"Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea" -Micah 7:18-19
Forgiveness? I don't really do that. In fact, I've been known to cut a person out of my life completely before ever thinking about forgiving them for a wrong. In my mind, it is easier to completely remove myself from caring about said person (because the "situation" or "wrongdoing" is connected to them), than to use all of my physical and mental (and sometimes spiritual) energy getting angry and actually emoting. I'd just get angry briefly and decide that it's easier to have them not in my life anymore especially if the drama/situation/wrongdoing is, in fact, extremely stressful in one way or another.
But as I get older, I find...the method of me solving an issue by not solving it at all just doesnt work as effectively. You can't cut everyone out who does you wrong. Not only does that make for more complications in the long haul (what irony, right?), but it also doesnt promote any kind of growth or maturity within my person.
So I'm consciously working on my forgiving.
Now don't get me wrong. This is not to say that whenever anyone mistreats me, I never speak to them again. That is completely unrealistic. I'm just saying that because I consciously work to eliminate any stressors from my life that I can control, if a situation/person/etc is doing THAT much "damage" to my cipher, I quickly decide that I dont need them anymore. At all. And quiet as kept, they are removed. Permanently. I don't really forgive.
Now don't get me wrong (again). This is also not to say that EVERYTHING is eligible for the "you're forgiven and all is well" treatment. It is not and baby steps are definitely what I am on. At the end of the day, sometimes it really IS better to just leave a situation or a person completely and have nothing to do with them anymore because said "damage" is just too grave. I understand this. Maybe some others dont. Maybe more do. But for ME...this is what works.
I recognize that I need to work on this. And that is the first step.
"Forgiveness. I will work on this."
Even saying it rings a little strange. It's all a part of the "bigger picture" for me though. My growth, mentally and spiritually, is the driving force behind my wanting to change things up a bit. It isn't going to be easy, but I've gotta learn to think..."what if the tables were turned, would I want to be forgiven?" Im nowhere near perfection and at times it feels as though my flaws capitalize on everything that's "right" with me. With all that said, I'm getting a better understanding of the perspective of others and this...is what is helping me in everything that I do in regards to this revelation. It is what is essential for growth.
ps; I promise a "less blue"-esque post next! Getting kinda tired of the gray myself!