon…….the 23rd is a big age. Wait no……it's just been a big year. I figure a celebration of some sort is in order…..

That's all that's in my head right now. Actually it isn't but I've been chastised for my lengthy blogs. I'm gonna start doing them in parts. Or I'll at least try to. sigh